The Darkness Within
by PotterlockHobbiTardistuff
Summary: "My lord." I answered bitterly, hating the words as they left my tongue. My head was repeating one word over and over, 'Puppet, puppet.' It made me want to shatter my mind as I had so many others... The story of Halon, the unknown servant of Morgoth, first Dark Lord of Middle Earth. Warnings in the disclaimer.
1. Disclaimer

**DISCLAIMER!**

I do not own any of the following content pertaining to the universe of Middle Earth. All credits go to the wonderful author J.R.R. Tolkien.

Also, this story is not meant to be strictly following canon. I've taken the original stories (largely the Silmarillion) and put a darker twist on it by creating a new character (and referencing others who have made appearances in other stories I've written). I've tried to explain everything best as possible throughout the story but one can never tell if they've done a good job so you may or may not need to ask some questions or Google some info.

Furthermore I should like to give any and all readers a warning before you begin this story. Naturally there is violence (when is there not in Middle Earth?), but this story contains a darker tone of violence including slightly kinky torture (not denying that one), mentioning and actions of self-harm/suicide, and underlying thoughts of depression on the part of Halon. If anything should trigger something in you, dear reader, I ask you to please stop reading. It doesn't matter if you enjoy the story overall, if there is a chance of it causing some form of bad memories and/or mental and even physical pain, don't continue.

I've tried to balance out the negative moments with mild humor and no shortage of sass and sarcasm. But, as this is a story with a dark background and center that's a bit hard to do without the humor being dark too. I will update as often as possible, all I ask is for your patience if I am unable to do so as frequently as some would like. So! That being said… Thank you for bearing with me here.

Enjoy the story of Halon. The unknown servant of Morgoth, first Dark Lord of Middle Earth.


	2. Introduction

The Darkness Within

Introduction

 _Keep your head down, don't say a word_. I clenched my jaw shut and glowered at the ground as I walked, my hands curled in and out of fists inside the depths of my pockets. Whispers followed me everywhere I went and I hated it. I hated _them_. The night had almost fallen but the blackness would never settle completely here in Valinor, that much was certain thanks to the Two Trees. They cast a soft glow all about the land so that even though the sky was inky black the earth was still dimly lit. It was in that gentle light that they decided to have another go at me and I was beyond done by that point.

Every day someone made some comment about how I didn't fit in. I didn't look like any of them, I didn't act like any of them, and worst of all I wasn't light like any of them. My hair was black as a raven, my eyes like chunks of ice, and my skin was pale enough that perhaps I belonged in the world of the dead. Just my dark appearance alone was what made them talk, don't even get me started on the magic. Which I'm about to of course… Elves all possess magic, some just have it stronger than others and different types. Of course, _I_ wasn't an elf. I wasn't one of the Valar either for that matter. I was in what I like to call the middle race; a Maia.

Basically we're a whole bunch of weird spirits that took elf or human form and decided to live together in the land Iluvatar created called Valinor. End of story. Of course I've forgotten another difference between myself and everyone else. Most of them kept their hair straight, long, and neat. Mine was cut short and ruffled like I'd been caught in high winds or something. That was pretty much a red flag in itself but I really didn't care because I figured something might happen to me and when it did I didn't want to be worrying about shit loads of hair. Get my point?

Anyway, that night in particular was a bad one for me. I was walking home when it happened. Three elves who seemed around my age (I was actually much older than them) appeared from the shadows and closed in around me until I found myself with nowhere to go, backed between some rocks in a cliff face. My eyes scanned over them and I raised one eyebrow, trying to stay calm in the situation. "Elioril, Lomaldor, and Elvomir… How can I help you?"

"Skip the formalities Halon, we didn't come for a tea party," Elioril said in a bored voice. He stood in the middle of the three and I could tell that tonight he was the leader.

"Oh I'm sorry, would you like a biscuit?" I asked sincerely and his eyes narrowed at me. I could tell what they were all thinking and my head turned slowly to look at Elvomir who had shifted slightly. "I wouldn't." Was all I said and he froze. They were so simple to figure out and yet they didn't seem to understand that so it was always amusing to see their reactions as to how I knew what they were thinking. "Well if that's all, I think I'll be heading out." I made to walk between Elioril and Lomaldor but they both pushed me back a few steps so I couldn't. My fake smile vanished and I stared blankly at a space on the ground.

"I didn't say I was finished," Elioril said calmly. "We came here to get a point across and now I'll be telling you what it is." He took a few steps towards me and leaned forward so he could talk quietly in my ear. "We've all seen you around, we all know your reputation and I'm warning you…" He shifted back so he could look me in the eyes as he finished in a low voice, "Stay away from Silia." I frowned at him and raised one eyebrow.

"Who?"

He glared at me so I don't think he believed any of my reaction. I honestly had _no_ clue who he was talking about but apparently that's not what he thought. "My sister." He said quietly. "Stay away from her. I saw you in the market the other day and I don't want you going anywhere near her ever again."

"You must have me confused with someone else," I answered calmly. "Because I've never met her, didn't even know you _had_ a sister. Maybe I should go pay her a visit, shall I?" He had a dagger to my throat faster than one could blink and I raised my hands with a small laugh but there was no humor behind it. "Oh… I wouldn't do that. You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into. Besides, I thought elves were supposed to be friendly..." His eyes sparkled back his question and I felt a smirk playing across my lips. "Have you already forgotten who I am? You see… You and all the other elves and Valar might be against actually harming people unless it's necessary like war, but I on the other hand? Am not _'all the other elves and Valar'_."

With a small bang and a flash of light, the three of them went flying away from me and landed quite a ways away, unconscious on the ground. I obviously wasn't going to kill them, it didn't matter if they'd been trying to start trouble I was already a freak enough as it was. I walked towards them to make sure they'd be fine and when I raised myself from Elioril's side I shook my head, "Will you be taking sugar or cream?" Then I turned and headed on my way along the path.

I had to walk through Valmar, the capital of Valinor, to get home and that was always the worst part. It was where I got the most stares and whispers. However I always kept my head low and marched through without taking much notice. Of course, I pushed away most thoughts and feelings I had about what they were saying but if I let those feelings in I would have been upset and shaken. That's why I kept the feelings out. I had to keep up a blank mask and act as though nothing bothered me or I would've turned into a withered and hollow shell years ago.

When I was walking through the city I wasn't really paying attention and as a result I walked into someone. I looked up to see a guy who seemed a bit older than me standing there. That's one of the things about the inhabitants of Valinor, they can choose how old they want to look and stop there while they continue to age... He had sandy blond hair and brown eyes that sparkled with mischief and also a type of kindness. He was a few inches taller than me which wasn't really hard considering I was five foot eleven inches while most elves and such were at least six feet. He wasn't an elf though and he wasn't a Vala or a Maia either so I had no idea _what_ he was... I stumbled slightly and he grabbed my arms to steady me. "Sorry…" I muttered and he grinned back.

"Nothing to be sorry about," He said cheerfully. "It was just a little bump." I was surprised. Most people would have told me to watch where I was going and to be more careful, not tell me it was okay. I only frowned back at him and after a moment longer he held out a hand, "Cluna." He said and I slowly shook his hand, introducing myself back. "Well, it was nice meeting, or bumping into you Halon but I've got to get home. A minute longer and I'll be flayed alive soon as I walk through the door!" His tone sounded joking enough but I could tell he was actually worried about that by looking in his eyes.

"Right…" I said quietly. "Well, you too. Cluna… Goodnight." He gave one last friendly smile to me and then continued on his way home like I was. Only I was just standing there now, trying to figure out why I knew the name Cluna. It rang a bell but I didn't get it until a woman came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to her and asked nervously, "Yes? Can I help you?"

"You best be more careful in the future," she said quickly and urgently. I was about to turn away because I wasn't in the mood for another lecture but she grabbed my arm and forced me to stay put so she could finish. "Do you know who he is?" I thought again before giving up and shrugging with a small shake of my head. "Cluna is the son of Melkor." My throat tightened and my eyes flashed. Everyone knew who Melkor was. He had tried to destroy the work of the Valar many times even though he was one of them. He created many foul creatures and was imprisoned for his crimes until a few centuries ago when he was let out but forced to reside in Valmar so the king, and his brother, Manwe could watch over him. I didn't know he had children...

The woman walked away and I stood there rigid as a board, more concerned now about my run in with the son of Melkor. Supposedly the powerful Vala was married to the Lady of the Sun, Arien. No one could be certain though as there were other stories of how they weren't married at all but he wanted her to be his wife. I never knew he had a son and I was about to find out Cluna wasn't the only secret Melkor had. In fact, that day and that moment had a very powerful impact on my life.

It actually _changed_ my life forever and not always for the better.


	3. Chapter One: Try To Fit In

Chapter One: Try To Fit In

Eventually I got myself to move and kept on my way home, the paths getting trickier and darker as I walked. The cobblestones turned to dirt paths which led upwards into the mountains so they became thinner and rockier as they went. My feet carried me around a final bend and a huge courtyard came into view. It looked completely out of place after the narrow pass but then again so did the large house sitting in the middle of it. The place was lit from floor to roof and I felt a slight sinking sensation as I realized what that meant… It meant the elves that lived there too were still awake and I couldn't sneak in as though I'd never left.

The elves that lived in this mansion with me were elves related to the ones who had chosen to stay across the sea. Some of them were young, others old. Many of them were alone and the children of them had no parents so basically it was a house for misfits and orphans even though they were accepted by everyone in Valinor where I wasn't. The only other being in this house who wasn't an elf was another of the Maiar so he was like me but not at the same time. His name was Mairon and we didn't exactly get along all that well… He was always trying to talk to me and be a friend I suppose but I was so used to being alone and pushing people away that I refused every time.

Mairon sort of had an obsession with forging things and everyone said he was one of the best smiths in the world which I suppose he was, I'd seen some of his work. He'd built a basement for the house and that was where his forge was and needless to say the house never failed to be rather warm since he never seemed to put out the fires even when he wasn't in there. I considered spending the night outside rather than go in there and face everyone but I forced myself to take a deep breath and enter the house.

For the most part it was quiet, from what I could hear everyone was in the sitting room which was pretty large so that was very possible. I glanced at the door that was cracked open and could see light from a fire flickering over the walls. Hoping no one would hear me, I made my way across the entrance hall to the stairs which was a greater distance than one would typically find in a house. I had almost made it and was feeling relief because maybe just once no one would notice me and I could go off to bed without being disturbed. Of course, this is me we're talking about so that didn't happen and a voice I so did not wish to hear called out to me.

"Nice to see you're back Halon." I froze and closed my eyes in dread, "Why don't you come and join us? Since you've been gone all day." I forced a smile and turned to face the elf who had come out of the sitting room. His dirty blond hair was in perfect condition as always and his green eyes sparkled in the light but I could tell he was annoyed with me… Out of everyone he was the one who got along with me the least and he was friendly with the group I'd met earlier so no doubt he would confront me about it as soon as he heard.

"Evening Urandir." I stated in a falsely bright voice. "Kind of you to offer but I was just off to bed."

"Come now, wouldn't want to be rude would you?" He asked. His tone let me know I wasn't getting out of this so I slowly walked over to him, giving him a glance to see his smirk before I entered the sitting room feeling horribly uneasy. I was silently praying he wouldn't draw attention to us but it figured he did just that because he _knew_ I hated being in the spotlight. "Look who's home!"

I had barely taken three steps into the room before a small voice squealed, "Uncle Halon!" And I was almost knocked over as a tiny body crashed into me and a pair of slender arms wrapped around my legs. I looked down to see the one and only person I ever cared about in that place. Hethien. I wasn't really her uncle, she had just taken to calling me that for some reason. She was the only one who didn't shrink away from me in fear, the only one who could smile at me and mean it, the only one who showed any kindness. Her auburn hair fell in waves down her back and her grey eyes were big and shone with happiness at every moment.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and slowly patted her back. She was only about seven years old and had been born in Beleriand but her parents sent her across the sea because while they wished to stay in Middle-Earth, they feared it wasn't safe for her. They had some sort of contract or other with Manwe that he would make sure she was safe here and he would return her to them when she was old enough. While I did enjoy her company and she was the only one I really tolerated, I did get uncomfortable by signs of affection especially when we were in a full room like this because a lot of the elves were shaking their heads disapprovingly while others gave me dark looks.

"Er… Hello Hethien. How are you?"

The small elf raised her face to smile up at me still not letting go. "I learned how to read maps today!" She answered in delight. "And I learned how to cast a healing spell!" The healing spell she learned probably wasn't very powerful for her age, mainly for small cuts and bruises but I gave her a small smile anyway because she told me once she liked it when I smiled. Even if it didn't always reach my eyes. My gaze shifted up to the adult elves again and I caught some of them giving me looks that said I should stay away from her. They probably thought as soon as I heard about Hethien starting to use magic I would take over and make her like me or something.

I wouldn't do that though… I was shunned enough as it was and I wouldn't want anyone to be like me no matter what. I looked back down at the child and felt myself shaking though I couldn't figure out why. "Did you really?" She nodded and I tried to smile again but all that happened was a flicker of one. "That sounds… Wonderful. Hethien could you…" I couldn't find it in myself to ask her to let go of me and she didn't seem to notice my nerves as she grabbed my hand and pulled me across the room to a table. That was _way_ farther into the room than I would have liked to go…

"Look!" She pulled herself onto a chair and after a moment of standing there like a statue I sank into the one beside her, my posture rigid as though I were ready to run at any given moment. Which I was. Hethien had a map of Beleriand spread before her and she pointed to a mass of mountains, Nargothrond to be precise, "That's where Ada and Naneth are!" Father and Mother. I'd had to learn Sindarin because the elves took to speaking in it whenever they could and I had a feeling they were saying things I wouldn't want to hear but I figured it was better understanding than giving them the satisfaction of being able to insult me when I was in the same room. They gave up once they realized I spoke their language and they reverted back to the language of Valinor afterwards.

"Indeed." I said quietly but I was no longer looking at the map or even Hethien. My gaze was sliding from person to person. I knew none of them would actually attack me (save maybe Urandir) but I certainly didn't like the looks they were giving me and I'd stopped trusting people a long time ago. "I…" I got to my feet suddenly and those who hadn't been looking at me jerked their heads up to stare with everyone else as though they were expecting me to blow them all up or worse. I hesitated, Hethien was still gazing in awe at her map and didn't notice what was going on around her like all the elven children in the room. Quickly I bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her head and then she did look up with her smile fading when she saw my expression. "Goodnight Hethien."

I turned and made my way quickly across the room, looking at the floor and very nearly walked into Urandir as a result. His arms were folded and his eyebrows were raised in distaste as they always were whenever he saw me. "Uncle Halon?" I heard Hethien ask behind me as I walked but I didn't look back or stop. "Did I say something wrong?" She asked in such a worried tone that I felt pain in my chest to know she really cared enough that she was scared she'd offended or hurt me. I pushed through the door blinking fast to hold back any and all emotion which wasn't working as well as it normally did.

It wasn't uncommon for me to have bad days, every day was a bad day for me even if I tried for it not to be. But after holding all my feelings back for so long there did come times when I couldn't do it anymore. I was getting better sure, I'd lasted thousands of years holding them in but now it seemed a small girl had brought the wall crashing back down in a second flat. I almost made it to the stairs again when a voice called after me, "Halon wait!"

"Go away Mairon." I growled as I began my ascent. There was a pause and for a moment I thought he had actually done as I asked and left me alone. I frowned and turned around only to jump backwards up the stairs because he was standing right behind me. "Bloody hell, could you not?"

"Er, sorry." He answered sheepishly. "I just wanted to see if you were alright, I mean you seemed in quite the rush to get out of there just now and umm… Seeing you now you look like you've gone seven rounds with Tulkas." I scowled at him and he hurried on, "Not that that's a bad thing I guess! You just… You're upset is all…"

"Thank you for pointing that out, I had _no_ idea." I stated darkly and began to turn away but his hand shot out and he caught my arm to stop me. I froze and he quickly let go which was a smart decision. I didn't like contact with other people and the exception to that was the little girl in the other room, no one else. "What do you want Mairon?" I turned to face him again with raised eyebrows. "Because if you have nothing more to say I would like you to leave me alone so I can go upstairs to my room in peace."

"Okay well there's the first thing I have to protest against. You always want to be alone and honestly that worries me a bit because you won't even try to open up for anyone. What if you dared to do something new and just for once made an effort to socialize and-" He was cut short and choked, staring at me with wide eyes. My hand was raised before me and I was the one making him choke but I wasn't touching him. I didn't have to.

"You think I don't make an effort?" I asked in a low voice. "You think I _like_ living this way? I didn't ask to be a Maia, I didn't ask to be different. I was created like this and I can't change that however unfortunate that may sound. I tried to fit in the day I came to this place and took a human form, just like you Mairon. The only difference is people accepted you but they never did that for me. So what did I do? I tried to go back to where we came from, I tried to go back to the stars but Iluvatar had already set his precautions in place so no one's getting back. I don't choose to be this way, it's just who I am. I didn't ask to be tethered to-" I halted abruptly and released Mairon who gasped for air and clutched at his throat.

I slowly lowered my hand, not looking at him. Yet for some reason he just wouldn't give up and as soon as he was able to speak he looked up at me with streaming eyes. "You're lonely Halon…" My eyes shot back onto him. "Yes you are, don't deny it. You're lonely I see that every day and I saw it even more just now when Hethien hugged you. You want someone to understand you like she does every day, someone more your age who will listen and be there for you. I'm offering that to you. Please don't push me away… Let me help you."

It would have been wise to accept because my refusal was, perhaps, what led to Mairon's later fate. I shook my head and I could feel my eyes betraying me as they turned sad. "You can't help me Mairon… No one can." He didn't say anything and I turned away, continuing up the stairs until his voice stopped me one last time for the night.

"I won't give up Halon."

"You should…" I muttered before turning the corner and vanishing from his sight. I walked to the end of the hall and climbed another flight of stairs to come into my room. It was a tower really and it showed even more how different I was. I had found ways to keep the light out so it was all dark inside. The stone walls and floor were cold and the only pieces of furniture were a bed, a dresser, and a mirror under which was a basin for washing. I walked to the only window in the room and after a moment pulled back the thick curtains to allow the light of Telperion in just this once.

I placed my hands on the sill and gazed out over Valinor thinking about the day and all that had happened. My mind eventually drifted to the man I'd run into; Cluna. I could only assume he was half Vala half Maia if Melkor really was living with Arien. Melkor… I shook my head and looked down feeling resentment just thinking about his name. I had never met him personally but nonetheless we were tied together in ways I could never avoid. Each of the Maiar serve a specific Vala and so their powers are alike. It explained a lot about me considering out of all the Valar to be connected to mine had to be Melkor.

I absently formed a tiny flame in the palm of my hand but it wasn't like a normal flame, it was black yet somehow emitted a soft light all the same. When I saw what I was doing I stopped and shook my head in distaste, moving away from the window. Everything I did was dark and darkness was all my powers contained. It certainly made me wonder if Melkor had actually seen error in his ways and had become good. It didn't seem like that to me. My feet came to a halt in front of the mirror and I stared at the pale reflection gazing back out at me. All I could see there was a shadow and that was all I would ever be… The shadow of Melkor.

I was sitting on the floor with my hands pressing against the stone but why did one of them hurt? Jagged cuts were all over the skin of my right hand and beads of scarlet blood were sliding from them, rolling down and under to my palms. I hadn't remembered doing anything but when I looked up at the mirror it was as though a spider had decided to create a web on its once smooth surface. I gave my hand a small flick and the mirror repaired itself in the blink of an eye but my damaged skin remained because I hadn't bothered to heal it. I didn't _want_ to heal it. Then again people would notice if I walked around with a bloody hand…

"Dammit Halon…" I breathed. "Can't you just make up your fucking mind for once?" The answer was no. I had gotten to my feet and out of nowhere was hitting the stone walls as hard as possible which was a regular occurrence for me. It distracted me with the pain it brought but I didn't care as my palms were ripped open from the rock, creating patterns of scarlet amongst the grey. I stopped and pressed my back against the wall, closing my eyes and sliding to the floor as my legs gave out under me. "I don't belong here… I'm just… I'm too different, just a dark freak alone in a world of light."

I opened my eyes and stared at my stinging hands with a bitter feeling growing inside me. "You know everyone says you're a good and gracious creator Iluvatar…" I said quietly before looking out the window at the dark sky. "And if that's the case why did you make me like this? Why won't you let me leave this place and go back to where I belong? Instead I'm stuck here in this form because I can't escape with the boundaries you've created. And I can't officially die even if my body does because I'm a spirit and spirits don't die."

I shook my head and looked down again as I whispered. "But I want to… I've asked you so many times to undo me but you're either not listening or you've seen something in my future that has to happen which is probably the case but why do I have to be such an aberration to get there? Just let me leave would you?" I placed my hands on either side of my head, grabbing my hair and squeezing my eyes shut with my knees pulled up to my chest, "Let me go!" I yelled. I didn't normally have outbursts like this. I would attack the walls yes but break down like this? Never. And just like that, I stopped and got to my feet.

My hands had stopped stinging, they were healed. I stood in front of the window and stared blankly at the Two Trees shining in the distance. "Fine. If I have to be the villain then that's what I'll be." I turned my gaze towards the sky again and glared as I felt anger and hatred coursing through me, "The villain."

The next morning I left my room just as everyone was getting up. Normally I left before Laurelin began to wax because I didn't want to see anyone in the house all day but today I did. Those who saw me looked startled that I was still there and a couple of them pulled back upon seeing my face which could only have looked on the point of murderous. I jogged down the stairs and saw Urandir standing basically in my way and I just wasn't in the mood. "Good morning Halon, where are you off too I wonder?"

"Get out of my way."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise because even I had never been this hostile before. "Or what?" He inquired. He had forced me to come to a halt which annoyed me because first off, I didn't like him and second I was in a hurry. He took a step closer, confidence never failing, " _What_ will the great Halon do?"

"Don't test me." I snarled and he laughed. "I'm done trying to be nice. So either get out of my way or I'll make you." He looked ready to retort but I cut across him, "You know who my master is correct?" Urandir blinked and suddenly looked rather nervous. "They say he's changed for the better but do you really believe it? Personally I say he's not done yet and I may just join up with him to get rid of people like you. Now, please remove yourself from my path before I do it myself." After a moment of hesitation he stepped aside and I tilted my head to one side, "Smart." Then I continued on my way and found myself going down to the basement within a minute.

The air grew more hot and humid by the second and the light faded away to be replaced by dark except for the colours of fire dancing across the walls. I could hear a hammer beating against metal and as I came around the bend it was to see, for the first time, the forge Mairon had created. It was a huge space, vast and cavernous which didn't seem possible with the upstairs but then again it was Mairon who was often unpredictable. His back was to me as he worked on something I couldn't see and he didn't hear me with all the noises the area created. Steam rose from the furnaces, creating blurs and odd shapes.

I suppose I should explain the reason Mairon was so determined to be helpful and a friend to me. He was also connected to Melkor. People just didn't see that because he had a much more likeable figure I suppose with his gently tanned skin, orange hair that was always in perfect waves, and he was a much more sociable person anyway. The only thing people found strange about him were his eyes because they were as orange as the embers in his furnaces. So basically while I looked like a dead person at least he looked alive. I'm pretty sure Melkor knew about him by then but not me since I was much better at hiding myself so that while the elves knew about me, he did not. I planned to keep it that way as long as possible.

"Mairon." I shouted over the noise and he paused, "Mairon!" I called again. He spun around still holding a hammer and in all honesty he looked a bit deranged… "Er, right… I need a favour." He made a gesture to say he couldn't hear me and I rolled my eyes, snapping my finger so that suddenly all the noise of the forge was gone. "I said I need a favour."

His eyes lit up (literally) and he smiled, "Sure! What do you need?" He didn't seem disturbed by the lack of noise in the slightest which I found odd because I knew he preferred all the sound to distract him. I took a few steps closer and frowned when I saw what he was making. He glanced back and then laughed, "Oh yeah that… Do you like them?" He put down his hammer and raised both of his hands up for me to see. On each finger were at _least_ two rings and I started to think the guy had a mild jewelry obsession.

"Umm… Sure." I answered slowly.

"I can make you one," he began, looking way too excited at the prospect of making a ring for someone other than himself. Clearly rings were his best work and that turned out to be a very bad thing later in the history of the world.

"Oh no really it's fine," I began but too late. He'd turned around and started banging away on the current ring he was making. Then he halted and marched over to me, grabbing my hand and holding it up for his inspection before returning to his work. It took a surprisingly short amount of time for him to complete the task and when he returned to me he held out the new ring. Somehow it wasn't burning him and I hesitated to take it, thinking it _would_ burn me but nothing happened as my fingers connected with the silver. I examined the small object to see he'd created the band in the shape of a sleeping dragon that was curled up around a black stone. "Thanks…"

"Of course!" Mairon answered happily. "Now what was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Oh right," For some reason unknown I actually put on the ring. I never took it off, not even after everything I went through in life. "I need you to forge a sword for me." His smile vanished and turned to a look of shock. No one created weapons in Valinor, no one. "Look I know what I'm asking and I know what you're going to say, that it'll just make people like me less, but right now I don't care. I have this weird feeling something's going to happen and I know I'm going to need a sturdy blade to help get through it. You're the best blacksmith in Valinor and the only one I would trust to ask this."

"Halon what you're- Wait, you trust me?" His voice had gone quiet and he sounded truly wondrous as though he couldn't believe his ears. I didn't say anything and I didn't have to for him to understand, "Right! One sword coming up! But first I need to get a preference."

"Three feet seven inches. Nothing fancy just a regular sword with a leather grip on the pommel." I answered automatically. Mairon looked ready to ask if I didn't at least want some kind of design on the hilt or cross guard and I hurried on before he could. "I don't want any designs because really it's not about looking good it's about survival." He nodded grimly and set to work in silence. "And Mairon?" He paused and glanced at me again to see me give him a rare smile. "Thank you. I appreciate this a lot." He grinned back and I took that as my cue to leave, heading back upstairs to find a group of elves assembled a few yards away from the door I came through.

My whole body tensed in an instant and I could feel myself starting to shake like I had last night and I understood then what it was. I was anxious and even afraid of these people… True I was more powerful by a long shot but was I really when I couldn't do anything without walking closer to the edge? "Can I help you with something?" I asked when no one said anything.

"What did you want with Mairon?" Urandir had returned and he looked beyond angry with me since he'd gotten over his shock. I gave a short laugh that held no humor and some of them exchanged shifty glances like they were confirming something. No doubt the fact that I was a psychopath in their eyes.

"Am I not allowed to talk to people now?" They were all frowning at me when I said this and I rolled my eyes, "You know sometimes _I_ do talk to people and not the other way around. But I don't expect you to know that considering you've never given me a chance. Oh wait a second, what am I doing right now? _Talking to you_. Now excuse me. I have places to go." I really didn't but they didn't need to know that as I stalked through their group and outside. The light of Laurelin was everywhere and I glowered at it as though the tree had somehow offended me.

I walked back to the busy part of Valmar and for once I didn't hear them whispering and didn't see them staring. I was searching for something and for that I needed to be in the market and I wasn't going to let the people of Valinor stop me cause guess what? I lived there too. I stopped at a stall and the elf gave me a nervous smile which I didn't return as I set to examining the bows spread on the table before him. Bows, like any other weapon, were considered special and 'exotic' objects the elves brought with them from Beleriand. Only in Valinor…

I glanced sideways as someone came to stand beside me and then frowned doing a double take. There was a female elf standing there staring at me… The weird thing was that she looked curious and nothing else. Her hair was a gold brown and her hazel eyes held the same wonder as her expression. One of my eyebrows flicked up as I turned back to the bows deciding to brush her off since everyone else stared at me too. She didn't stop though and her gaze was so different than any other before that I was starting to get annoyed and slightly on edge. "Forgive me if this sounds abrupt or rude," I started, turning to look at her again, "But why are you looking at me?"

She smiled, "Because you interest me." Well _that_ was new. I narrowed my eyes at her and her smile never faltered, "They're beautiful aren't they?" She gestured to the bows and I slowly nodded wondering why she changed the topic. "I remember Beleriand well. I can't say that I miss it too much though, Valinor is my home now. It's just such a wonderful place and being so close to the Valar is truly marvelous." Right… Preparing to leave. "What's your interest in them?"

"That's a matter between myself and the voices in my head." I muttered. She was laughing, why was she laughing? I didn't say anything funny… I frowned as I stared at the bow right in front of me. It was a longbow, perfectly smooth and inky black. Simple yet elegant. I picked it up and let the wood run across my hands before testing the string for tension and deciding I liked the feel of it. The elf behind the stand still looked nervous but that was the most I did before selecting a quiver to go with it and buying them from him. Arrows were a no because no one had them so I would have to make my own which wouldn't be a problem.

"That has nice pull." Dear Iluvatar save me, she was _still_ there! I glanced at her again to see her still giving me that soft smile too. Apparently she read my expression wrong because she extended a hand to me and I hesitantly shook hers. "I never introduced myself, I'm Silia." My jaw clenched and I felt my stomach twisting into knots as I let go of her hand.

"That's my note to leave then."

I started to walk past her but hadn't gone more than a few feet before a startlingly gentle hand wrapped around my arm and stopped me. "Wait!" Silia's smile was gone and she looked worried instead. "You haven't told me your name and you can't just leave like that without any explanation!" I do believe she was making that up… But she looked sincere enough so I figured this wasn't some kind of trick to give Elioril an excuse to pummel me. Speaking of which, that made me glance around the market nervously to make sure he wasn't around somewhere because I'd rather avoid another encounter with him.

"Er…" I locked eyes with her again since I couldn't see her brother anywhere. "I'm uh… Halon." A startled look crossed her features and I felt even more anxious about that, "Look I don't want to cause any trouble and I know your brother doesn't want me anywhere near you so I think it'd be best if…" I had been backing up slowly but stopped when my back hit a stand full of jewelry, hair items, and accessories as I knocked over a large amount of what was on display. "Oh great… Sorry, sorry!" I put up my hands in defense to the miffed looking stall owner and quickly tried to fix the damage. I spun around to see Silia biting her lip as though to contain laughter. "Umm…" I nervously ran a hand along the back of my neck.

"I don't mind being around you," Silia said brightly. I gave her a doubtful look and she pondered me for a moment, "You really haven't been shown much compassion have you? I… Elioril told me about what happened last night you see," I shifted uncertainly on my feet. "But in all honesty I think he had it coming to him. He did mistake you for someone else and to go jumping to conclusions like that wasn't like him or very wise. You were right to defend yourself, that's all." I could only stare at her dumbfounded while she offered me another smile. "If he shows up or tries to bother you again I'll take care of it." She promised.

"Thanks…"

There was a small gap of silence until Silia grinned, "Still want to stay away or are you going to walk with me?" I wondered in the back of my mind if Iluvatar had heard me and this was his way of changing things slowly and one by one. It was certainly an odd way of going about it if that was the case. Gradually I started towards her and followed her for a few paces until falling into step next to her. People gave us second glances but Silia didn't seem to mind whereas I did. "So Halon," I jumped at the sound of her voice. "If you don't mind, what's your story?"

"My story?" She nodded but I didn't quite understand what she wanted to know. No one had asked me something like that before but I supposed it was safe enough to tell her. It's not like I had much of a past that was interesting anyway. "Well… I'm guessing you know that I'm one of the Maiar. So we all came down to this place after the Valar, took on human looks, and… That's pretty much it." Silia raised her eyebrow at me in such a disbelieving way it made me apprehensive.

"That can't be it."

"It can't?"

"No." She thought for a moment, "I mean the Maiar have been around for ages so you must have seen at least some exciting things! Surely you've lived through parts of our history that had different perspectives than in Beleriand because you were here in Valinor." This girl was too smart for her own good and I didn't like the way she was so easy and open. "Come on…" She gave me a small nudge and I almost froze again, "Anything? The coming of the elves, the different ends to the ages, the creation of the Trees?"

"Yes I've seen all those things," I answered. "I was there to see Yavanna and Nienna create and grow Telperion and Laurelin. There was nothing but darkness at first until two little sprouts poked out of the earth at the sound of Yavanna singing and Nienna's tears were what helped them grow. They didn't look all that impressive honestly, just twigs. But as the hours drew on they grew taller and taller until branches expanded from them with their leaves and fruits. Then came the light…" I was lost in the memory, seeing the Trees grow all over again. "A soft glow… One silver and one gold growing brighter by the moment until they shone to their fullest extent and cast away the shadows of Valinor."

My mouth twitched as I remembered the awe everyone, including myself, had felt on that day. "They faded in and out after that, taking turns to bring night and day. But every once in a very long time they will shine together for a full day together before returning to normal. They have never shone as bright as they did on that day though… It was extraordinary magic… Beautiful and calming. A couple days later was when they decided they'd let Arien be the keeper of Laurelin. I've never seen anyone as happy as she was…" I paused, thinking about the fiery spirit and wondering what had happened to her since the rumors of her living with Melkor.

"That sounds like it was amazing…" I had honestly forgotten Silia was even there for a moment. But for once I didn't jump or tense up, I simply nodded in agreement. "I wish I could have seen it. Just hearing it described… I can't even begin to imagine what it was like in person." Then she smiled brightly again as if she had come out of a trance, "So what about the other two subjects? You said you've seen them all." What did she want? My entire life story?

"Er yeah… The arrival of the elves was a bit uneventful really, no offense or anything. I mean I'm sure it was highly exciting from your standpoint but all we had to look forward to was when you all got here and that was it." I barely kept the sarcasm out of my tone and luckily she didn't notice it. "As for the ending of the different ages, I suppose that was rousing. The first one ended with Melkor marring the music, the second ended with Melkor bringing down the lamps. So who knows really how the third one will end…" _'With Melkor doing something stupid no doubt'_ , I thought. "I suppose that's it."

Silia looked thoughtful about something or other, "Interesting… Have you heard about the Silmarils?" I made a face and rolled my eyes because I had indeed heard of the Silmarils and had actually seen them too but considering I thought Feanor was an obnoxious prick I didn't really care that much. I'm guessing it was lucky Silia didn't see that either. I knew that a _lot_ of the elves greatly respected and liked Feanor so I was very careful not to say anything about him out loud. The truth was I had only seen the Silmarils in person because I'd met Feanor in person, which was the only way anyone saw them because they were always on his being. He and I had a bit of a _disagreement_ , shall we say?

So instead I answered Silia with, "Who hasn't?" She made an expression resembling 'fair enough' knowing I had a point. Feanor didn't exactly keep his work private which wasn't smart if he was that protective of them. Everyone knew about them and it surprised me no one had tried to steal them yet. It wouldn't be that hard really… "We seem to have reached the end of the market." I commented the obvious and Silia laughed again even though I hadn't said anything slightly amusing.

"So we have." She replied in a soft voice. "Are you continuing this way or…?" I gave a small sound of confirmation and we continued walking but now in silence for a while. I didn't know where I was going, I rarely did. Most times I just wandered all day but sometimes I would find a secluded spot to spend the day, in any case I stayed outside until Telperion started to shine. The result of all this was that I knew Valinor better than anyone ever would which for some reason I wasn't proud of, I actually resented it because it was just proof of how much time I spent alone.

A lot of people think that when you're alone you don't want anyone near you and sometimes that's true but not always. I only liked being alone because every time I tried to open up to someone I'd been put down. Silia was the first person I partially dared to connect with in thousands of years because she listened first. I wouldn't call her a friend though, definitely not. In my life I never called anyone a friend until years after the world fell into ruin for a third time but we'll get to that later. There's also the matter which Silia was about to address in a few minutes time which very nearly made me shut down entirely…

"Halon…" She began slowly and I turned my head to look at her. "I don't want to sound like I'm intruding here," my heart started beating faster just when she said that, "But from what I've heard you saying and just the way you act, you don't really interact with others much do you?" I shook my head stiffly. "I'm just curious but haven't you ever thought about love?" I stopped walking rather abruptly and she took a few more paces before halting and rotating to look at me. "Umm, Halon?" I was staring at the ground a few feet away from me and my regular frown had found its way back onto my face. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

I blinked and looked at her again, "You didn't. No, I've never thought about love." I was lying when I said that. I had given thought to it many times in my earlier years but so far hadn't found it anywhere. I assumed that love was for people like Manwe and Varda, Orome and Vana, all those pairs in this world but not for someone like me who was nearly as dark as Melkor and didn't really understand the concept anyway. Not for a long time at least. I saw something like a trace of sadness or disappointment flash in her eyes.

"You've never thought that maybe there could be something more to life than being by yourself?" I noticed she didn't say alone and I found myself appreciating that because alone was such a misunderstood and despondent word. I just studied her in silence and her brow creased in a frown back at me. "If… If you don't mind me asking, why is that?" My hands were shaking now, I was starting to notice this was becoming a regular occurrence. I curled my fingers into fists and out again trying to relax a bit but it didn't work.

"I guess it's because I've just never experienced it myself so it just sort of… Went away." That was as far into details I ever got with anyone I didn't know very well, which was basically everyone but myself. I frowned for a moment because that explanation just didn't sound right to me, probably because it wasn't entirely true and the more I was with Silia the less I liked lying to her. Nonetheless I was losing comfort with where the conversation was headed and felt relief when the golden light around the land started to fade and be replaced by silver. Both of us looked up turning our eyes to the Two Trees and watched the shift from day to night.

"Well…" I cleared my throat nervously. "I should be heading back or Urandir will subject me to something like last night again…" She didn't know what I was talking about but she could tell whatever it was I didn't like.

"I'm continuing this way," She gestured behind her and I nodded a touch in acknowledgement. I inclined my head again and started to walk back the way we'd come but she called after me, "Halon?" I faced her again for the last time that night. "It's not entirely hopeless you know. You can find kindness. It might take a long time but someday you'll see and you're life will change because of it." Silia smiled gently again, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Silia." Then the two of us walked our separate ways both of us heading home. The next time I would see her was under very different circumstances and it would become one of the greatest regrets of my life. I thought about her words as I walked, ignoring everyone I passed as I got lost in thought wondering if she could be right. I made it back to the house in the eighth hour and luckily this time no one tried to put me in any uncomfortable situations. However when I walked through the door it was to see Mairon sitting on the stair drumming his fingers impatiently on his leg.

His orange eyes looked up upon hearing the door open and locked on me causing him to jump up and hurry over. "I completed it." He said in a voice both urgent and excited. It took me a moment to remember what exactly he was talking about but when I did I followed him down to his forge where he presented his finished project to me. It was a sword just as I asked. Simple and graceful made of a dark grey steel with razor sharp edges. He must have seen my question in my eyes because he grinned and said, "It's made of a very rare metal, the likes of which you will only find here in Valinor. Light as a feather yet just as deadly as any other blade."

I turned the magnificent weapon over in my hand, taking in every detail and edge. It was indeed feather light with a perfect balance and already I was feeling a fondness for it. I lowered the sword, the light of the fires catching in its surface every time it moved. "It's perfect… Thank you Mairon, I don't know if I can repay you for this."

"You don't have to," he answered sincerely. "It was my pleasure. The first sword I made actually! Really fun! And it only took me thirty minutes so I made a couple other things as well." Observing the area I could see what he meant but it wasn't exactly a couple. He'd made a few more swords as well as several daggers, some spears and lances, and a cluster of shields; not to mention I saw about three more new rings on his fingers. Not only was he known as the greatest smith in all the land, he was also probably the fastest save Aule.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you in return?"

He smiled moderately and reached out to place a hand on my shoulder which I didn't shrug off or back away from. "Just… Try to fit in okay?" He asked nervously and waited in anticipation for me to answer. I settled for giving a nod after taking a deep breath and he patted my shoulder only stopping me again as I started to leave. "Oh and be careful taking that upstairs. If anyone sees it…" He didn't need to finish the sentence or give me the serious look he did for me to understand.

"Of course."


	4. Chapter Two: Threatening Feanor

Chapter Two: Threatening Feanor

At first I kept my promise and was careful to make sure no one saw the weapon Mairon had forged for me. It wouldn't be good for either of us. But eventually I didn't care anymore and was never parted from it and I had named the blade Milad, meaning 'Original'. I practiced in my room for weeks, remembering the fighting styles, techniques, and movements of the Valar back when they had used such things. I knew it wasn't anything like a real fight and I probably wouldn't win any first few fights but at least I could defend myself and would be able to go down trying.

The first time I wore the sword outside my room I was tempted to sever Urandir's head as he was getting on my last nerves. However that was strictly against the laws of Valinor; hurting people or killing things. The elf met me in the entrance hall again given that I rarely went anywhere else in the house but I always wondered how it was that he managed to run into me so often. "Well, well Halon this is the third day in a row you haven't slipped away in the earliest hours of morning." He was probably ready to make some snide remark about how I was becoming careless when his eyes fell on the sword hanging by my hip in a sheath. "What's that?"

"You know… Most people would recognize a sword when they saw one." I answered in a dull voice. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me as I strode across the large floor towards the exit.

"You know we're not supposed to have things like that. The Valar have forbidden it." He warned, following me at a quick pace and beating me to the door so I couldn't leave. "What do you think they'll do when they find out you have that? They won't like it that's for certain. I expect they may even make you stay in the Hall of Mandos for a time so you can think about what you've done." He seemed positively delighted at the thought of me being imprisoned in the Hall. Only one person ever had before, Melkor, and I didn't plan to go the same way. Yet I had been walking on the same path ever since I had come to Valinor.

"So let them!" I answered impatiently. The astoundment in his eyes was enough to make me a bit irritated. I didn't have time for this. "Look I'd really appreciate it if you would let me through." He was still mulling things over as his gaze wandered over me curiously, "Urandir really… I don't care what the Valar may or may not do to me. I've been walking the fine line for nearly my entire life and if I have to cross it one way or the other to finally become who I am then so be it and damn them to the Outer Dark."

Urandir looked appalled that I would even dare to say such a thing about the Valar. The Outer Dark was simply another name for the Timeless Void where they had first imprisoned Melkor after his capture. To condemn the Valar to that place was basically to see the guardians of this world locked away forever where they could do nothing to this realm. A world without the Valar would, no doubt, be chaotic and filled with nothing but malice and darkness but that didn't matter to me. At least it would make things interesting and I might actually have something to do every day that would keep me away from all the rumors.

When the elf before me still didn't move I drew my sword and placed the tip at the base of his neck. He tried to show no fear but it backfired in his faltering stare. "Do I have to ask you again?" I inquired in a low voice. He slowly pulled away from the sharp point and stepped aside. I sheathed the blade and gave him a dour smile, "Thank you." Then I left him standing there speechless in the hall.

As I walked between buildings and onto the road in sight of people they started to mutter while some didn't even bother to keep their voices down when they saw the sword by my side. I just walked on and tuned them out like I always did because I was expecting this (if not worse) from them. Eventually they got the message that their murmurs didn't affect me so they stopped and went back to what they normally did. I glimpsed Silia for a moment standing just outside a fabric shop with her brother and ducked my head to make sure she wouldn't see me. True she most likely wouldn't come near me when Elioril was around and I wouldn't go near her unless I had a death wish. Which I didn't.

My route was the usual but where I ended up was different. I found myself stepping off the roads and paths, climbing up an empty hill and once I made it to the top I had a spectacular view of Valinor. I stood like a statue for a few seconds just taking in the sight until I slowly sat down and continued to just watch the world. It was quiet and peaceful up there. There was no one around to bother me and for once I had a clear mind and was able to sit there without hundreds of thoughts fighting in my head. In the distance I could see a figure standing under the Two Trees and let a small smile come across my lips despite my mood.

I watched as the figure moved between the Great Trees and it seemed to dance in their midst, bathing in their light. Eventually I heaved a sigh and lay on my back, gazing up at the sky instead. The figure seemed so happy and content to just stand there in the presence of such beauty. Yes, I recognized it as beauty because Laurelin and Telperion were indeed the most alluring and stunning sight in any of the realms. Never again would the world see anything near to their beguiling splendor. Not even the Silmarils which had been modeled and created after them and contained their light.

My ears picked up the sounds of someone coming up the hill and I frowned because I was pretty sure no one ever went somewhere not specifically marked on a map in Valinor… I didn't move because there was no point since it wasn't such a big hill they would see me leaving anyway. So I waited until the person reached the top where I was and looked out the corner of my eyes to see the creator of the Silmarils himself standing there smiling coldly at me. I sighed again, "Good morning Feanor."

"Why Halon, I did not expect to find you up here." I made a skeptical face because I wasn't an idiot. I knew he had seen me and followed me up. That was the only reason Feanor would ever stray from the official roads and come up to this place. The three jewels of light were, as usual, around his neck and resting on his chest where their light rolled off him in waves of small magnificence. Feanor crossed the grass and to my surprise he lay down beside me, saying not another word.

"May I help you with something?" I asked when he still said nothing. The light from the Silmarils was severely bright and honestly starting to hurt my eyes from being so close but I didn't want to say anything about it because Feanor was seriously defensive of those things. It was like they were his newborn sons and while people said this wasn't true, I feel like he valued them more than his real sons too. He certainly went through a lot more trouble than was necessary to keep them safe. Then again I suppose I couldn't say anything considering I myself didn't have any children, which ironically Feanor was about to point out to me.

"I find that there are few true things of marvel and beauty in life." He began and I can't deny I was confused as to what this had to do with anything. Feanor was usually pretty vague about things and liked to take all the time in the world. I discovered a long time ago it was generally a better idea to remain silent and let him get to the point rather than interrupt with questions. "The light we live in is beyond compare as it is. We should consider ourselves blessed that we are here to live in this paradise while it lasts."

I almost asked what he meant by _'while it lasts'_ because I didn't exactly like the sounds of that. I forced myself to keep it back and just stay quiet. "I created the Silmarils in an attempt to preserve some of the light so that a part of them may always exist and from what I know I seem to have succeeded in this task." I shrugged as best I could but I was more focused on the way he was saying these things as though he had foreseen something no one else had. I didn't think that was possible though, the only one I knew of who could see the future was King Manwe.

"But there are things in the world that hold greater value than any light." Honestly I didn't know whether or not to believe him because Feanor tended to exaggerate things and while others may not have been able to hear it, he just didn't sound like he meant his words at all to me. "Some people think there is nothing better than the light while others perhaps think life is a gift above even it. I myself hold my family to be above the light of this world. My father and my sons are very dear to me." He paused for a moment and asked, sounding mildly interested, "What about you Halon? Is there anything you value more than the light?"

I contemplated the question for a while and when I answered it was very carefully. "I don't believe one should hold too much value of material things nor do I think we should become too attached to things of sentiment." Here Feanor let out a short laugh and I clenched my jaw tightly, not once looking at him.

"You really are a mystery. How exactly it is you've managed to get through life without the slightest bit of attachment not even once?" He didn't give me a chance to answer before plunging into his next statement. "I know how much you wish to be like the rest of us and to just blend in with the crowds instead of… Sticking out." The way he said it made me really want to punch him in the face right then and there. I mean there was no one around so why not? "And why not? Don't we all deserve a chance to live ordinary lives and just be normal?"

"Do we?"

He gave a short amused sniff and smiled slightly, "Of course. We all have a chance to, we just need to be able to see it and take the moment when it arrives." That was the most helpful advice I ever received from him. "For you Halon… Oh I don't know maybe someday you'll be surprised and settle down instead of spending every day wandering around in search of nothing. Get to know some people, make friends, possibly find yourself a wife." I shifted as though I was about to spring to my feet and leave him there but he wasn't done yet and the conversation was about to turn fairly awkward in roughly two seconds flat. "You know you could do with some kids. They change your perspective, really they do."

I felt like he was having a go at me because nearly everyone in Valinor knew I was about as unattached as you could get. Family wasn't exactly something I ever thought about. None of the Maiar had family because while Iluvatar had created all of us, he hadn't made any of us as siblings so none of us were actually related and the only way we had family was to marry and have children. As far as I knew only one of us had ever done that. "I'll keep my perspective the way it is thank you, you can have all the sons you want."

"You've never entertained the idea?"

"No."

"Come now Halon!" Feanor argued, clearly enjoying this as much as I wasn't. He was the second person in a month who had confronted me about these topics and I was sensing a pattern here in the fact that both of them were either people I didn't like or were connected to people I didn't like. Again my mind drifted to Iluvatar and questioned him that maybe this _was_ his way of changing things. "You don't want any sons of your own to pass your knowledge onto?" I turned my head to give him a look that said _'really?'_ and he grinned deviously back. "Why not? Being a father is one of the greatest achievements in life, in my opinion."

"Why do you care so much whether or not I want a family?" I inquired meticulously, sitting up suddenly. "I don't alright? I'm not like you. I'm not going to go live in some perfect house with a… A woman and have kids that I'd have to look after and make sure they stay alive until they can take care of themselves. What… Who do you think I am?!" I asked incredulously. "I can hardly take care of myself properly and you're suggesting I go and have _children_?" Feanor sat up too still looking faintly amused and I couldn't understand why until he spoke next.

"Are you afraid Halon?"

I just stared at him for a moment before giving up and nodding because I figured he wouldn't stop bothering me unless I did. "Yes. Yes, I'm afraid." I stated in a blunt voice. "Because any child of mine would have to grow up being despised and feared because of me. That's not something I would want to put upon anyone, least of all an innocent child." I narrowed my eyes, "But that's not something I would expect you to understand. You with your thousand followers, your seven sons, perfect life… Just wait though and see where it gets you in the end." His eyes darkened in question and he was clearly sensing what I was building up to. He thought it was a threat and in a way I suppose it was when really it was more of a warning.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you need to watch yourself more." I answered calmly. "You take pride in everything you have and there are things you would do well to keep hidden. However you seem to think you're invincible and so you flaunt those things and show them to the world because you can't understand that it's not all as peaceful as you make it out to be. One of these days someone is going to see the same way I do and when that day comes don't say I didn't warn you. It's not always a good thing to be attached and I'm not talking about people…" I looked him dead in the eye and his darkened in anger upon hearing my words.

"Are you _threatening_ me?" He asked sharply. I shrugged in a noncommittal way that could have been yes or no, I would let him choose how he took the message. "Well I can assure you that I am well prepared for anything. Whatever you think might happen will not come to pass. Not on my watch." I probably shouldn't have provoked him or anything but he had already done that to me so I was just going to serve him what he dished out right back.

"Then I fear for anything you want to keep protected if you're the one watching them." His brow shot up at the insult but I wasn't done. "Bad things tend to happen when you least expect it. Just saying. So don't get too comfortable in your perfect life because you never know what might happen." I shrugged again, "And people wonder why I don't get attached…" I cast an unamused glance his way and got to my feet. "Have a good day Feanor." I turned and started to go down the hill but before I could leave he called out to me again.

"You might be the one making threats now Halon," he said loudly. "But one day your words are going to turn around on you. _You_ watch out because if you keep up on this path you might just find yourself making many enemies you shouldn't. Being a villain never got anyone anywhere and it won't for you either." He was talking about Melkor and his dark creations really, there weren't any other official evil beings known to existence yet. Feanor was also one of the only people besides some of the Valar and I who didn't believe Melkor was good. "You should be more careful to avoid _him_."

I didn't turn around to face him but half glanced over my shoulder, "It's not I who should be careful to avoid him. Did you really think your precious Silmarils would stay secret for long? You can bet he knows about them and given his reputation I would suggest you lock them away where he'll never be able to reach them or I fear the glorious Feanor may come to a sudden and tragic end." Then I left him there on the hill to think about my warning. The next time I would see Feanor wasn't under happy circumstances. Let's just say that anyone I met a second time here it wouldn't be good.

As I made my way back towards Valmar I, in return, thought about what Feanor had spoken about. All of it really. First was his warning that I watch myself because I knew he was right there. Almost everyone knew me and it was really surprising therefore that Melkor hadn't heard of me yet. I put these thoughts aside however as I reassured myself I had lasted this long and that if by chance Melkor _did_ find out about me I had ways of disappearing and had made plans a long time ago to put in action if something like that ever happened. Then my mind drifted to what he had mentioned earlier in the conversation. Family.

I came to such a sudden halt that I made myself stumble in alarm as I remembered something. I changed course because I now had a specific destination and I had someone that I needed to speak with because she was the only one who would have the answers for me. I made my way through the edge of Valmar and came to a path that was far less smooth. It was less traveled because while everyone admired the Two Trees from afar they didn't usually go up close and personal with them. The magic of the Trees proved itself on that path.

On either side rose tall hills like walls, roots and tufts of grass lined the dirt and rocks I walked amongst. In any other place the path would have been covered in shadow and it would have been hard to navigate but the Trees cast a light that reached every corner no matter how well guarded and so the hills had no effect. Light spilled down onto the track and sparkled gently as though bits of gold were caught in it. The closer one got to the Trees the more prominent these glitters became until they seemed to swirl around you like tiny fairies.

I reached the base of Ezellohar and looked up to my destination. Ezellohar was a tall hill just outside Valmar on top of which resided Telperion and Laurelin. The Trees were no longer visible at this angle but as soon as I climbed the slope they would come into view much grander and larger than anywhere else you could see them. A stone stair was built into the hill to make the climb easier and I considered what I was doing before making up my mind and starting to rise with the light. It took me a minute or two to reach the top of Ezellohar and when I did I simply stopped and took in the sight for a respectful amount of time before continuing towards them.

Laurelin was closer from this side than Telperion was. Her trunk was a light gold brown, stretching towards the sky as the daylight shone forth from her. Laurelin's leaves were dark green with gold trim and even though the gold was considerably less than green it overpowered the darker colour and sent out waves of light over the land. Telperion was faded for now and his trunk was of the same brown but with shades of silver instead. His leaves were dark, nearly black, and rimmed with that silver which would grow into a bright light later and take over for his sister.

I walked as close as I dared to Laurelin. She radiated an intense heat that no one wanted to get too near to except for one woman who was the person I searched for in that moment. I had seen her on that hill before Feanor found me and while I hadn't spoken much to her we knew each other. Amongst the brightness it took a moment to see anything other than tree and therefore it also took me a few minutes to realize that what I mistook to be a part of Laurelin wasn't Laurelin at all but the person I wanted to speak with.

I called to her from where I stood because I couldn't exactly get any closer than I was. It was already making me sweat just standing here on the edge of the hill. She turned at the sound of a voice and looked startled to see me standing there but glad at the same time for a visitor. She gave a quick wave and gestured that she would be over as soon as she finished her task so I nodded and left her to it. I hoped she would be willing to talk to me and answer my questions no matter how strange they seemed. From the times I had known her before she hadn't been very open preferring to keep her secrets close so this may or may not prove to be difficult.

I needed to have a conversation with Arien.


	5. Chapter Three: The Lady of the Sun

Chapter Three: The Lady of the Sun

I watched as Arien raised her arms to Laurelin and make graceful movements with her hands, smiling the whole time. Gradually I noticed little droplets of gold that resembled water sliding from the leaves and falling slowly towards her. She lifted up a large pitcher and collected the drops which I realized must be the dew of Laurelin that was used to water both Trees. I had never seen anyone do this before and found it as intriguing as it was at the same time wondrous. When every drop was collected Arien set to work watering the Trees and only when she was finished did she set down the pitcher and head towards me.

She was so focused and dedicated to the care of Laurelin and Telperion that it amazed me anyone could be that passionate about something. I knew that in becoming the keeper of Laurelin she had tethered her human form to its life which was a great risk but as long as Laurelin was safe, so was she. Arien pointed at me when she was a few feet away, "Halon right?" She asked just to double check and I nodded. Most of the Maiar knew each other's names but since we had little contact with each other we tended to forget unless you were well known like her. "This is certainly a surprise! What can I do for you?"

Arien happened to be one of those rare people you meet who doesn't exactly care who you are. She'll be nice to you even if you threaten to slice her head off. However as soon as you attempt to actually do that she'd make you think twice about ever attacking her again. I'd seen the woman in a fight and she could be downright scary. At first glance she may not have looked like much but really look at her and you could see just how tough she was. Her skin was tan, showing in places from the flowing dress she wore. Her hair was like a waterfall of fire and when it rippled the flames seemed to come alive. Her eyes were a sparkling blue full of kindness and mischief but they turned orange and glowed brighter than even the Trees when she was particularly mad.

I noticed that her feet were bare and one of my eyebrows shot up in confusion and question to which she gave a small laugh, "Who needs shoes? Besides, it's much easier to get a foothold and not trip over tree roots without them on. I find them highly inconvenient for my work. Not saying that I don't have shoes, because I do, I'm just saying I don't wear them out here because let's face it, from what you've seen it would just be plain stupid to put them on." That was basically Arien in a nutshell. She was a free spirit who couldn't be controlled by anyone and she wasn't afraid to tell you what she thought in a situation. "Anyway enough about that, what's up?"

"Right…" I shook my head slightly and made myself focus on why I had come here, not the fact that Arien wasn't wearing any shoes. "I can understand if you don't want to talk to me about this since you might find it personal," I started off with the heads up so she would have a slight warning as to what was coming next. "But I wanted to ask you some things about Melkor." She clearly hadn't been expecting that as her eyebrows went up and her mouth came open a fraction from amazement.

"Oh!" She blinked a couple times and gave a small frown as she tilted her head to the side studying me. "What exactly do you want to know?" She sounded highly confused yet curious at the same time and I took that to be a good sign. Arien sank to sit cross-legged on the ground and patted the space in front of her for me to do that same. She hadn't shut down or refused me yet but I wasn't going to hold too much hope in case she did once I told her what I wanted to know. However, it seemed that luck would favour me at last even if it was just this once.

I sat down and cleared my throat anxiously. "I'd like to know how you two found each other and started your family." It was an incredibly blunt and not very clear way to tell her what I was asking for but I didn't really know how to phrase it otherwise without it sounding as though I was accusing anything of being false. Even if Arien didn't exactly understand what I meant or was talking about she at least made an effort to explain and I appreciated that very much from her.

"Umm well we sort of met in a fight…" She started awkwardly and I tried my best _not_ to look startled or even amused by this news. "It was when the elves still in Middle-Earth called for the Valar to come help them get rid of Melkor, you were there for that right?" I nodded and she looked a little easier since I knew exactly what she was talking about. "Right, I uh… I went out to challenge him a few hours before we were supposed to attack because I was tired of just sitting there waiting. And so I-"

"Wait, sorry to interrupt but you just went out there and _challenged_ Melkor? _Alone_?" I had put up a hand to stop her and she grinned sheepishly while I rolled my eyes. "You're either a complete psycho or the bravest person I've ever met. Please, continue."

"So yeah I went to his fortress, somehow or other I just walked my way inside I mean it wasn't exactly hard… His security system sucked, just saying." Another gift Arien possessed without knowing it was her ability to make even me laugh just from the way she said things. I was trying very hard not to even grin because she was being deadly serious. "I found him alone in his throne room and he wasn't expecting me obviously so I guess I threw him for a bit of a loop really. Maybe I would have won that fight if he wasn't such a fast one to recover. I'm not going to give you details about what happened because that's personal, but I will tell you this…"

She leaned in closer and spoke in a low voice as though she was afraid to be overheard. "In that moment he could have destroyed me and sent my spirit back to Iluvatar but he didn't…" She looked at a place over my shoulder but I don't think she was really seeing it, instead being caught in a memory. "Sure he was menacing but… I don't think he ever really wanted to hurt me from what I saw in his eyes…" She fell silent for a few seconds and then shook her head, jolting out of it and looking at me again with a smile. "He let me go. He came to find me again when he was released from the Hall and I was hesitant at first. Seriously, I flat out refused to even let him talk to me when he first approached me."

"What made you change your mind?" I asked quietly.

She grinned, "Oh you know, he wouldn't leave me alone. I spent most of my time here because I knew he wouldn't get too close to Laurelin but as soon as I would leave for the night he was always there trying to get me to talk to him. After a while my shell just broke and I started to see it was actually pretty adorable and amazing how hard he tried and man his persistence just would _not_ give up!" She shrugged after a pause, "That's pretty much it really. I mean I clearly fell for him eventually and well… The end result is that I get to see a side of him no one knows and I became a mother to two of the most wonderful children I could ask for."

"You have two children?" I questioned curiously and she smiled in confirmation. I had only learned about Cluna about a month ago and I still had no clue about the other one until now. "I uh… I've met your son actually. He seems like a good guy." It was kind of weird saying stuff like that because while we weren't all the same age we all roughly looked like we were. I knew elves who looked older than their parents which I personally found really weird because why would you want to look older than the people who created you?

"Yeah… Yeah he is." She said fondly. "I remember when he was just ten years old, which was when my daughter was born. He was such a ball of energy and we always had to be careful and watch him in case he accidentally set fire to a room or something like that." I felt my eyes widen at this and she laughed, "Nah don't worry, he never did anything serious. By the time he was old enough for his magic to be dangerous he could control it. Now Estel on the other hand didn't learn to use her magic for a _long_ time. But same story, she's got the hang of it now as I would hope considering she's a thousand years old now."

"That's still relatively young in our lives." I commented and she nodded fairly. "Arien you sort of answered my question. I guess what I really want to know is how you saw through his mistakes and just…" I didn't know how to finish the sentence but she understood what I meant and finished it for me with a calculating and knowing smile.

"Love him?" I nodded. "Halon the thing you have to understand about love is that it has no limits. When Melkor was set free and I started to feel comfortable with him I remembered that day when we first met. What I saw there wasn't ill-intent or any kind of evil. I can't describe it really and I didn't believe it in that moment but whatever I saw was the good inside a man who was dark. When someone loves you they don't just see your physical appearance, they see you completely in personality as well and they take you as you are. Even if you have problems they go with it and try to help you and won't take no for an answer." Arien smiled coyly at me, "Now… What's this really about? I don't think you would have come up here just to listen to the story of my love life."

My mouth twitched into half a smile, "You always were perceptive… No, that's not why I came here. I just needed to know from someone who had experienced it, if it was possible for anyone to love someone who was dark." In truth I felt like a weight was lifting from my shoulders and my spirits were starting to soar because maybe it was possible after all and maybe my pleas and prayers were finally being answered. My view on the matter would take a very drastic turn not long from then and when it did I gave up on the possibilities and concept of being accepted for a very long time.

"Are you thinking about doing what I did?" Arien asked in a soft voice. She missed nothing really and in that moment something happened to me for the very first time. I couldn't explain why. Maybe it was because I was feeling in a good mood for a change, maybe it was because I was telling this to a woman, who knew? In any case my face heated up and I was sure I had turned scarlet; Arien's laughter just confirmed it. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about! I can understand why trust me." And I did trust her. Within the ten or so minutes we'd been talking I had grown to trust Arien enough to the point of calling her a real friend.

"So uh… Want to tell me more about your family?" I asked with a grin.

Arien snorted and rolled her eyes at my change of subject but she seemed in a very good mood. "Alright but I just want to say… It's nice to see you happy for a change." She said sincerely. "Of the few times I've seen you I don't think I've ever seen you smile or show much positive emotion. I'm glad I could help make you feel at least somewhat better." I couldn't help it, I felt another smile pull at my lips. She inhaled deeply and started to talk again, "Okay my daughter was born on the day the Trees waxed at the same time, so that's pretty cool. She had this fixation when she was a kid for learning how to fight and dear Iluvatar is she good now… She's been taught by all of us; myself, Melkor, and her brother."

"Is that safe?" I asked half-jokingly.

Arien grinned, "Probably not, who knows? She's going to be amazing someday… I just have this feeling that she's going to do great things you know? I guess that's what every parent thinks about their children but I just want her to live well and be the best she can. I don't want her to lose sight of what's truly important though." She said seriously before her smile came back again. "You'd like her, she's kind of like you actually. She tends to be quiet and keeps to herself a lot. I've gotten used to it by now but I have to admit it was kind of weird because one day she was a hyperactive kid and the next she was as serious as the oldest of elves or something."

I frowned at this because that _was_ weird. Even I hadn't changed that suddenly when I had first come to the earth, it was gradual. So it was with concern (which surprised me since I had never met the girl) that I asked, "Did something happen?" Arien shrugged and shook her head at the same time saying she had no idea what made her daughter change so abruptly. "Odd…" I had met Cluna and from what I saw he was greatly like Arien which made me wonder if Estel wasn't like Melkor and she had just changed one day as he had. Arien gave another shrug and out of nowhere she rolled onto her back and stretched out her legs, folding her arms beneath her head. "Are you okay?" I noticed a frown forming on her usually bright face.

"Yeah I guess…" She responded evasively. Then she launched into speech in a way that made me think she had been holding this in for a while and desperately needed to get it out. "This conversation has been making me think a lot about the past and… There's been a change and I'm not sure it's for the better. I don't know what it is and I _really_ don't know why I'm telling you this but I've just noticed that as of late Melkor's been acting a bit distant and it worries me. First the visits from Manwe, then the constant muttering, and I've been seeing things that vanish when I try to get a closer look. They're… They're shadows. There aren't supposed to be any shadows in Valinor because of the Trees."

My throat constricted and not in a good way as I contemplated what that could mean. Arien was still speaking, "I just feel almost like it's all slipping away… Like a wonderful dream you don't want to end but the morning calls you to wake. I want things to stay the way they are so bad but I can see them turning to something different before the shifting years. I need everything to be okay like it was before but I'm not sure things _are_ okay anymore and I've tried to talk to Melkor about it but he won't listen like he once did. I would really like to know what's going on but I don't want to intrude and I know he'll tell me when and if he's ready. But he's come so far and I can't lose him…"

"Arien stop…" I said in a quiet but commanding tone and she bit her lip, avoiding eye contact. I didn't like hearing her talk like this and I felt like I needed to comfort her in some way even though I was awful at helping people. "You are one of the strongest people I've ever met and I'm not talking about physical strength. You've gone through a lot in life from what I understand and you continue to fight to keep it all together. If anyone can maintain something they've built over the years it's you. You're not going to lose anyone alright? You're not going to lose anyone because you refuse to let that happen any time it might."

She slowly looked at me and saw my serious expression, sighing and sitting up again with a small nod. "Yeah… Yeah, thank you Halon. I'm not going to let it fall apart if I can help it." She muttered more to reassure herself than to answer me. Then she looked at me with her regular smile back in place, "Well, I'd better get back to work before Yavanna comes here to get rid of me for slacking off." The two of us got to our feet and she shook my hand, "Thank you Halon, it's been most entertaining. I hope you find what you're looking for."

"You too Arien." That was the last time I ever saw the spirit of fire, Arien, who would later become the Lady of the Sun. It was not, however, the last encounter I would have with Melkor's family. Not by a long shot. The journey back down Ezellohar seemed to take much longer than the one going up had and by the time I reached the bottom and started on my way back home, Telperion had begun to shine.

When I reached the house the night was nearing the eighth hour and I thought that everyone would be asleep and everyone was; save one that is. I walked in the door and took four steps before halting because when I looked up I saw Hethien half sitting half laying on the stairs as though she was waiting for something or someone and had fallen asleep. She stirred and sat up, her small hands curling into fists to rub her tired eyes until she peered around and her gaze landed on me. A bright smile formed on her face and she got up, running to me as fast as she could and gave me a big hug. "Wh- Hethien what are you still doing up?"

She took a step back and her smile had vanished as she clasped her hands in front of her and looked at the floor. "I had a nightmare…" She mumbled shyly. Hethien hadn't had a nightmare for a very long time but as far as I knew she always had the same one and every time she would come to me when she woke, no matter what time. I said nothing for a few seconds thinking that I should just put her to bed and nothing more because no one wanted me near her but then the stronger part of my mind jumped in and said _'screw them'_ as I bent down and lifted Hethien into my arms, carrying her into the empty sitting room.

The only source of light came from Telperion but I knew Hethien always liked to have some other form to keep away the nonexistent darkness when night fell. I set her down on one of the couches and went to crouch in front of the fireplace, giving my hands both a small flick so flames suddenly erupted to life and roared in the grate. I pulled off my sheath and sword, setting them on a table as I rejoined her and sat beside her before gently pulling her to sit on my lap. "The same one?" I asked quietly. She clung to my shirt, balling the material under her tiny fingers as she nodded against my chest.

"Will you tell me a story Uncle Halon?" She whispered. It was the same every time, she always asked for a story to help her get to sleep and it worked so I always told one. I wrapped my arms more securely around her petite body and raised one of my hands to stroke her soft hair absently as I thought about what story I would tell her tonight. I didn't have to think though as she had a request, which she sometimes did so I wouldn't complain. "The story of the lamps…" I smiled when she said this because Hethien had a fondness for that story in particular and could probably have recited it perfectly to me but she loved it so much she never grew tired of it.

"Of course." I answered and began, "The Years of the Lamps began not long after the Valar had created Arda with their music. They had descended to the empty world and saw that there must be light to vanquish the darkness that had befallen parts of it. So they created the lamps; Illuin and Ormal. The light touched every part of the world because of its perfect symmetry until Melkor came. He hated the light so he destroyed the lamps and sent the world into darkness. The destruction of the lamps caused the earth to be fractured and continents formed into how we know the world today. And then… Valinor was created."

For a moment I thought Hethien had fallen asleep already she was so quiet but then she spoke in a small voice, "And then they started the Years of the Trees…" I nodded against the top of her head and after a pause she spoke again. "Uncle Halon… Did they make the Trees to look like the Lamps?" I hadn't really thought about that but it would make sense as to why there were two and where the idea had originated from.

"I suppose they did."

There was another moment of silence but for the crackling of the fire across the room. Then Hethien asked a question that nearly made my heart stop and I tried my best to keep the worry out of my voice when I answered her. "Do you think the same thing might happen to the Trees?" She murmured sleepily. She was too young, she couldn't possibly understand the meaning behind that question and yet it made my mind whirl into a sort of panic I had to hide from her. She wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning that much I was sure of, she was too young for that too. Even as I struggled to find a way to answer her breathing became more even and deep, her grip relaxed, and her head sank against my chest as she fell asleep.

"For the sake of the world, let's hope not." I whispered. I simply sat there holding Hethien for the next hour lost in my thoughts and cradling her as though that would be enough to protect her from whatever the future may hold. I shifted my hold on her and got up, muttering a spell so the fire went out and somehow managing to pick up my sword while carrying her. I brought her to her room and found a way to balance Milad between my knees so I could tuck Hethien under the covers of her bed. As I was picking up my scabbard again she woke once more and looked up at me with a sleepy smile.

I placed a hand on the side of her head and bent closer, "Just remember, anything that happens when we are asleep is a dream. They can't hurt you and if you ever get scared just come find me." She nodded a few times and I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Try to get some sleep alright Hethien?" I removed my hand and straightened up, headed for the door until she very quietly spoke my name and I looked back at her. "Yes?" Her big eyes sparkled in the soft light and her innocent smile could have made even the sternest of people melt. What she said paralyzed me on the spot but it wasn't in a bad way as I looked at her sadly for a moment before offering a wistful smile.

"I love you."

When I made it to my own room I set down my sword and ran a hand through my hair anxiously. What if Hethien was right? She had unknowingly given me insight to what I'd been trying to figure out for years. Sometimes all it took was another mind, who knew it would be a child? In his hate for the light Melkor had destroyed the Lamps… Laurelin and Telperion were, in their own way, replicas of Illuin and Ormal. Was _that_ what Melkor was planning to do? Wait until the right moment before taking down the second attempt to forever get rid of the darkness?

I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time. I didn't sleep at all. There were too many thoughts swirling through my head and fighting to be heard above the rest. I had no proof of anything just a theory of a seven year old girl and many suspicions. By the time the first hour had come around I had made myself more nervous than was reasonable based on how many assumptions and I had and how little fact there was. Yet even with this I still couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Hethien was right.

Maybe Melkor intended to destroy the Two Trees.


	6. Chapter Four: The First Act of Darkness

Chapter Four: The First Act of Darkness

Fifty years was really nothing in the life of someone like me, an immortal being. Therefore it was with little interest that I noted the time gap from when Hethien had accidentally sparked doubt in my mind. A lot had changed in those fifty years though, with me at least. It was around that time that I gave up entirely on being like everyone else and finding some normal life and instead just embraced who I was. I didn't necessarily like it at first but after a while I found that I took pleasure in entertaining thoughts most people wouldn't dream of in their worst nightmares. I started imagining various ways you could hurt people both physically and emotionally, thinking how I would possibly kill each person in different forms.

There were many times I contemplated setting fire to a lot of things and I had to catch myself before anything could spontaneously combust just from my thoughts. I had gotten to the point where I was generally so angry with everyone all the time that if I got too close to rage I would lost control of my magic and do things I would regret later; which included setting things ablaze. Hethien always helped calm me down. As an adult our relationship had changed and she looked after me now more than I did her. Basically she made sure I didn't blow anything up at the same time she made sure I did things required to function like eat actual food and sleep for more than an hour. In my life I would never know why she was so good to me, she just grew up to be one of the gentlest souls I ever knew.

Then again there were times when Hethien wasn't there or she just couldn't sooth my mood and the result usually wasn't good. I did try to contain myself, really, but it became harder and harder to do with each passing day I had to spend stuck in Valinor. While everyone thought it was paradise and never wanted to leave I thought it was a prison and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. My freedom of that place would come to me eventually. But it wasn't on the path I would have liked nor the way I expected it to go at all.

That morning I was late from my normal early rise and the light of Laurelin had nearly waxed to its fullest point by the time I dragged myself from bed and got up. The reason for my sluggish actions was that the previous night had been extremely rough… All I'd been meaning to do was blast apart a boulder in my way and I'd gotten a hell of a lot more than I bargained for when I didn't realize how much the mountain was relying on that one boulder staying put. As soon as it was gone the whole side of the cliff started collapsing with me under it and it had taken me quite a few hours to get out without causing further damage.

My muscles were tight and sore, pinching at the smallest movements and making me wince a couple times. I'd managed to get rid of any and all cuts, gashes, bruises, etc. etc. but that was the farthest my healing skills went. I couldn't do anything for stiff joints and muscles. My dead eyes stared back at me from my mirror as though they were silently telling me I was an idiot and deserved what I got so I rolled them in response before splashing my face with freezing water to wake up more. Once I was done I headed downstairs to find the house was, for the most part, mercifully empty save for the few last minute stragglers who either had nothing to do or it wasn't important enough to hurry.

A few of them noticed me and simply looked away when they did while others pursed their lips in distaste. Over the years people had started reacting less to me and I found it to be a major improvement in my life. I looked down as I crossed the hall, tightening my sword belt and nearly running into Hethien when I looked up. "Oh sorry," I apologized quickly. "Good morning." She looked startled at first but smiled when she saw who it was.

"Good morning Halon!" She answered brightly. "You certainly slept in didn't you?" I allowed the ghost of a smile to cross my lips but that was it. "Are you going somewhere already?" I nodded and she looked at me suspiciously, "Have you eaten anything this morning?" I hesitated because I just couldn't lie to her… She saw and shook her head, smile returning as she grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the kitchens. There were a few elves scattered about inside this room as well but they paid no attention to us.

The kitchen was honestly huge. It was a very open and airy space with a glass ceiling so light spilled in at every angle and every moment of the day. Hethien pushed me into a chair at one of the many tables and I waited in an uncomfortable silence as she glided around the space creating some sort of meal. I ran a hand through my hair out of nervous habit, ruffling it and probably making it look like I just rolled out of bed even more. Hethien returned to me a few moments later with a plate in hand and set it down in front of me, sitting across from me.

I stared at the bacon and eggs in silence, unmoving. She gave a short laugh, "Halon it's not going to kill you… What will kill you is if you _don't_ eat it." I gave her a look and she grinned, "Okay so maybe I'll kill you too. Just eat it please? For me?" I heaved a sigh and feeling as though I was preparing to do something highly dangerous. Then I very slowly and tediously forced myself to consume the food. Hethien stayed put to make sure not a single bite went unfinished but at least she was happy once I finished. "Good. Was that so hard?"

"Torturous." I answered in a dull voice. "Can I go now?" My how the positions had reversed where I was the one asking permission to do something. Hethien smiled in a coy way and I knew the answer was no, she wasn't done quite yet. I gave another sigh and raised my eyebrows, "I'm thousands of years older than you, you know. I can do as I please." I started to get up but her eyes locked on mine and I froze in place because she was giving me the biggest pleading stare ever. My jaw clenched and my fingers nervously rubbed together before I quickly sat back down even though I was impatient to leave.

She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands while studying me thoughtfully, "We never really do anything together anymore," She commented wistfully. "I think we should spend the day together." She must have seen a look of panic or worry forming in my eyes because she hurried on, "Just one day! One day, that's all I promise. It's just… It's been forever since we've really talked or had a good time and honestly I kind of miss it. I miss you, really." I frowned at her but remained silent.

She missed me? She saw me practically every day. We lived in the same house. How could she miss me? Then I realized that maybe she was referring to me in a past tense way how she missed the "old" me from when she was a child. "You miss me?" I asked in a blank voice and she nodded. I frowned even further and folded my arms over my chest, "Why? I mean seriously, what is there to miss? I was just a nobody, well I still am really… Let's face it, pretty much no one has liked me since the beginning of time." A couple of elves glanced at me upon hearing this though really it wasn't any of their business to be eavesdropping on. "So why would you miss me in any form?"

She smiled sadly, "Because I'm not everyone else. Ever since I was just a little girl I've been getting to see a side of you no one knows Halon… I get to see the side of you that cares and knows feeling. Most people just see you as a hollow and emotionless being but I'm lucky enough to know otherwise. What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to let people's words shape who you are. You can choose to be someone else, I know you can. Don't think I haven't noticed you getting quieter and more far away over the years and don't think I don't know why."

I shifted slightly and ran a hand over my mouth absently before lowering it to gaze at her curiously. "Why are you so kind to me?" She said nothing. She simply smiled secretively and got to her feet, taking the plate with her. I took that as my sign that I could go now even though she hadn't answered my question. So I stood and left the kitchens still pondering a possible answer to my inquiry. No one else stopped me so I was able to finally leave the house and head on my way to the place I had started going nearly every day for silence and being alone. It was a little hill on the very edge of Valmar that apparently no one but me knew about for now.

Every time I got there I managed to cast a powerful spell that threw the hill into shadows so dark even the light of the Trees couldn't penetrate it. Which meant almost every day since I started people probably wondered and maybe even worried what was going on to make the hill so dark. If it kept them from coming near me and hid me from sight though I was perfectly alright with creating the out of place shadows. There were a few times in the beginning when Manwe himself came to investigate but he left me alone eventually especially when I started to get annoyed and basically told him to piss off which I don't think he was expecting.

So I reached my hill and climbed to the top as I did almost every day; casting my spell once I reached my destination. I lay down on the grass with my legs crossed and one arm behind my head while the other was across my stomach. I stared up at the distant sky and thought about the Timeless Halls again as I often did. It was my original home after all. The place Iluvatar lived and where we had all been created before descending to this world. I wondered if it had changed at all over the years, probably not though. They weren't called the Timeless Halls for nothing. I closed my eyes, shutting out the view and trying to clear my mind.

For a moment I thought I had fallen asleep as I heard someone softly singing but as the sound grew clearer I frowned and my eyes flew open. Someone was actually singing and they were getting closer with each word. I leapt to my feet and unsheathed my sword in a heartbeat while half running half sliding down the back of the hill so I was hiding behind the crest. The person was definitely female and moments later they made an appearance as they walked straight through the shadows as though they weren't there at all; much to my impressment and shock.

She didn't show a single sign of hesitation or being scared as she stood where I had been seconds beforehand, gazing in wonder at the swirling shadows around her. She stretched out a pale hand and tried to touch one but it drifted back, seeming to melt at her touch. Her golden hair flowed freely around her shoulders and her blue eyes shone with curiosity, reflecting the darkness around us. I watched her in silence as she continued to examine the smoke-like figures drifting about her with the same serene interest on her face. She was like no one I had ever seen in Valinor before; she had no fear of the darkness. Who was she?

There was something almost familiar about her in a sense both dark and light but I couldn't place what it was. All I could do was remain low and keep my distance so as not to startle her. Her silvery dress was gently flitting around her where she stood by some invisible breeze the shadows caused but she apparently took no notice with the center of her focus still being those shadows. I watched her attempt to touch the darkness again in several ways but nothing worked. I myself had never tried to touch them and I found myself copying her movements but the same result fared for me.

The girl suddenly drew her hand back as though she had been burned and her head turned in the direction she'd come. Her body was poised and tense, ready for flight it seemed or to simply go running like a scared deer. I shifted to see what she was staring at but could see nothing anywhere near us which caused a frown to form on my lips. I made a decision then and started to rise and announce myself when she suddenly took off, sprinting back down the hill and vanishing from sight for a moment before she reappeared as a much smaller figure in the empty field before the hill. I felt a tad disappointed with her exit and many unanswered questions were bouncing around in my head as I saw her go.

I didn't know who she was or where she had come from. She was a mystery to me that was prying at my mind like nothing else had before. I found myself thinking about her constantly no matter how much I tried to block her out and I was rapidly becoming desperate to find the answers. I went back to the hill more frequently after that day but gave up when she didn't make a reappearance even after a week. Had she been a figment of my imagination? A very vivid one if so. Secretly I didn't want her to be imaginary. She had been so… Calm. That was the only way to describe her I realized thoughtfully.

I couldn't possibly know that in the moment I had first seen that girl, I had become linked to her in ways one could only imagine in their wildest dreams. I would meet her again many times in my life and in ways similar to the first with her not knowing I was there. In all honesty I forgot about her when a couple thousand years went by but even though I didn't remember her when I saw her again I still felt the same connection every time we had an encounter. No matter how brief or subtle. She was wiped from my mind after a couple weeks in fact, when certain events happened but she never fully disappeared for centuries.

One day was all it took for a life to change. On that day, thousands of years after my encounter with the anonymous girl, my resolve started to crack again. Well okay no… It shattered. I just… We all have bad days right? Maybe even _severely_ bad days? For some reason the previous night I had been extremely tired so I didn't leave the house at my normal ungodly hours of the morning. Normally when this happened it had become a habit for Mairon to come find me and wake me up so I wouldn't have to see everyone but lately he had been spending all his time at the forge of the city as he'd been taken on as an apprentice for Aule so he was the one who left extra early and didn't get back until very late now.

I was therefore surprised when a gentle hand touched my shoulder and woke me. I blinked and focused on the person, trying to register who it was; which I did after a moment. My eyes widened in shock, "Hethien!" I tried to get up but it failed miserably as I got tangled in the sheets and accomplished nothing but falling to the floor at her feet. "Wha- What the _hell_ are you doing in here?!" I exclaimed once I'd managed to free myself and stagger to my feet. Her eyebrows were raised and she looked as startled as I felt. Clearly neither of us had been planning on this…

"I came in here to wake you up because I know you like to get out of here early and… Well you hadn't come out yet so I figured I would check on you since Mairon isn't here to do it." Hethien answered calmly and almost nervously as though she was afraid she'd disturbed me, which she _did_ but… Sometimes that face of complete innocence was just too hard to ignore and I could never be mad at her; not once. After a pause she gestured lamely to the bed, "If you want to go back to sleep you can. I just didn't know if you were still in here on purpose or not."

I ran a hand through my hair, probably only making it even messier than it was. My hair was always messy and ruffled, there was nothing I could do about that except tame it maybe a tiny bit. "It's alright, I'm up so I may as well stay up." She looked relieved that she hadn't done something wrong and I started to reach out to her, hesitated, and drew my hand back while managing to pass it off as scratching the back of my neck. "Trust me, I'm glad you came to get me. Otherwise I'd be stuck in here all day."

"It's not so bad you know…" Hethien said slowly and I gave her a skeptical expression while striding across the room to the washbowl. "No really! Hardly anyone is even still in the house at this hour, they've all gone out." I waved my hand absently over the bowl so cold water appeared in the basin and I splashed the water across my face as Hethien continued talking. "Halon you really ought to come out and communicate more. Part of the reason people think you're odd is because we never see you and when we do you don't talk to us."

For some reason it never bothered me when Hethien was the one trying to convince me to be more social and friendly. I guess I was just too attached to her to really take her words the hard way. She also had a way of putting things that made it seem so simple, so easy, to just walk downstairs and turn everything around. Hethien wasn't afraid of me, she never was even when everything changed. That was why she was able to talk to me about these things and she never made me feel like an outsider or some freak who didn't belong. Had it have been anyone else, I would have told them to piss off.

I stared in the looking glass with beads of water rolling down my skin to see her watching me anxiously. I dried off my face and heaved a sigh, turning while giving my fingers a small snap so the bed automatically made itself. Hethien looked slightly startled at first as the sheets sprang to life and moved of their own accord but then she realized I'd done it. I took a couple steps closer to her, speaking slowly and carefully. "Hethien… I appreciate what you're trying to do and I appreciate everything you've already done for me. But things have been this way… Forever… It's not about to change."

"But it _can_ ," She protested. "Everything is capable of changing. We just have to be the ones willing to start it." I tilted my head slightly at her and wondered how it was she could remain so positive at all times; even the darkest of them. I was about to argue against her further but she took a few steps closer and grabbed one of my hands while placing her other on my cheek in a reassuring sort of gesture. "All it takes is one person to believe otherwise, to stand out against the crowd, and the change can be accomplished." My eyes flickered away from hers but couldn't stay away too long as she smiled softly at me, "Promise me you'll never lose sight of that, alright Halon?"

She was being completely serious and I swallowed nervously, licking my lips a tad as well before giving in. "Alright… Alright fine, I promise." With the last two words I mentally cringed because if there was one thing I _really_ hated, it was to make promises. I found that most times I never kept the promises I made and if I broke a promise to Hethien I didn't think I could live with myself anymore. Breaking promises with other people was just what happened but she wasn't _'other people'_ and I didn't want to disappoint her. She looked doubtful even then and I tried to give her a reassuring smile as I gently grabbed her arms, "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"That's what worries me," she answered, "You're always fine… Just fine." I felt my brow crease into a frown as I looked at her studying me with an almost sad expression in her eyes. Was she really that worried? I thought about it for a moment or two and reflected that that had been a stupid question to ask myself as I already knew the answer. Of course she was _that_ worried… She was the one person who actually cared and if I had to be entirely honest she cared _too_ much. I thought about my streak of misfortune and figured it would be just my luck to end out screwing everything up which would result in hurting Hethien. Maybe not physically but still…

Again I tried to give her a smile but I don't know if it worked. "Really, I'll be alright." She allowed a small smile back but that was it before the two of us left the room by some silent communication. There was (luckily) no one around when we got downstairs because it was only then that I realized I hadn't gotten dressed and still looked like I had just rolled (or fallen) out of bed. Hethien apparently noticed this fact too and was suppressing giggles with difficulty while I just rolled my eyes and moved my hand downwards in a fast flick so my apparel was suddenly different. My hair was another story but honestly I could care less about it.

"Alright." I turned and bent down to kiss her cheek, "See you later." She smiled and nodded with a small wave as I crossed the hall and walked through the door. When the heavy barrier closed behind me I inhaled deeply and let it out as a sigh while thinking about what I'd do that day. I ended up not deciding anything and just going where my feet led me. Yes, the usual routine but the destination was very different. I found myself walking through another doorway before I really snapped back to the present and registered where it was I had stopped. A tavern in Valmar.

A few people looked around at my entrance but no one really stared or reacted even which was strange but very nice of a change. That didn't last very long as someone called out from the back of the tavern when I took a few steps in, "You aren't welcome here!" It was as if their words held some magic that froze me in place and after a moment I felt my eyebrows flick up and heard a _'here goes nothing'_ run through my head as I took another step. This time I was stopped as an elf stepped in front of me.

I looked up and er… He was quite a bit bigger than me both height wise and in width. Surprising for an elf considering most of them were like twigs yet here he was. His brow was raised and a stiff frown rested on his lips as he looked down at me with clear distaste. "You heard him." He said quietly, "We don't want any trouble here so I highly suggest you leave now before this gets any worse." Excuse you, what did I do? I walked in the door, that's it.

Instead of saying that I simply gave a small apologetic smile, "Right… Well it seems we are at an impasse. See, I believe everyone is allowed to go where they wish and to act as they please. If that holds true then why should I not be able to visit this humble tavern like you, good sir, when I feel I need a break from the struggles of life?" He didn't seem impressed at all by that… Well I'm sorry for being logical and right? I felt a faint disappointment but hadn't really been expecting much anyway. "I suppose not… Then if you'll excuse me, I'll just go over here where I'm out of your way and you can't see me!"

I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of leaving so I made my way to the very back of the tavern and faded into the farthest corner. For a few minutes some of the elves around me shot glares my way while a few others (there was a group of Maiar not far from me) cracked their knuckles menacingly accompanied by dark looks. A young barmaid nervously and cautiously approached my table after I'd been sitting there about an hour or so. It seemed she was the only one anyone could convince to get close enough to ask what I wanted. "Can… Can I help you?"

I looked up and attempted a friendly smile to which she seemed to relax a little more. "Just some water for me if you will." She gave a short nod and an apprehensive smile, hurrying off and returning a moment later. When she set down the glass I gave another rare smile, "Thank you." Then she was gone again. I didn't touch the drink for quite a while and in fact, Laurelin had well faded when I finally did. I drank the clear water and felt the coolness soothing and opening up my dry throat. When I looked up again I sincerely wished I hadn't because it was that moment which led to what I did for the remainder of the night.

Urandir had entered the tavern at some point without my notice and he was watching me with a careful eye. That alone was enough to make my skin crawl and set me right on the edge. We locked eyes for what felt like eternity until I suddenly stood up as though I had been electrocuted. Some of the people who had been in the tavern longest jumped and looked around having forgotten I was even there. I cleared my throat awkwardly and crossed the room as fast as possible, stopping at the bar only to hand over a few gold coins and leaving abruptly.

I was hurrying up the path and glanced behind me once to see Urandir was now following me… I faced front again and sped up for some reason. I could put him in his place as easily as pointing at something yet for some reason a strange sensation had taken over me. I felt uneasy and had a creeping suspicion something was going to go terribly wrong. So in order to prevent a bad situation I stopped walking and imagined my being elsewhere, teleporting myself. I was back at the house in seconds, feeling relief starting to settle in until I stepped inside and almost ran into Urandir…

I took a step back and closed my eyes as if that would make him disappear. "Don't do that…" I muttered once I'd reopened my eyes. There was a pause and I looked down, "Excuse me…" I tried to walk by him but he put out a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. "I'm honestly not in the mood to argue with you tonight Urandir." I said wearily. "I just want to go upstairs to my room and I'll be staying in there all night as usual."

"Why are you still here?" I opened my mouth to answer the question and then stopped with a frown. Hadn't he just put out a hand to stop me from going anywhere? Clearly he wanted to say something or else to get a message across. Therefore it just didn't make any sense to me for him to be asking why I was still here when he was the exact reason I was still standing there and hadn't gone up to my room yet.

"Because you stopped me."

"I mean," He cut in, sounding annoyed. "Why are you still in Valinor?" Now we were getting somewhere. Apparently it hadn't just been me wondering that very question anymore. I could have left for Beleriand more times than I wished to recall and yet something had kept me in the Undying Lands all these years. It amazed me how I had never bothered to really think about that before until Urandir, _Urandir_ of all people, brought it up. There was literally nothing I liked about Valinor so what the _hell_ was preventing me from getting on the next ship to Beleriand? Oh wait… There wasn't one, that's why.

Even as all these thoughts and arguments bounced around my head I could only shrug at him and give the most false answer possible. "I dunno, maybe because it's my home. I belong here." I cringed, literally cringed. I didn't need Urandir's sickening smirk to know the truth for myself. I'd been telling myself the truth since day one and as much as I didn't like it, I just had to suck it up and deal. Now however, as the hour drew later, that truth was going to become my undoing. It all started as soon as I shook my head and stepped around Urandir, making my way towards the stairs. That was the moment I began my journey down the darkest of paths.

"Your _home_?" Urandir called. I tried to keep walking but it was becoming harder and harder to do until my feet stopped moving entirely. I was glued to that spot, staring straight ahead but not really seeing as all that existed was the voice of my enemy. "Don't lie to yourself. You hate this place and it was never a home to you. I'm not blind, I can see that much. As for belonging… Well Halon I don't know if you're ever going to find that happy place; unfortunate as that may seem. You _certainly_ don't fit in or belong here. You never have and you never will. You are the darkness the Vala sought to vanquish and there is _no_ place for you in the light. You're just an unfortunate mis-"

" _Stop_!" I yelled. I spun around to see him frowning and massaging his jaw as though he'd been slapped (I had unintentionally used magic). "Don't utter another _word_!" I was slowly making my way back towards him across the hall, glaring darkly and shaking with contained rage. "You know what the _real_ problem with this place is Urandir? It's that people like you, people who are cruel and manipulative, are allowed to roam free and do as you please. You oppose the darkness and yet you yourself are no better than Melkor was in his destroying days."

Urandir looked ready to protest as his face contorted with anger and indignity but I wouldn't lift the spell to allow him a voice. "It's the people like _you_ who truly don't belong here. Valinor was created as a place of peace where everyone would be treated as equals. Unlike you I was there. I watched the Valar create this land and I heard them say with their own words, what this realm was meant to be in the days before Melkor changed it. I have just as much of a right to be here as any of you if not more. So shut. Your. Mouth." I accented each word to emphasize my point and by the time I'd finished speaking I was right in front of the elf.

He was beginning to choke and turn purple in the face so I raised my eyebrows in mock concern, "Oh I'm sorry, do you have something you'd like to say? Then please, spit it out." I lifted the spell and he gasped in air, massaging his throat and bending over slightly. When he slowly raised himself back up it was to _literally_ spit in my face. I let a half amused smile flicker onto my face even though I felt no humor at all and my eyes remained cold. "Okay Urandir. I think it's time you and I have a long avoided _talk_."

I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him with such force he almost fell over and was having difficulty staying up the whole time. I dragged him across the hall but I wasn't taking him to the sitting room, the kitchens, or anywhere upstairs. I was headed for the door leading to the basement because I knew Mairon wasn't home and that he wouldn't be for quite a long while. The forge would work to my advantage quite nicely. I wrenched open the door and threw Urandir from me without warning.

He didn't have a chance to catch or brace himself as he lost his footing and went crashing down the stairs with much banging and yelps of pain. I stepped in after him and secured the door, locking it and placing a sealing charm upon it as an extra precaution. I was the only one who could open the door again from inside or out that night because of the type of charm I cast. Most people would just do a typical seal and call it at that but I began to reveal my darker side as I drew a knife to cut open my palm and use blood magic instead. A much stronger and lasting form of magic but also more dangerous and definitely not something the Valar would ever use.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs it was to find Urandir slowly pushing himself to his knees but once he saw me he started to scramble away even though he had nowhere to run. I caught up without effort and hauled him along by the collar again, leading him into the glowing haze that was Mairon's forge. Steam swirled around us and even though we had only been in there a minute or so I could feel sweat beginning to form along my brow. Urandir was gasping for air and didn't even try to get away again when I dropped him and headed away.

It was as if something else were in control of my very being. I wasn't thinking straight and all I could feel was a building hatred and anger that turned to fire inside me. The shackles of my self-restraint had fallen away and only one thought was in my mind as I grabbed a handful of chains off a nearby table; to hurt. I returned to the helpless elf and forcefully grabbed his arms, chaining his wrists together painfully tight and using the long end as a leash to drag him across the floor after me. Over his cries of pain I spoke as casually as though I were discussing the weather, "You know Urandir… You've caused me a lot of pain and misery over the years. I do believe it's long past time I return the favor."

I came to a halt before one of the ovens that was closed and not in use but still a touch hot. I pulled him up so he was sitting with his back against it and wrenched his arms above his head to wrap the chain around the door handle so he was no longer able to move. When I had finished I knelt down and grabbed his chin, pulling his head around so he was facing me. His eyes were wide and full of fear, his chest heaved with each breath he took and it wouldn't surprise me if he had broken some ribs from his fall down the stairs.

"My agony may not have shown much but if you knew how it felt inside… Well maybe you would have left me alone more often." I began, "Would you like to know what it feels like?" He shook his head frantically but I kept talking, "It felt a bit like getting cut over and over and then getting salt poured into the gashes. Oh wait… You have no idea what that feels like. Here, let me demonstrate." I drew my knife and slashed it across his face without hesitation. It wasn't a deep cut but he still gave a yelp of pain and his eyes started to glaze over with forming tears.

"As you can see, I don't have any salt here. But that doesn't make it any less easy to hurt you where you're already suffering." I drew back my arm and brought the hilt of my dagger smashing into his ribs so they cracked audibly and a partial scream tore from his throat as his eyes squeezed shut. His knees had bent so his legs were almost drawn up to his chest and while he was occupied I stood and slowly examined the forge, searching for the right tool. There was a half-finished sword laying on the anvil and I picked it up almost curiously as I studied it.

With my eyes fixed upon the fine blade I made my way towards one of the lit ovens and thrust the metal into the flames until it turned orange; glowing and hot. The heat raced up the blade to where I held it but I wouldn't let go even as it began to burn my skin. When I deemed it hot enough I returned to Urandir who was now panting from the heat and his struggles to breathe. I allowed the sword to hover inches from his face so his skin reflected the light and sweat began to pour from his brow. "This is for every time you ever looked down on me."

I lowered the blade a couple inches and suddenly pressed the tip into the skin of his neck. Instantly he started to shriek and twitch as steam rose from the spot accompanied by a squelching noise and the smell of burning flesh. I clenched my teeth and pressed the metal harder into his skin so his screams intensified by a tenfold. "STOP!" He screamed, pleading. "PLEASE! Oh dear lord Iluvatar STOP!" And I did. I pulled the sword away and tossed it from me, absently looking down at my palm which was tainted with black, touched by reds and browns. The skin was shriveled in some spots while it had melted away entirely in others.

I stared at it for a few moments and realized it wasn't bothering me in the slightest. I didn't even feel it. Nonetheless, I waved my other hand over the burn and it vanished within seconds. I raised my eyes to Urandir and crouched beside him again so I could study his wound. The skin was red and inflamed with patches of black and white. Parts of it were sliding slowly away from where it belonged and a yellow liquid was oozing from the deepest section. Blood rolled from cuts the blade had created and mingled with the burns but even that sight did nothing to my emotions. I was already so far gone that I no longer knew remorse.

"How does it feel Urandir?" I asked in a low voice. His eyes were closed and tears slid from under the lids, making paths on his dirty face. "I don't think you understand quite yet…" His eyes flew open in alarm but shut again just as quickly when I started picking at his burned flesh with my knife. He whimpered and pleaded quietly in the tongue of his people but all prayers he made were lost and wouldn't be answered that night. "This is what we call applying salt to the wound." I explained in an almost cheery voice. "Painful isn't it? Although I have to say that mental wounds are so much worse than physical ones. Consider yourself lucky."

I pulled away my knife, cleaned it, and put it away again. "Honestly I have to thank you Urandir. You taught me more than anyone here that I don't belong here. Valinor isn't my home and it's never going to be. Unlike everyone else who lives here I've got a jet black heart and it sets me apart because like you said, I am the darkness invading the light. However, you're wrong in thinking that I'm a mistake. Iluvatar himself created me and he always has his reasons for things no matter how much we may not like it."

"Then… Wh-what was his r-reasoning for th-this?" Urandir wheezed.

I smiled, "Oh I dunno, maybe there wasn't a reason for this. Maybe, just maybe, this is me acting entirely on my own against him. Seriously, I've met him and I know for a fact that this is exactly what he didn't want in his perfect world. I'm not going to be the only one in history who does something like this though, that I can promise. Let's just say that much became relevant with the creation and marring of the music. I'm certainly not the first to come up with torture either. The second though! I call that an accomplishment."

There was no humor in my tone, only a touch of bitterness and resentment. Now that I had calmed down quite a bit I was beginning to feel a _lot_ of self-loathing for what I'd done and that I allowed myself to get to this point. After a moment of silence on my part I clapped my hands, making Urandir jump slightly and groan from the hurt he was feeling, "So! I think you've learned your lesson by now." I stood up and unchained him so his body slumped and fell to the floor. "Heal yourself and get up." He didn't move and I prodded him with my foot so he cried out, "I said heal yourself."

Very slowly he began to tediously fix himself and it took him nearly half an hour to do so completely. When he was done he clambered to his feet and gazed warily at me but I did nothing except talk to him. "Now Urandir… If you tell anyone, _anyone_ about what just happened you can trust that I will find you again and next time I won't be so merciful. In other words, keep your mouth shut or else you'll find yourself a dead elf. Do I make myself clear?" He nodded and I smiled again, "Good. Now go about your night as usual. You'll find the door is open."

He walked a few steps backwards away from me and when he was certain I was just going to stand there watching him go he turned and hurried out of the forge, not looking back. I returned everything to its proper place and made it look as if nothing had happened. Once I'd finished that task I closed my eyes and when they opened again I was standing in front of the window in my room. It was considerably colder than the forge had been but I didn't mind. I crossed to the mirror and water basin to see just what my actions had done to my being.

It might sound strange or melodramatic but when you commit an act as dark as I had, it changes you internally as well as externally. I was paler with dark shadows lining under my eyes and even my hair looked darker. My eyes were colder and somehow seemed dead. I was nothing more than a walking shell because inside I was no longer alive. Just a shadow of a person inside a body. Beads of sweat trickled down from my hairline and each one seemed to be mocking me and whispering to me that I was now an outlaw and a criminal by the laws of Valinor. Even if only two beings knew it.

I gazed at my reflection for a few more moments before rolling my eyes and giving my head a small shake, bending down to splash cold water across my skin. Thinking about it in that moment was when I realized in the end I was no different from Melkor after all. I had given in as I said I never would and look where it got me… If I was smart I would have been halfway to the shores by then, getting on the first ship to Middle Earth. Well of course, me being me, that's not what I did. I stayed right where I was and that turned out to be a very poor decision on my part.

You see, it was because I stayed that my offenses against the Valar kept mounting until I _had_ to flee. Along with several other beings, some of which I was surprised about. Although there were some credits that came with having tortured Urandir. I started going around where people were more often than I had ever before. Maybe that was because I wanted to be in a crowd in case he told someone and it would be harder to find me in a mass of bodies. Or maybe it was just because I didn't want to be alone anymore. When I was alone was when I could think but the thoughts that were coming to mind now were so dark I didn't _want_ to think anymore.

It just so happened that my trying to blend in with the crowds led, ultimately, to my downfall. Most times the Valar kept to themselves and stayed in their homes or at the court. It never crossed my mind that maybe sometimes they actually went out to do stuff and it also never crossed my mind that possibly one of them could be the one being I had spent my entire life avoiding. Yes, you guessed it. The result of my 'blending in' was that I ran into my nemesis for the first time in thousands of years. What were the odds? Yet somehow it happened. Yay for me and my unfortunate luck.

I met Melkor in the market.


	7. Chapter Five: Final Chance

Chapter Five: Final Chance

It was around midday when it happened. That morning was slow and a blur to me as I had a nagging sense that something was going to happen. Something I couldn't explain but I knew whatever it was I wouldn't like. Hethien must have sensed something was off (although it honestly wasn't just her) because when I left my room I did something I never had before of my own accord. I walked into the kitchen. I didn't really see anyone around me as I pulled a loaf of bread towards me and sliced off a piece before heading to an empty table.

Once I had sat down I spread butter across the fluffy white and tan food and ate it without having to force myself to do so. When I finished, I then became aware of my surroundings and that everyone present was staring at me in shocked silence. My eyes scanned over the group and I raised my eyebrows with a shrug, "Is it really that amazing how I eat?" The spell broke and they hurriedly went back to whatever they'd been doing before I entered the room.

I examined my fingers for a few moments until someone sat across from me, causing me to look up again. A pair of familiar grey eyes gazed carefully at me and I felt my lips tug into a rare smile. "Good morning Hethien." She smiled back and brushed a piece of her auburn hair behind her ear; the rest was held up in an elegant bun encircled by delicate braids. The light falling through the partial glass ceiling gently touched her face, highlighting the freckles across her nose which were rare for elves but I thought they made her look even more beautiful than any of her kind.

"Morning Uncle Halon," she answered in a cheery voice. "It's good to see you out and about." By that she really meant she was happy to see me daring to enter the kitchen and actually eat something for a change. True, it wasn't much but I rarely ate anyway. When I did it was always small parcels like the bread I had. "Got any plans for today?"

I gave a shrug, "Not really. The only thing I was going to do was head to the market to find a new string for my bow but that's it and even that's not very important." Her brow scrunched for a moment in confusion because there was nothing for me to be shooting in Valinor. That didn't stop me from practicing though… I would shoot the wall in my room quite often so it was scratched and my arrows were constantly breaking (I fixed those easily). Sometimes I would go outside and shoot trees instead but when Yavanna almost caught me? I stopped pretty fast…

I could have easily fixed the string of my bow too and probably would have been better off doing so but for some reason I just wanted to get another one. Probably because the one that originally came with it wasn't too great. This wasn't the first time it had snapped so needless to say I didn't trust it very much. Hence the reason I wanted to straight up buy a new one. I saw a mischievous gleam in Hethien's eyes and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Why do you ask?" She shook her head, trying and failing to conceal a grin. "Hethien I know that look better than you think."

"Okay, okay, fine." She said, waving her hand as she gave in. "I was hoping that maybe today we could spend some time together?" She must have seen the doubt in my eyes because she hurried on, "Please? I hardly get to see or talk to you anymore and I can't even remember the last time we really just hung out and had a nice time. I just…" She hesitated for a moment and then bit her lip, trying to compose herself. It backfired as she let out a huff and blurted out what she wanted to say, "I want to hear your stories again."

I ran a hand through my hair and along the back of my neck, letting out a long flow of air. "Hethien…" I looked back up at exactly the wrong moment. She was giving me the puppy eyes… "Oh for the love of… Really, you're going to pull this on me?" She didn't back down and I clenched my jaw tightly, trying to resist with all my might. It really figured that with all the willpower and actual power I had, an elf was able to make me surrender so easily. Luckily she was the only one who ever accomplished such a feat. "Alright, alright, fine."

She broke the expression and fist pumped the air while saying a quiet, "Yes!" Of triumph. She jumped up to her feet and I stared at her incredulously as my mouth came open in surprise while she grabbed my hand. "Come on! I know just the place!" I should have known she wanted to go right then and there. Another five minutes or so and I found myself standing on a flower covered hill with a view that stretched the entirety of Valinor and Hethien's hand still in mine. I had never been there before and I wondered how that was possible as I knew every inch of this place. The Two Trees glowed faintly straight ahead.

"Whoa…" I breathed and that was all I could say. Beside me Hethien was also looking out at the view and she was positively beaming. She let go of my hand to cross to the center of the hill, spreading her arms and spinning in a circle with her face upturned towards the sky. I felt myself smile again and I joined her, shaking my head slightly. I sat down and she too a moment later. "So what do you want to hear?" I inquired.

I turned my head to see her still grinning out at the view but she glanced at me and I knew the answer before she gave it. "I think you know what. Tell me about the Two Trees." I sighed and lay down with one hand behind my head and the other on my stomach; one knee bent up the other stretched away from me. I heard her shift into a more comfortable position beside me but she remained sitting upright as opposed to laying down.

"I've told you that one so many times already you may as well have been there yourself." I answered and she gave a small laugh. After another pause I inhaled deeply and began, "Alright, I suppose it couldn't hurt to say it again… It all began with the ending of the Age of Lamps…" With every word I spoke I drew further and further into my mind, seeing my memories clearer and clearer with each passing second until I was gone from the real world. I finished telling the story about an hour later because every time she asked me to tell it I found new ways to explain the sights. "And so the Age of the Trees began and we're still here."

"Hopefully for a long time." Hethien said quietly and her voice brought me sharply back to the present. Her words washed over me and I frowned, sitting up to look at her. She seemed troubled by something, not her usual reaction when I finished telling a story. Her focus was on a pile of flowers in her lap that she was fiddling with, tying here and there until she finished and I could see what she had made. It was just a circle of flowers; simple and delicate. Her bothered expression melted away as she smiled and held up the project, turning to me and holding it out.

I took it gingerly as if it was made of glass and might shatter at the lightest touch. I examined it for a while and then looked at her again, "It's lovely but… What am I supposed to do with it?" She crawled closer to me and gently took back the wreath, raising her arms above me and placing the object on my head. It was then that I realized what it really was; a crown of flowers. I felt my face heating up as she carefully fixed the crown to just how she wanted it, her tongue sticking out a centimeter in concentration.

When she was done she leaned back and clapped her hands together, nodding in satisfaction. "Perfect." Her eyes met mine and she grinned again, "It suits you!" I gave her a skeptical look and she burst out laughing, "Don't look at me like that, it's true! And don't even think about taking it off yet." She added the last bit with a serious look and a slightly authoritative tone, causing me to slowly lower my hands as I had been about to remove the blooms from my hair. "It works really well on you because your hair is so dark." She explained while sitting back once more.

"Right…" I said slowly and doubtfully. "Whatever you say. Now I do have to ask, what's bothering you?" My sudden change of the subject caught her off guard and she looked momentarily surprised until she registered what I had asked. An unfamiliar frown appeared on her face and she shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me. "Come on Hethien… I can see something's not right and being both your friend and adopted uncle I'm obliged to ask." The ghost of her regular smile flickered briefly across her lips at this statement and she did start to talk after taking a deep, calming breath.

"Well… By now you've probably guessed I didn't just want to come out here so I could listen to a story." She began nervously. "I didn't dare tell you this when others might be listening. About a month ago I had a dream or maybe it was a nightmare… I thought nothing of it at the time, just a night terror that would pass when the morning came. But last night… I had the dream again." I studied her intently as she looked at the ground while explaining. "I saw the Trees as they are now but suddenly they went out as if they had never existed in the first place. There was only darkness around me and the Trees were dark too… They were dead."

She looked up at me again when she finished and I tried to make sense of what she had just told me. What I actually said out loud wasn't at all what I was thinking or what I wanted to say. "Hethien, dreams are strange. They're puzzles made from things we see during the day or a series of days, put together in an order of madness we can't read. I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much. The Valar have kept this place peaceful for centuries, that's not going to just stop one day. The Two Trees will continue to shine for many days to come, I can assure you we're not in any peril. Don't worry about it, okay?" I took her hand in mine and gave it a soft squeeze of reassurance.

She exhaled slowly and nodded, "Okay." When she looked back up it was to smile again and give a shaky laugh, "Your umm… Your crown is slipping." Even though I couldn't see it my eyes went up with one of my hands which carefully touched one of the flower bulbs to shift the wreath. "Wow… So regal." She commented in a mildly sarcastic tone which made me roll my eyes back at her. I reached out and pushed her over which caused a series of giggles to erupt from her where she lay. I couldn't help giving her a tiny smile, she just had that effect on everyone. Even so, she apparently found the situation funny and was therefore laughing at me.

"Be quiet you." For a pause I just sat there watching her shake with amusement until I shook my head and carefully lifted her crown of flowers off my head, placing it beside me as I lay down once more. Eventually Hethien's laughter faded away and she sighed happily. After a moment I gazed curiously up at the sky, "Hethien?" I asked and she hummed in response. "Do you ever stop to wonder what the future might hold? Not just as an individual but for the world itself?"

"Oh I dunno," she answered thoughtfully. "I mean, yes I've wondered what my own future will be; how my life will turn out. I haven't really thought about the future of the whole world though… But for me I know that sometime I'm going to return home, to Beleriand. It's been so long since I've been held in my mother's embrace and felt my father's hand upon my head. Not to mention it's been so long since I've seen the rolling green hills and soaring snowcapped mountains… Woods that stretch for miles and miles. Pools of water, clear and cold… True, it's not nearly as breathtaking as Valinor but it holds its own beauty all the same."

I could feel my heart sinking as soon as she mentioned going back to Beleriand. She had been old enough to return there for thousands of years and yet she was still here in Valinor. For some reason she had chosen to stay longer than was necessary; much longer. Manwe hadn't told her she had to go either and that was most likely because she loved it so much here and so many people enjoyed her company. However it hadn't slipped by me that she had mentioned going home in a way that said she had no set time in mind. It would come to pass whenever. "Sometime?" I asked quietly.

I turned my head to look at her and she did the same with a soft smile playing on her lips. "Yeah. Sometime." She must have seen the question in my eyes and she certainly read it correctly as she spoke next. "I haven't gone back yet because…" She nervously bit her lip in a way that had come to mean she thought I wasn't going to like whatever was coming next. She shrugged as best as possible while lying down and finished as though she hadn't paused at all, "I haven't gone back yet because of you."

"Me?" I asked incredulously. She nodded and I sat up again while she stayed put. "Hethien don't make life choices based around me. Really…" I couldn't hide the concern in my voice even from myself. "You could have been back in your mother's arms this whole time but you're telling me you gave that up just to stay with me here?" She bit her lip more and I ran a hand through my hair and across the back of my neck. "If I'd have known that I-"

"You'd force me to get on the next ship to Beleriand and watch me sail away. I know." She cut across wearily. "Which is exactly why I didn't tell you before." I stared at her in confusion until she explained further. "If I had told you, you would have done everything in your power to make me go back to the east. I didn't want you worrying about me any more than you already do and I can see how much you need someone on your side. A friend."

"It doesn't matter how I- Wait what?" I did a double take at her words and she looked confused as to what I meant by that. My heart had skipped a beat in alarm and now it was positively racing as I looked at her. "You mean I… I'm your friend?" Her eyes slowly slid across the scenery and she gradually began to nod. I could only gaze at her in shock as my mind went blank and my body turned numb. I had to tell myself over and over that this was real and I was definitely awake in that moment. Never in all my years had anyone used that word when talking about me. As far as I knew I had no friends. For Hethien to say that really stunned me.

She gave a small laugh and gently shoved my arm, "Don't look so surprised, you've always been my friend. Ever since I can remember you've always been the one to put up with me. The one who never failed to tell me stories or put me back to bed if I had a nightmare. Even though I don't see you a lot you've always been there when I needed it. So yeah, of course you're my friend Halon." I was having difficulty breathing. I actually had a friend… Someone who cared enough to know me in a positive way rather than just automatically shunning me.

"I… Really don't know what to say." She was the first being to ever put me truly at a loss for words and in the moment I didn't mind. I didn't need to say anything to show how this was affecting me. "I just- Wow." I fell back against the grass again with my hands over my face, shielding my eyes from the gentle glow Laurelin cast. When I spoke it was muffled by my hands and I spoke so quietly anyway I was surprised Hethien actually heard me. "Am man theled?" Why?

"Maybe because I love you?" I sat up so fast that stars appeared before my eyes and for a few moments all I could see was brown and black spots. When I could see again I turned to stare at her to see her looking quite concerned for what remained of the fringes of my sanity. "Are you alright?" I held no answer, just kept on staring and silently urging her to elaborate. "Umm… Does that bother you? If you don't want me to be that close I can, I don't know, back off a bit?" I frantically shook my head and she sighed in relief. "Wonderful! It's sort of a given isn't it? That after all these years of being so close I would love you. You truly have become family to me."

I felt my own relief washing over me because my mind had jumped to a different form of love other than family. Had she have been talking about that kind of love I wouldn't have been able to handle it as well. Not to mention it would be extremely awkward for me since I still saw her as the little girl who showed me maps and healing spells all those decades ago. My hands were trembling and I fought to maintain my calm when I spoke, "And I hope you know how I return that view." Hethien smiled in a way that let me know without words she knew exactly what I meant. "Good."

I shifted closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest so I could wrap my other arm around her as well in a hug. She let her head fall against me while I rested my cheek on the top of her head and for a long while the two of us just sat like that watching Laurelin pulse softly in the distance. My head was spinning but it was alright. For once my mind was clear and all that mattered was Hethien and the small patch of world around us. Nothing else existed but the elf in my arms.

My friend.

It was drawing into the evening by the time we finally moved from that spot before anyone could start worrying where Hethien had gone to. I offered to take her all the way home but once we reached the market of Valmar she stopped me, "I can take it from here. You go ahead and find a new bowstring." I had forgotten about my original task of the day but even when she brought it up again I didn't want to leave her alone. It was still relatively far of a walk. She must have seen the doubt in my eyes because she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, "I'll be alright, I promise. See you later."

There was really no point arguing with her as she had already released my hand and was walking away, fading into the crowds. I waited until I could no longer see her before moving and starting to search the market. It took quite a while but eventually I managed to find a stand selling bows and their parts. The elf running the business folded his arms with his friendly smile vanishing as he watched me carefully. There was really no need though because I wasn't even looking at the valuable things on his table. I guess that didn't matter to him though.

When I'd found the proper string I was searching for I paid the man with raised eyebrows to silently ask if he really thought I was going to steal from him. He didn't say a word, just shook his head in distaste but accepted the payment nonetheless. I then turned my attention to my bow and started to change the string. When I'd finished I tested the pull and that was when I saw _him_. I very nearly broke the new bowstring in shock because while I had never met or talked to him personally before, I would know him anywhere.

Perfectly straight, silky black hair set over slightly tanned skin. Deep sapphire blue eyes that were currently examining the elaborately molded hilt of a dagger. He wore sweeping midnight blue robes lined with the darkest of purples and a hood was currently pulled up over his head. I could feel myself going pale (paler than usual) and tried to duck behind a group of chattering elves in an attempt to find a way out that would keep me hidden from sight but there wasn't one. I straightened up on the other side of the stand and as a result, backed into someone by accident.

"My apologies, I wasn't looking where I-" My words fell short as those dark blue eyes stared right into mine. My throat went dry and I swallowed nervously, my jaw clenching in anxiety. "Forgive me sir, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." He was studying me curiously as I apologized in a voice that about suggested one was dying. "I'll just be on my way now." I started to walk around him but froze as his hand shot out and grabbed my arm, preventing me from going anywhere.

"Wait a moment." He examined me closely with intrigued interest showing in his cold clear gaze. "You strike me as familiar. Have we met before?" My mind was racing but that was the moment I straight up lied to the face of the most powerful being known to this world. It wasn't a complete lie, I never had personally met him before but I wasn't about to give him my real name or any information pertaining to me.

"No, I can't say we've met before. Besides, I doubt you would forget a character like me." I answered simply. "Of course, I know who you are. Who doesn't?" I stiffened and mentally snapped at myself as I realized what I'd said could have been taken as an insult. However, I maintained a calm demeanor and did what I did best; act. I sank into a half bow, averting my eyes and adding, "My Lord Melkor." For a moment I felt something settle in my mind and was instantly sickened with myself at the thought. In that moment, just for a flash, I felt what it could be like if I told Melkor who I really was and went into his service. I didn't like it but at the same time I couldn't say I hated or even remotely disliked it…

Melkor put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back upright, much to my surprise. "Don't bow please. Wouldn't want to summon the fangirls would we?" I only stared at him in silence and he smiled a touch, "You'll get it someday. So what's your name Maia?" He inquired, referring to me as my race which caught me off guard for a split second. For a few honestly terrifying moments I couldn't figure out how my voice worked. It really was a marvel how little flaps in your throat stretched and contorted to make sounds.

"Er… Tunel." I lied. Dear Lord Iluvatar, he could see through that and I knew it. Going by the look in his eyes I was fairly certain that had we have been in another location (and possibly another time) he would have flayed me within an inch of life for lying like that. Normally I was really good at it but there was just something about him that made me unable to do so. I wasn't myself, not right in the head either as I stood in his presence. Some believed he had changed since his destroying days but I could _feel_ that wasn't true.

Melkor settled for crossing his arms and nodding thoughtfully with half narrowed eyes and a slight smirk. "I see… What might you be doing here Tunel?" I mentally started praying to Iluvatar (something I _rarely_ ever did) that if he would get me out of this right now I promised to change myself and make an effort to be normal like everyone else. Yes, I admit I stopped giving an effort. Well because honestly I just didn't even give a damn anymore so… But still, I could do that if it saved me from this conversation.

"I was just…" I turned to glance back at the bow stand but so far no one was paying any head to the fact that _I_ was with the person most of them knew as an enemy and feared I would take sides with. Basically the apocalypse they worried could happen was a possibility right there but go figure no one noticed. I looked back at the 'former' dark lord and nervously licked my lips. "Buying a new string for my bow." His eyebrows flicked up for a brief moment in half surprise which I could see reflected in his eyes.

"Now that is interesting… A bow being put to use in Valinor? What would the Valar think?" I could tell he was messing with me on purpose but I couldn't help noticing he referred to the Valar in a way that suggested he wasn't counted among them anymore. I supposed he wasn't, considering the betrayals and crimes he had previously committed. Which made me wonder… If my people found out the things I had done would I no longer be counted as one of the Maiar? If that happened what would I be? A traitor and a killer perhaps, if I went that far.

I was about to inform Melkor I was going to head back home when he spoke again and threw me for a loop. "Do you like music Tunel?" I thought about it longer than was necessary, trying to imagine if this could be some trick question. When I'd decided it was safe enough to answer I gave a slow nod and he smiled, "Good. I think I'll just-" He raised his hands, ready to summon some sort of instrument to himself but something possessed me to put out a hand with a protest.

"Whoa!" I yelped. "Aren't you forbidden to play music?" I asked in alarm. I didn't particularly want to get into more trouble than I already was. If Manwe heard Melkor playing his music he'd send someone to see what was going on and I would be screwed as I got swept into the problem. He slowly lowered his hands with distaste and annoyance in his gaze. My mouth was open a touch as I watched him with wide eyes and a speeding heart while my breathing became a touch shallow. "I mean… Well… You wouldn't want to get into even more trouble with King Manwe would you?"

For a moment I believed he was going to obliterate the square despite where we were because rage had flashed into his cold eyes at the mention of that name. Manwe was indeed the king of Valinor and Iluvatar had chosen him to right Melkor's discord to the Music of Creation and basically be the perfect child. Not to mention Manwe and Melkor were the only two of the Valar who were blood related; brothers. Manwe had gotten everything Melkor strived for but had failed to create or become in life so it didn't surprise anyone there was a bit of a feud between them.

"No indeed." He answered in a low voice. In my head a little voice was telling me how I needed to work on watching what I said to certain people. Especially to, oh I dunno maybe the one person who wasn't afraid to end me in a heartbeat? "It's very thoughtful of you to keep me from further issues with him." It was hard to read his expression or tone of voice but if I assumed correctly he wasn't too happy with me and was beginning to get suspicious about who I really was.

"Yes well, I respect you." I bluffed in a dead serious voice. Surprise flickered across his face and I hoped he was starting to believe me so I might stay alive and not find myself brutally murdered later. I almost added how his reputation was bad enough as it was but caught myself before I could even open my mouth. Melkor was pondering me, clearly trying to figure out if I was being honest or not. I suppose in a way I was because even if I didn't like it I had to admit I _did_ respect his skill in everything he did.

He must have decided I was alright because he started to slowly nod and said, "Thank you Tunel. Most people would say they fear me before respect." He flashed a grin at me which I weakly tried to return. Of course most people would say that they feared him first… I was just the first idiot who was able to say 'respect' instead of 'fear'. I got the sense he knew I hadn't really meant my words by the look in his eyes but I was content with the way this conversation was going if it kept me from ultimate torture or something worse. His piercing eyes studied me again and he frowned, "Are you absolutely certain I've never met you before?"

"Yes my lord…" I answered quietly. "I'm absolutely certain." The sky was beginning to fade into darkness and I swallowed nervously, "It's getting late. I should go-" My voice faltered because of the expression on his face when he looked up at the sky too. It was a look of distaste and irritation which led me to believe I had caused it for a moment. Until he said otherwise that is. I just wanted this conversation to be over so I could get as far away as fast as possible.

"Late…" Melkor murmured. "There are many definitions of that word. Some good and others bad. How can we ever determine which is which if one does not look farther than the light?" It was impossible to tell if he was still talking to me or himself but his question really did make me think. People had a habit of judging straight away before seeing everything. They were too scared of what was new and different to even try or begin to look past the shadows that might hold truth. "I suppose," he began in a louder tone, "I must get back too. Arien will be expecting me no doubt."

At the mention of the sun spirit his voice had changed to hold a hint of sadness and I even detected guilt. Why was that? I only found out the reason after it was too late… Late in the sense of being a terrible word that held nothing but death and sorrow. I could never have stopped what happened but maybe I could have warned someone and it could have been avoided. Then again, history would have been greatly altered had I have interfered when I learned what was going on. Melkor turned to me again with a deep sigh, smiling and sticking out a hand for me to shake. "Well Tunel, this has been most interesting. I trust I'll see you again."

I could only give a stiff nod, "I don't doubt it. My lord." I released his hand and bowed my head. He watched me with faint amusement for a moment or two, then he turned on his heel and was gone. Only then did I actually start breathing. My muscles gradually loosened and as a result my body started trembling like a leaf though I couldn't understand why. My skin had turned deathly cold and I felt like my heart was trying to flee my chest. Fear. For the first time I was really scared and it was all because of a short encounter with the one person who would ever control me.

By the time I got back to the house it was very late and Hethien was waiting for me, seated on the stairs. I was numb all over, not really seeing or hearing anything as I closed the door slowly behind me. She looked up and got to her feet, hurrying to me. She gently grabbed one of my hands and placed the other on my cheek. "Halon are you alright? You're awfully pale and so cold…" Hethien announced quietly. I couldn't move or answer her which of course only made her more concerned. "Halon?"

"I'm…" How could I tell her I was fine when I clearly wasn't? The words caught in my throat before they could even form and I gulped silently. I still stood rooted to the spot, paralyzed by my own thoughts. Finally I managed to speak but it was as if someone else said the word for me. It was barely a whisper, uncertain and frightened sounding in my head. "No." I swallowed on a dry throat again and forced myself to shake my head, "No, I'm not." I cautiously pushed past her but she didn't stop me for once, seeing how rattled I was. But I wish she had…

The walk to the staircase was agonizingly long, I wasn't getting any closer. My limbs felt like lead and I no longer even felt alive in that moment. After an eternity had gone by my foot connected with the bottom stair and it took just as long to get up the stairs to the top and then twice that to reach my tower room. Once inside I shut the door tightly and locked it for good measure which was something I never did. My back pressed against the wood and I slid to the floor as my knees gave way beneath me. "My god…" I breathed shakily.

My first encounter with Melkor had left me far more shaken than I ever would have imagined and much more than it should have anyway. Perhaps it was just the unexpectedness of it all. Or maybe I was still worried he would discover my true identity and use that to his advantage. In any case I was getting so worked up about it that I failed to notice the trails of a black smoke-like substance pooling from my fingertips until quite a cloud had formed around the spot where I sat. I raised my hands and the smoke followed, changing course but still sliding gracefully from my fingers to cover the floor.

Upon further examination I saw it wasn't smoke at all but rather shadows… I sat in the heart of the light, and darkness fell from my hands. I curled my fingers into fists but the shadows didn't stop coming and internally a voice started to panic. A much calmer and firmer voice took over, telling me to calm down and relax. I tried and for a moment it worked until someone knocked on my door. The silence shattered in an instant and I leapt away from the surface pressing against my back as if it had shocked me. "Yes?" I asked louder than necessary; my heart racing.

"Halon I know you're going to say no but let me in." Mairon's voice sounded from behind the wood. After a long pause I heard him sigh. "I came home to find Hethien pacing around in worry. She asked me to try and talk to you and I can see it's a good thing I came up here what with the magic seeping under your door… Just consider yourself lucky I saw it first and not someone else." I hesitated for another moment but eventually I figured it couldn't be too bad to give him a chance. After all, he was the only person who would possibly understand this, the only person I could talk to.

I raised my right hand towards the door and gave it a gentle flick so the lock clicked back on the door and it swung open to reveal Mairon standing there with his hands on his hips. I hadn't really seen him in quite a while and honestly I was startled for a moment. His orange eyes were glowing even brighter than I'd ever seen them and his skin had tanned considerably from his time spent in the forges of Aule. His fiery hair was a tangled mess, pulled back in a rough braid to keep it out of his face and smudges of soot and ash crossed his skin.

For a minute we just stared at each other, taking in each other's appearances. Apparently he was caught off guard by mine just as much as I was his. Then again _I_ was the one standing there with shadows oozing from my skin… I gestured for him to enter the room and he did so, closing the door quietly behind him. "Okay I'm just going to get straight to the point. What's this about?" He swept his hand absently at the excessive magic I was using and I silently shook my head to say I didn't even know but that wasn't true and he knew it. He sighed wearily, "Don't lie Halon… What happened?"

He stepped forward and carefully led me over to my bed, pushing me to a sitting position and taking his own seat next to me. I was able to see him even clearer now and noticed just how much he had changed since I'd last held an actual conversation with him. Which was quite a long time ago. He looked more worn and stressed with shadows starting to line under his eyes. Yes, his eyes glowed but somehow the old light had gone out to be replaced by this one of madness and worry. His gaze was distant as if he wasn't really in the room with me but still back at the forge working on some project or other.

"Mairon," I said slowly and he jerked out of his thoughts, frowning at me. "How much have you slept in the past week?" He blinked several times in response and looked confused as to why I was asking him that question without answering his first. I shrugged, "You look as though you've not slept for weeks on end. I know you enjoy your work, sometimes a bit too much, but it's taking a toll on you… You… You're a mess." He scowled at me and I was taken aback by the sudden hostility in his face because it wasn't at all like him.

"Oh you're one to talk." He snapped. "I'm not the one sitting here with magic out of control. Now stop asking me about my life and tell me what's wrong with yours." The authority in his tone alarmed me even more than anything. I didn't dare voice my opinions or ask him anything with the current mood he was displaying but I couldn't help wondering what exactly had happened to make him this way. In an attempt to redeem myself I took a deep steadying breath and gradually the black stopped falling from my hands until there was nothing left. I glanced at Mairon but he only raised his eyebrows back in an unamused way.

I cleared my throat and clenched my fingers into fists several times again just to be sure before speaking carefully and casually to my hands instead of him. "I met Melkor today." There was such a long pause that I wondered if he had slipped out of the room without my noticing. But when I looked up he was still sitting beside me. The only thing that changed was his posture (which had gone stiff as a board) and his expression which was one of surprise and shock. When he said nothing I continued. "I was looking for a new bowstring and there he was in the market."

"You met him?" Mairon whispered with wide eyes. I nodded and his mouth opened a few inches as if he absolutely could not believe what he was hearing. "But… Does he know who you are then?" I shook my head and saw Mairon didn't cover his expression nearly as well this time. He almost looked relieved… I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him but he plowed into speech as he didn't see, "Well that's good. I mean, the longer you're kept secret the longer you're safe. If he doesn't know who you are he won't come looking for you or your powers." He was trying to sound genuinely pleased I was safe and concerned about me but I saw right through it.

The thing was, I didn't believe Mairon anymore. Nothing he said ever convinced me of anything after that moment unless the situation was dire. That night was when the final connections between us (little as they were) shattered and disintegrated into nothing more than dust. The way he had changed was odd for one thing but the things he said were another. It sounded as if he had already met Melkor and had (unfortunately) fallen under his spell. If this was the case it made sense for Mairon to be relieved Melkor didn't really know me because it meant he was in the spotlight and had all the attention for himself. Which was fine by me.

As long as I lived I never recalled one single moment where I wanted to be the center of attention. It made me incredibly uncomfortable but as everyone knows, luck doesn't favour me. Not one bit. "Yes…" I said slowly. Mairon had a dangerous fire gleaming in his eyes and I didn't like it one bit. He didn't seem to hear me anymore, lost in some thoughts of glory and whatnot. "Let's keep it that way shall we? I wouldn't want to distract from you being his favourite pet." Mairon snapped out of it again to shoot me a dark glare that previously had belonged to me and no one else. My how the tables had turned.

"I beg your pardon?" He asked. "For your information I have never met Lord Melkor. How could I? I'm far too busy with my work for Aule." But the hint of bitterness and his formal addressing of Melkor gave it away. Again I was forced to wonder many things about the Maia sitting in my room. Mainly things like how long he had been seeing Melkor, for what purpose, and where it would be leading. Most likely no place good. "I'm simply concerned about your safety as always Halon. There's no need to be scathing about it."

"Oh I'm being scathing am I?" I inquired. "How very rude of me, but forgive me if I don't kneel before you and kiss your feet. My knees are a little shaky right now." I answered in a sarcastic yet sincere tone. I should have stopped talking right then and there but this being me I couldn't stop myself before the next few comments came out. "Perhaps I could offer your highness a nice neck rub or a free hairdo instead." My eyes scanned over his knotted hair again and I had to mentally agree with myself that he seriously needed some help in that area.

Mairon shot to his feet with his hands curled into fists as small sparks flew from his skin as he tried to refrain from doing anything. "Look. I came up here because Hethien was worried and because I always try to help you whenever I can. If you want to ignore me again and be a dick fine, I won't come back. You can fend for yourself next time and see where it gets you. Have fun when you end up doing something drastic like killing someone." Sometimes irony has a discreet way of punching you in the face… He turned on his heel and started for the door as I got to my feet, watching him go.

"I didn't ask you to come in here you know." I called and he paused for a moment to listen. "And in case you hadn't noticed over the years I appreciated your help and even asked for it a few times. What does that tell you? If to you that means I was being an ass then alright, you can go. But understand this Mairon, I was starting to trust you. You would have been a great friend." Saying I trusted someone was nearly the equivalent of 'I love you' and he knew it as he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob. "Whatever Melkor's promised you I can assure you that in the end it isn't going to end well. I may be on the wrong side of the line but if there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that the darkness never wins. Villains always lose."

I let that sink in and didn't say another word. Mairon took his leave in silence and I was expecting the door to slam shut behind him but instead it simply gave a gentle _click_. As soon as he was gone I heaved a sigh and sank back down onto my bed, putting my face in my hands. I could practically feel my last bits of security slipping away from me with each passing second. It was getting hard to breathe just sitting there as my mental walls closed in around me, suffocating me. Finally I shot to my feet and left the room as quickly as one might when in a hurry but I was stopped abruptly when I ran right into Hethien.

She took a step back, looking startled until she saw it was me. "Halon!" She exclaimed. "I uh… Did Mairon talk to you?" I only stared at her for a moment, trying to process the question until it went through and I was able to give a small nod. I would have thought she'd be relieved Mairon had tried to talk to me but instead she looked worried. "He just went down into his forge without so much as glancing at me. I'm assuming that means it didn't go too well." I looked down and shook my head. Hethien reached out and I felt her hands gently grab my arms so that I looked up at her again. "It's okay. Are you going to the feast tomorrow night?"

Feast, what feast? Then I remembered. The Valar were holding a feast in celebration of the many years of peace and plenty. It was later said that the feast was one of irony because what happened during it was anything but peaceful. I confess that I contributed to that disorder and chaos greatly. I actually started it. I cleared my throat nervously, "No, I don't think so. I wasn't planning on it and I'm sure the people of Valinor will be much happier without me there." Hethien frowned but I hurried on before she could say anything, "Really, I'll be alright. You won't even notice I'm not there."

She didn't look so certain but didn't comment. I tried to give her a reassuring smile, though I'm not sure it worked, and leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. It was different though and both of us sensed it. Normally I gave a quick friendly kiss on the cheek for her or more commonly I would place one on the top of her head. This one was more careful, deliberate and for some reason I couldn't help but feel this one might be the last. It was. "You should get some rest," I said quietly when I stepped back. "It's late. You don't want to be worn out tomorrow."

She nodded and reached out to place her hand on my cheek when I didn't quite meet her eyes. "What about you?" She asked quietly. I nodded to the door behind her and she sighed, "I suppose you'll be spending the whole night walking through Valinor then? Just be careful okay?" I offered the ghost of a smile to her and she returned one of sadness. "I'll see you tomorrow then." She gave my hands a small squeeze before disappearing up the stairs to her room.

Hethien's question turned out to be accurate. Once she was gone I stepped outside the house in the hills and I never set foot in it ever again. She was right in the sense that I stayed out all night and just walked around aimlessly the entire time. By the time the day had come again my feet were aching, my legs were stiff, and I had a stitch in my lung. Surprisingly though I wasn't tired in the least bit; despite the fact that I hadn't slept a wink. I then spent the majority of the day sitting on a hill watching the city bustle with people getting ready for the evening.

When the excitement died down I forced myself to stand on shaking legs and walk back to the house. I had been serious when I told Hethien I wouldn't be attending the celebrations. I was halfway through Valmar (a very slow process with all the people hurrying about) when I walked into an elf and hastily backed up while uttering an apology. My voice stopped short when I saw who it was though. My jaw clenched tightly and twitched slightly as Urandir and I had a stare down in the street. No one else existed anymore, just the elf before me. His expression was hard to read and I finally shook my head, pushing past him and continuing on my way.

He followed me out of the city and I thought he was going to stop and turn back around but he just kept after me. I finally had enough and stopped walking when the path narrowed before coming out on a large stone circle with hills around the border like walls. I spun around to face him and he stopped suddenly when I did. "Why are you following me?" I growled. "Go join everyone else at the feast and for _once_ leave me alone." I knew the answer before he gave it and could feel unexplained anger rising within me. Normally I just brushed it off and got nothing more than a little frustrated but for some reason it had gone beyond that… _Way_ beyond.

For the second time in my life (and certainly not the last) I felt like I really wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him feel pain for all the Hell he'd put me through. I couldn't believe that after what I'd done last time he was daring to follow me and harass me again. But what I was going to do in retaliation was far worse than any torture I could ever come up with. I wanted it to be over and to be rid of him forever. In other words; I wanted to kill Urandir. "I can't do that." He said defiantly. "Not when you'll be the only person not there. Who knows what you might do?"

"For fuck's sake," I muttered, turning away for a moment and running a hand over my mouth. I spun back to face him again and said angrily, "I'm not going to do anything. I'm going back to the house so I can have some peace and quiet. Seriously, what the hell would I ever want from an empty landscape?" My first mistake was to try and state my innocence. The second mistake was to insult Valinor to his face. "So do me a favor and go away!"

"No." Urandir bravely took a step closer to me and I cocked one eyebrow at him in response. Behind his defiant stance I could see a touch of fear in his eyes, his body was shaking, and his lips trembled slightly. "No. I won't go away anymore Halon. I won't let you cause any more trouble or bring anymore darkness to Valinor." I tilted my head to one side and took a step closer to which he twitched, fighting the urge to step back.

After a long stretch of silence I spoke. "You intrigue me Urandir." He looked momentarily taken aback by my proclamation but didn't say a word. "How is it you're still able to look me in the eye and stand against me after what I did to you?" He swallowed nervously and I let a smile cross my lips but there was no humor in it at all. "Ah, so you don't even know. Well I have to congratulate you for having guts but unfortunately you don't have brains to match it. If you did you would be smart and walk away now before things get difficult for you."

When he said nothing I turned away and kept going because for a moment I believed he would really stay where he was and quit following me. How very wrong I was. There were hurried footsteps and before I'd gone three paces Urandir stood in front of me, blocking my path. I frowned at him, my brow furrowing with it. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Step aside." He shook his head frantically and some of his old fire was coming into his eyes. I sighed in a resigned manner and when I spoke again my tone was much wearier, almost pleading. "Please move Urandir. I don't want this to resort to violence but if I have to hurt you again I will. Make this easy on yourself and stand aside."

"I will not." He snapped. "You'll just have to force me because I'm not going anywhere." I locked my jaw again and he stayed firm, his face set like a stone of defiance. "What's the matter? You didn't hesitate to harm me before so what's stopping you this time? You should be ashamed to show your face in Valinor after what you did. You should be on the next ship out of here going to Beleriand because you have never belonged here Halon! How many times do we have to tell you before you get it? You're too dark, too dangerous. You're nothing more than a servant in waiting who is a _monster_. An outcast. You don't belong anywhere and especially not here. So if you want to get by me you're going to have to show everyone what you really are and-"

I didn't want to hear anymore. Before he could get out another word I had acted subconsciously and the next second I was turning on the spot to see Urandir on the ground in a crumpled heap. In a burst of magic I had sent him flying over my head and slamming into the stones. Cuts and gashes went up and down his exposed skin and he may have had a few broken ribs. I didn't care. I grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up, "You want to know a secret Urandir? It'll be your last." Without thinking I drove my knife into his gut and gave it a sharp twist so he gasped and fell forward, leaning heavily on my shoulder. I held him steady for a moment to say quietly in his ear, "You made me like this. All of you. Congratulations… You've finally gotten the villain you always wanted."

I shoved him off of me without mercy so the knife came free and he collapsed to the ground. A gaping hole was set into his side with scarlet liquid flowing freely from it. His stark white hands pressed desperately at the wound as they tried to staunch the river of blood leaving his body but it was no use. Urandir was already a dead elf before he passed. I stood there glaring down at his trembling form and watched as he slowly bled out before my eyes. I felt nothing even as his shocked and terrified eyes locked on mine and his lips formed one final word, "P-please…" He whispered. Then his eyes glazed over, he lay still, and Urandir became the first corpse of Valinor.

My chest heaved as I inhaled and exhaled deeply and tried to really see what I had done. I looked down and found my hands stained red and warm from the blood. The silver blade of my knife wasn't so anymore and matched my skin perfectly as if it was telling me we were one and the same. I was never quite the same person after that and can you really blame me? While Urandir was the first to be killed in Valinor and the first to die by my hand, I had just become the first and only murderer of Valinor. The second murderer in all the world if you counted what Melkor had done.

I suddenly heard approaching footsteps and voices laughing and talking. I looked up in time to see two elves round the corner and come to a halt when they saw me. Both took in my appearance and then the full scene… Silia clapped a hand over her mouth when she saw Urandir's body spread on the stones and Elioril fixed a glare on me while putting an arm out in front of his sister protectively. "Stay back Silia." He warned quietly. "So…" His voice was low and cold to match his gaze as he locked eyes with me. "You finally crossed the line Halon."

"It would seem so." I answered in a calm and mildly interested tone. I fingered the blade of my knife absently and smiled mirthlessly at the two of them. "Although really was there ever a line to cross? Perhaps I'm just one of the first to step away from the crowd as we've all crossed that line." I could see Elioril's muscles tensing as if he was getting ready for a fight. If he tried to fight me he was very mistaken if he thought he could win against someone like me. I continued speaking in a curious voice as if I was stating a mind blowing theory, "The way I see it, we were all the same and none of us ever stood on a right or wrong side. Even now… We're all still on the side of the darkness."

"How dare you!" Elioril hissed. "You of all people have no business making such comments. Especially now!" The anger in his tone was rising and I felt a sort of satisfaction at the fact that he was going to lose it soon. "Urandir was trying to stop you wasn't he?" I neither confirmed nor denied because yes he had been trying to stop me, but stop me from what exactly? He would still be alive if he hadn't have gotten in the way. Wrong place, wrong time. Elioril took a step closer and Silia made a small squeak of protest but he had eyes only for me. "I intend to finish the job." He snarled and then leapt forward like a wolf attacking its prey.

I simply stepped aside and with a flick of my wrist sent him flying straight into the edge of the circle. His head smashed against a rock and Elioril slumped to the ground unconscious with a trickle of blood descending from his hairline. Silia had given a quick shriek of horror and ran to kneel beside her brother, hastily checking for a pulse in his neck. When she knew he was alive she turned her head to stare at me, "Halon w-why are you doing this?" She asked shakily. "This… This isn't you!"

"And you know this how?" I inquired. She held no answer and I walked slowly forward to where she crouched watching me with wide fearful eyes. I knelt down beside her and grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back and placing my knife at her throat. Warm tears slid from her bright hazel eyes and I released her hair to grab her chin instead, forcing her to look me in the eye. The crystalline water droplets slid down her cheeks and met my pale fingers at the bottom. "Silia really… Don't cry." I said quietly. "Tell you what… I'll make you a deal."

She stared at me and shook her head frantically as best as possible with my hand holding her face. I pressed my silver blade harder against her skin so a line of red appeared and a single bead of blood rolled out. "Come now, you're really going to refuse before you've heard it? All I want is information on the best way to get out of Valinor undetected. Your dear brother works for the city watch and I know how close the two of you are. I've no doubt you know how to accomplish what I want." Silia still shook her head and I looked down for a moment before getting to my feet again. "Shame… And to think, I was going to let Elioril off easily."

I started to bend down to the seemingly sleeping elf with my weapon ready but Silia let out a cry to stop and I turned back to face her again. Her eyes had gotten even wider and her chest heaved as she silently told me not to do it and she would comply with my needs. "Good girl. Now, what I need to know is the safest route to get to the docks on the outer shores. I need a road I can travel without detection for the most part and I need to get out of here as soon as possible so do hurry."

"I don't understand." She said pleadingly. "Why can't you just clear this up, wipe our memories, and go on?" Dear lord, did she really think it was _that_ easy? How does one explain the disappearance of an elf who in reality has been murdered? "Valinor is peaceful and everything one could ever want. You make it sound as if…" She seemed to realize something and she frowned up at me, speaking in hushed tones. "You don't want to stay here, you _want_ to leave… Why?" I gave a short laugh but it was cold and dead sounding. I didn't doubt I had just killed myself on the inside with this act. I stepped back a few paces and spread my arms wide as I looked at the elf kneeling before me.

"Does that answer your question?" I asked and she looked confused so I continued. "Look at me! Just look! I have darkness written all over me and there can be no denying it now. I can't hide this, I can't change what I've done. So I may as well face the truth. I'm a killer." I walked back up to her and knelt before her once more. "The question is, can you face that Silia? Can you open your eyes and see what I really am just like everyone else? I think you've known this day was coming sooner or later since you met me. You may not have admitted it to yourself straight away or even known really what those thoughts were but they've always been there. Ever since you stopped beside me at the bow stand."

She closed her eyes and two tears slid from under the lids to which my lips twitched. "Silia there's really no reason to cry about it. This is just who I am and nothing will change that. It took me a long time to get here but now I've found what I was meant to become and you know what? I'm embracing it. Now understand this, I'll never go as far as falling under the order of another whom I don't agree with. But that doesn't mean I won't stop myself being who I've turned into. Moving on, tell me now how I am to get out of here."

Silia opened her mouth to answer me but couldn't get the words out as we heard another set of footsteps coming up the path. I was on my feet once more, gripping my knife tightly as I readied myself for whomever might come around the corner. As soon as I saw her my stomach plummeted, my heart missed several beats, and I could practically feel myself going paler. The one person I had subconsciously been praying wouldn't ever find out about this was standing across from me taking in the scene. Hethien looked surprised for a moment but it slowly changed to horror and then the worst of all… Disappointment.

Her clear eyes found mine and the pity in her gaze almost made me look away. All in a single instant I had destroyed every connection we ever had and with it I developed a hard shell. For a moment I felt truly awful but then I simply released all my feelings with a deep breath and when I opened my eyes again after a moment, I felt nothing. "Hethien." I stated quietly. "I wasn't expecting to see you tonight. I thought you were going to attend the celebrations." I spoke as if nothing was happening at all and she retaliated by ignoring my statement completely.

"Halon, put down the knife." She answered in a low voice. I stood stock still and just stared at her until she frowned and repeated in a fiercer tone. "Put. It. _Down_." She emphasized each word for effect and I contemplated her for a second or two before twitching slightly and managing to loosen my fingers from the hilt of my dagger. It fell almost in slow motion and clattered to the stones as the only sound in the whole circle. "Now step away from Silia because-" She didn't get to finish though.

Behind me there came a groan of pain and without hesitation I turned and gave a simple flick of my wrist in Elioril's direction. There was a resounding _crack_ that seemed to split the night and echo all over as his neck bent at an awkward angle and he fell back to the ground; wide eyes staring up at the stars they could no longer see. Silia gave a partial scream of terror and I cut her sound short when I snapped my fingers so she quite literally exploded before my eyes. It was so easy, so _natural_. I felt no regret or remorse in the slightest as I looked at the two elven corpses and the speckles of blood across the stones which was all that remained of the third.

I turned just in time to duck under Hethien's arm and grab her wrist, pulling her arm behind her back at a painful looking angle. My knife was clenched in her hand until I took it back and held it across her throat. Her back pressed against my chest and I leaned forward to say quietly in her ear, "Go on. Say it. I know you want to going by the look in your eyes so what's stopping you?" I couldn't explain why I was egging her on because if Hethien said it then it was over. If she gave up and believed everyone else then there was nothing else to live for and it would all be true. She said nothing for a pause and I gave her arm a slight pull, growling out to her, " _Say it_."

She hesitated for a split second but sure enough… She said it. The words left her lips and I felt an emptiness take over me as soon as the first syllable was released. "You… You're a monster." Hethien nearly whispered. I almost lost myself completely until she finished the phrase. "But even the darkest of monsters can be saved." Even after everything I ever did and everything she had just seen me do, Hethien still cared about me. She wasn't giving up until time itself ran out and I never forgot that in my long life.

My grip on her lessened until I let her go entirely and took several slow steps back. She quickly turned in case I tried to attack again but I did nothing and she seemed to know I wasn't going to do anything. I stared at a stone a few feet away until I found the courage to look her in the eye and whisper hoarsely, "Go." Confusion flickered in her eyes and I dropped my knife again, shaking my head and repeating myself in a forceful tone. "Go!" I watched as she gathered up her skirts and ran from the circle back down the path she'd come from. Before she vanished I saw a trace of compassion in her eyes… That was the last time in my life that I ever saw Hethien. My friend.

It would have been so easy to use magic and clear up the evidence of what I'd done but I didn't. Instead I forced myself to do it by hand; slow and tedious. It was really lucky no one found me and for a heartbeat I wondered if Hethien would tell someone what had happened but as I thought about it I knew she hadn't and wouldn't. She was still too loyal to do so. That doesn't mean no one found out eventually. It may not have been right away but it was certainly the same night and afterwards many people liked to say it was my fault everything else happened because I was a distraction… But if I had known what was going to happen within a few hours' time I would have gotten control over myself.

It took me two or so hours alone to bury Urandir and Elioril and then another half hour to clean the circle entirely so it looked as though nothing had happened at all. When I finally straightened up from finishing my task my limbs were in pain and my whole body shook. I was only just realizing what murdering someone would mean in Valinor or anywhere for that matter. It was only a matter of time before someone came to find me because if there was one thing I had learned about Valinor over time it was that there were eyes everywhere. So basically you couldn't get away with anything. I definitely wasn't getting away with murder.

I clambered to my feet, trembling like a leaf and gazed out over Valinor. The night had settled in as Telperion waxed and for once I felt entirely at peace. I could accept the beauty of the scenery even if I knew I was outcasted already. It was because of that I really opened my eyes and took a moment to see everything because I knew once I met my fate I would most likely never see it again. After about five minutes I decided that was enough standing still and just gazing out across the land so I moved. I had no destination as I walked because I knew they were coming for me before they did so I took my time and was careful with my steps.

Sure enough, once I came across a bare stretch of path I halted. The reason I stopped was because a light breeze had picked up and it was accompanied by faint white lights that glowed and grew brighter by the second. Once they were so bright they were almost unbearable (and surrounded me entirely) I could make out shapes in them. The lights gradually faded away and when they did they revealed six glorious beings in sweeping robes around me. Each man was placed strategically so that I wouldn't be able to escape unless by magic which I had no intentions of doing.

I slowly rotated on the spot to see which six of the Valar had arrived to take me with them and as I looked at each face I saw none of them held their usual smiles or warmth. They were serious and grim. "Ulmo, Aule, Orome, Namo, Irmo, and Tulkas…" I muttered, saying each name with each face I saw. My lips twitched into a half smile but I could tell my eyes remained cold and seemingly dead. "Evening gentlemen. I turned towards Namo (or Mandos if you prefer) with my wrists out to make it easy for him to clap some form of restraint around them. "Well… There's no point resisting so I'll make this easy for you."


	8. Chapter Six: In the Hall of Mandos

Chapter Six: In The Hall of Mandos

Namo considered me carefully but one over from him Tulkas frowned, "You aren't even going to try and fight back?" He asked doubtfully. I turned my gaze upon the famous wrestler and champion of the Valar, calculating him and giving my answer silently that way. He frowned further still. Tulkas wasn't known for his wit… Hence the reason he wasn't the one people went to for bright ideas but if you needed someone who could win you a fight every time guaranteed he was the one to go to. "Why? After all that you aren't even going to try and hide from it or get away?" I shook my head.

"No. You see Tulkas… I recognize what I've done and that it can never be forgiven or redeemed. So I'll have you know this, I feel nothing about it. I know perfectly well what awaits me now and what I say to that is so be it. Why pity someone who is gone? Or I suppose I should say multiple someones considering I've just killed three elves instead of one." I smirked and looked around, "Really though, not much of a loss is it? How many elves are there?"

"Watch it," Tulkas growled, taking a step forward. Beside him Irmo said nothing but silently put out an arm to stop the larger of the two. Tulkas glanced at him and stepped back again though I could see it was against his better judgement. I looked the wrestler dead in the eyes and smiled deviously at him while he glared back. Out of all of them he was the most easily provoked and angered just as fast. Knowing that, I found it very pleasing to direct any and all jibes at him. If this was to be the last time I saw him (or talked to him for that matter) I was going to have fun with it.

My eyes slid over to the Lord of Dreams, Irmo, who had stopped his companion from having a go at me. Irmo was always calm and quiet. Even as he spoke his tone was soft like a whisper but it still held unbelievable power and carried over to me. "You speak so carelessly about this… As if it means nothing." He stated quietly. "Yet at the same time you've acknowledged what may happen to you after this moment. After all… What is murder? What is it to take away innocent lives before they've really had a chance to live? Nothing if it means you have no conscious to feel remorse for them."

I made a _'fair enough'_ face and shrugged. "In my defense, two of them deserved it. The third? Well… Wrong place, wrong time." If Irmo's arm wasn't in front of Tulkas I'm sure the Vala would have leapt forward and pummeled me to the dirt right then and there. I turned once more to Namo and raised my eyebrows expectantly. "So am I just going to have to stand here with my wrists out all night or are you going to take me prisoner?"

"Very well, if that's how you wish it to be." Namo clearly had no problems with me making this easy and that was fine with me. The less problems there were the more I could get through this without getting a chance to regret my actions. "Halon of the Maiar… You are convicted of murder and will be brought forth to the Halls of Mandos to await trial and ultimately, your fate. May Lord Iluvatar take pity on your soul." Well I really doubted that and made that clear with the smile I flashed at Tulkas as Namo's hands flowed through the air and chains appeared around my wrists. Tulkas simply shook his head in disdain at me.

Namo nodded to the other five Valar and placed a hand over the chains before locking eyes with me. I didn't break the stare and just smiled calmly back as a bright light surrounded us and seconds later we were standing in a shining magnificent pavilion. The base was a giant circle atop three skinny steps that wrapped around the whole thing. Graceful columns rose every ten or so feet, stretching up towards the night sky which was the roof of this place. The whole place was made of white marble and it shone with a light that would have been impossible from anywhere else because really there was no place for it to come from.

The Hall of Mandos was isolated from the rest of Valinor so that the surrounding area was nothing but landscape and a far off mass of glittering lights. I had never set foot in this hall before. I was therefore mildly surprised to hear waves lapping against a beach and realized we were placed on the Northern shores of Aman. A breeze flitted through the columns to reach us and it ruffled through my hair gently and pleasantly. As my eyes scanned the area I smelled the salt of the sea and became aware of another being standing not far off, waiting for us expectantly.

Now was Tulkas's turn to handle me and I was silently thankful we were surrounded by others because if we hadn't been I probably wouldn't have lasted nearly as long. He shoved me in the shoulder roughly so I stumbled forward a few steps and glanced over my shoulder to shoot him a glare which he returned willingly. Our procession moved forward into the hall and once I'd reached the center of the circle Tulkas grabbed my arm to prevent me from going any further. I nearly fell over from the pull he gave and rolled my eyes, "You could have just told me to stop you know."

He opened his mouth to retaliate but a clear and strong voice cut across us before he could, "Enough." Tulkas closed his mouth instantly and changed his focus to the seventh Vala present. I too turned to look at him because even though I knew who it was I still couldn't really wrap my mind around the idea that he was bothering to help with this. Manwe, the king of Valinor, just didn't strike me as the type of person to trouble with tasks such as trial. Then again, Valinor had never before seen a crime committed nearly as heinous as mine.

The king stood tall and majestic as white and blue light radiated about his being. His silver hair flowed all around his shoulders and rippled down his back while his clear blue eyes mirrored the morning sky. His usual smile was gone, replaced by a frown of concentration and mixed wonder as he gazed at me. "You know what it is that has brought you here?" He asked calmly. My eyebrows flicked up and I gave a shrug but we both knew I was fully aware of why I was being put on trial. "You have committed a serious crime Halon and it can't go unnoticed. You've just killed three innocent beings and tore them away from a chance at life. Have you no pity?"

This time I raised my eyebrows and looked around just to make sure he was actually talking to me. "Pity?" I asked in a perplexed sounding tone. "Why on earth would I feel that? The world never showed me any pity so I'll tell you what I said earlier to the Lord Tulkas…" For a moment they all seemed taken aback by my formality but just because I was a criminal didn't mean I lacked poise and manners. "What is the loss of three elves worth when there are thousands upon thousands of others left to taint this world?" My eyes scanned over all of them assembled around the pavilion. "My lords… All my life no one has listened to me and maybe now it's time-"

"Sir you are referring to the lives of thousands who have done nothing!" Orome the huntsman intervened sharply. "These are not simple matters. They are not objects to be thrown away on a whim! They are living, breathing beings who have feelings and emotions just as you or I. Yet you speak of this matter as if it means nothing. That those three lives meant _nothing_. Did you stop to think about what those lives may have held in store for the future? The girl might have become a mother, the men noble, you don't know and now thanks to you you'll never find out either. Show some compassion."

I gave him an incredulous look, "Compassion? Dear Iluvatar…" I muttered, "Don't talk to me about compassion. It doesn't exist and if you knew half the things I do or had lived my life you would know that as well. My lord begging your pardon but when you think about it we're not really all that different." Orome folded his arms and I could see his muscles tensing as he listened to me against his better judgement. "You kill innocent lives for sport, isn't that generally what you're accusing me of here?"

"I hunt only the wild dangerous beasts that lurk in the shadows which lie over Beleriand." He answered sharply. " _You_ on the other hand have taken away the lives of elves who are beings of light and care. You don't seem to understand how serious this is boy… Don't try to place the blame upon anyone else and most certainly don't dare call me a murderer again. I stand here with a clear conscious but I cannot say the same for you who stand there with blood on his hands and the memory to last forever."

"Oh no I don't blame anyone but myself for what happened." I answered casually. "Because I know without a doubt that it was my fault. There was no one else present at the time of Urandir's killing, Silia was under my careful watch when I sent Elioril to darkness, and I am (as far as I know) the only one here daring or powerful enough to have killed Silia the way I did." I was careful not to mention Hethien's name in all of this because she was entirely innocent and even if the Valar already knew this I didn't want to drag her into the situation any more than she already had been.

The mighty lords exchanged glances, all except Manwe who kept his eyes fixed upon me the whole time while I gazed calmly back. "You are, without a doubt, the strangest and most unusual being I've ever encountered." The Lord of the Sea, Ulmo spoke out after a pause and drawing my eyes to him. I tilted my head in a _'how so?'_ manner and he contemplated me a minute longer before continuing. In that moment I believe Ulmo was the only one almost overlooking the matter at hand because of his interest in my personal being. It was almost as though he'd never seen a Maia before. Then again I was the only one like me and who would ever be like me. "You've just fully confessed to your crime without trying to defend yourself."

I gave him a shifty smile, "Yes well… Why try to defend yourself when you know you're guilty? Of course that doesn't mean I won't still make a jibe here and there to make the rest of you think about your possible errors in life too. You wish there to be peace and prosperity in Valinor because you want all to be equal and balanced in the light." I let that sink in before slowly rotating in a circle to see and address all of them as I continued. "My lords… Are you really as blind as that? I'm sorry but it's been clear to me since day one that there was in fact no equality here. The elves are petty beings who judge others who simply look different than them."

As if to create a point I gestured to myself as an example as best as possible with the chains binding my wrists. "I admit that I have an overall darker appearance than they do but why did that make me so different than them? Did I ever show them a reason to fear or despise me before now? And you… Well don't even get me started on the proudest race out of all us Ainur; the Valar. You call yourselves lords and ladies that rule over these lands and for some reason (which I _cannot_ figure out) the elves follow your orders without question! I ask you, how is that equal?"

Silence met my words as I dropped all airs of being friendly and glared darkly at them instead. "You see… Even now you sense a touch of doubt because I might be right. And what if I am? Whatever would happen if I, the Maia who killed three elves, was right all along about the hypocrisy of this place? Now you slightly understand don't you? Can you understand at least from my point of view why my whole life all I ever wanted was to get out of this place?" Their attention all pulled back onto me but I was honestly too angry with them all to care if I was saying something that might give me away. "That's still what I want. I want out."

Manwe stepped forward with his brow furrowed and his hands clasped before him as his bright robes fell gracefully around his body and swayed gently like the wind he controlled. As the king looked at me I couldn't help but get the feeling he was thinking of me like a problem that could easily be solved. That was a major issue with the Valar… They couldn't understand any other race but their own and in my opinion that was ultimately what led to the demise of Valinor which was fast approaching with each passing minute.

"You want out?" He repeated quietly and my insides sank while I fixed him with a blank stare. "Please inform me of what you mean by such a statement…" The surrounding Valar had fallen silent as they waited for my answer with expectant faces. I calculated my words very carefully but for once I was at a loss for how to answer because once I admitted something like this to them there was no doubt I would have to be kept under lock and key somewhere. In general my thoughts, feelings, and actions were unheard of for anyone here and something as severe as this would perplex them beyond anything no doubt.

I finally managed to form words and get them out after a long pause, during which many of them raised their eyebrows at me or shared worried glances. "I no longer wish to live in Valinor." I answered and the firmness of my tone surprised even me. In my head the voice instructing me had been quiet and almost resigned but once it came out it turned hard and cold. "I wish to go back to the Timeless Halls from whence we came and to stay there for the rest of my days with The Creator, Lord Iluvatar." Silence met my words and for a moment I wondered if they were going to try and find a way to make that possible but I knew that wasn't happening when Manwe addressed me with his next question.

"That is an impossible task." He said quietly. "All of us know this, that Lord Iluvatar has closed the gates and sealed them against any and all permanently until the end of time. Not even the Valar can break the seal to reenter the Timeless Halls. Only the souls of those who have passed may cross into that realm once more and be with him." Yet again I was feeling a horrible sinking sensation but didn't let it show. "Now… Tell me… You are a smart Maia and you must have known it is impossible to go back so how were you planning to achieve such a feat?"

I could see in his eyes that he already knew the answer and some of the others were starting to figure it out as well. He was simply asking to hear it from me directly and confirm it so no false assumptions could be made. I swallowed hard and with that a sort of hard resolve settled over me and I didn't care anymore whether they knew or not. I didn't care anymore what people thought of me or what might happen to me as a result of my actions. So I spoke the answer without thinking about it and I didn't even mentally cringe like I normally would. "I was going to die, or rather kill myself if you will."

Muttering broke out upon hearing my answer and I noticed a deep sadness fill Manwe's bright eyes as he looked down upon me. I merely shrugged and ignored their quiet outrage and worry, "No one else was going to do it for me." I stated calmly. "And as you said, the only way to get back is to be a soul of the departed. Well… Technically I can't die at all being a spirit in human form, but if my spirit were to be taken from this body I could return there. As you can tell I was far too busy with other things to actually do it, but that doesn't mean I wasn't planning. In fact-"

"Hold on just a moment!" Orome cut in, an intense frown present on his face. He took several steps forward so he was about a foot away and I cocked an eyebrow at him in response. "You mean to tell us that you were readily willing to throw away your life just to leave Valinor?" My eyes slid to the side for a moment as I wondered what kind of a question that was before looking at him again and giving a short nod. He stared at me incredulously and suddenly anxiously as well, "That is a very serious thing to consider, boy…" I tilted my head at him; it was the second time he'd called me 'boy' and really… I wasn't _that_ much younger than him.

"How would you know?" I asked in a low voice that was almost deadly. He appeared momentarily taken aback by the faint hostility behind my tone but had no answer to give me. "Have you ever woken up in the morning with a feeling of dread because you just know that no matter what you do nothing is going to change? Have you ever avoided a house like the plague because you didn't want to face the people inside or locked yourself in your room so no one would interrupt you while you cause yourself pain?"

Once again I sent my glare to each individual present and became aware of the fact that they all looked extremely uncomfortable. "That's what I thought." I said to the silence that greeted my words. "None of you. Not a _single_ one of you gets it. So don't tell me to feel pity or compassion because no one ever did that for me." Orome took another stride forward and had my wrists not have been chained together I would have put up a hand to stop him. He must have sensed my mood though because he stopped of his own accord and shifted back half a step. "A wise move m'lord." I stated sarcastically.

For a small stretch no one said a word or so much as moved. The tension was near unbelievable and it shattered the instant Manwe let his voice be heard once more. "It seems you have no more to say on this matter." The look I gave him was enough to confirm it and he inhaled deeply, wearily even. "Very well. We must discuss what is to be done now." By that, he meant they now had to figure out what to do with me. I had just murdered three people and openly said I wanted to murder _myself_. "Irmo, if you would."

I can't deny that his words threw me for a loop and I felt my heart beat frantically against my chest as the Lord of Dreams nodded and approached me with a grim face. "What are you doing?" I asked quietly; worry tracing my tone. He didn't say a word as he halted and raised his hand. My eyes widened when it hit me what he was about to do and I actually took a step back from him. Irmo turned his palm up and a dark blue-purple dust rose from his skin, swirling gently across his hand. I shook my head and tried to protest but he blew the dust towards me and there was nothing more to be said or done.

As soon as the powder touched my face I blacked out. When I came around again at least an hour had gone by but for a moment or two I couldn't remember where I was. "Easy lad, easy." Someone said gently as I began to sit up despite the throbbing of my head. "You took quite the hit when you fell. Just relax for a minute while you get your senses right." I matched the voice to Aule, the Great Smith of Valinor. "They aren't done deciding yet, I don't think. Be patient. I know how effective Irmo's sleeping powder can be."

"What the hell…" I finally managed to mutter. My eyes squeezed shut when a particularly painful pulse pounded against my skull. Aule clapped a hand on my shoulder to silently say it was alright but I was thinking the exact opposite. "How… How long have I been out?" I opened my eyes to see him pondering my question and shook my head, "Never mind. I don't want to know." He shrugged and clambered to his feet before rejoining the other Lords of the Valar, leaving me to stagger to my own standing position.

The Lords stood in a circle whispering and arguing quietly amongst themselves until after much more waiting, Manwe turned and stepped forward to me again. He didn't appear to like the decision they'd reached but it had to be said nonetheless and despite everything I felt a sinking sensation as I watched him. "We have come to a final conclusion." He said quietly and took another deep breath. "As much as it pains me to do this… Halon of the Maiar, you are charged guilty of the murder of three elves. Your crimes have earned you a punishment most fitting and you will therefore be-"

I never found out what exactly my sentence was. At that precise moment the queen of the Valar, Varda, came hurrying into the pavilion and up to her husband with a frantic expression. She was out of breath with wide eyes and worry clear in them. Her skin had gone deathly pale and once she'd reached the king she clasped his hands tightly between hers. "Varda!" Manwe exclaimed in surprise. When he noticed her expression he frowned deeply, "What has happened?" All of us were watching the Lady of the Stars in anticipation while she caught her breath enough to answer.

"I-I don't know!" She stammered anxiously. "I was at the feast even after you left but I grew worried when you didn't return so I gazed across the land in search of your fate. I saw you were safe here in the Halls of Mandos but something caught my eye. There is a shadow that lies across the land, growing bigger and getting closer with each passing moment!" Everyone looked alarmed upon hearing this proclamation and I'll admit that even I felt surprised. "Come see for yourself if you do not believe me!" Varda cried, tugging her husband past me and towards the edge of the pavilion.

The others joined them but I didn't have to move to see what she was talking about because she was right. There was a huge mass of black making its way steadily across the plains and hills of Valinor. If it continued on its current course, the shadows would end up reaching Valmar and (ultimately) Ezellohar where the Two Trees resided. Knowing that little fact I was the only one who made the connection of what, or rather _who_ , that shadow was and what their purpose might be. I felt cold and swallowed on a dry throat when I realized what this meant. I needed to leave Valinor and the sooner that was the better.

Varda and Manwe exchanged worried looks while the others stood around them tense and pensive. Tulkas suddenly turned around to face me again instead of the black shape drawing nearer to us and took several long strides to reach me, looking quite angry. I took a few quick paces backwards but couldn't go very far before he'd reached me. The Wrestler's hand closed around my neck and he slammed my back into one of the large columns lining the circle. "What is this?" He growled lowly. "What have you done?"

The others spun around by this point and Orome took careful steps closer in case anything got out of hand. "Nothing." I said quietly. Tulkas glowered at me and his fingers closed tighter, pressing down on my throat so I gasped for air. "Nothing I swear!" I repeated louder in slight panic. "I've been here the whole time, how could I have anything to do with this? Use your head in a logical way for once Tulkas!" I definitely wasn't in any position to insult him, it just sort of came out. Yet to my surprise he let me go.

"We must prepare for whatever this new evil may be." Manwe announced authoritatively, very much the image of a king now. He started speaking and the others listened intently but my eyes were fixed on the moving shadow so I didn't hear his words. A frown grew on my face and I tilted my head right before my eyes widened in shock. The shadow had reached Ezellohar and climbed up the grassy hill until it reached the source of Valinor's magnificent light; the Two Trees. I slowly walked across the court as a dead man walking or one numb with horror might.

No one noticed me reach the edge of the hall and simply stand there watching the distance. At first I thought it was a trick of my mind that Telperion flickered but I knew I hadn't imagined it when the Valar behind me joined me and a rush of cold swept briefly over the land. For a moment it seemed as if nothing was happening at all while the shadow simply sat beneath the glorious lanterns but after a minute of watching a slow change overcame the land. The Age of the Trees was coming to an abrupt end before our eyes…

The Darkening of Valinor had begun.


	9. Chapter Seven: The Darkening of Valinor

Chapter Seven: The Darkening of Valinor

None of us could move. Despite the fact that I held no love for the Valar or even Valinor itself, I stood stalk still and paralyzed just as they were while we watched the scene unfolding across the hills. Telperion was fading away rapidly and with each moment it was almost as if he was more alive than ever before, calling for us to stop his torment and save him from this evil fate. It really did surprise me that none of the Valar rushed to aid the Trees and destroy this new shadow forever. They simply stood with me in the night that was gradually getting darker and darker as their work and accomplishments were taken down.

Another cold gust swept across the land to us and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The shadow held its own pulse, gently shrinking an inch or so but then growing back to enormous size and even further. It seemed that as the light of Telperion went out the shadow grew in strength and took up more space until I was sure it would spill over Ezellohar and invade Valinor entirely. It was like watching your worst nightmare take shape in real life and slowly devour everything until it would reach you and take you into its menacing embrace as well.

Yet at the same time I couldn't help feeling like that shadow was here for me and me alone. Everyone else would be safe from its clutches but I had to run as far and fast as I could before it caught up. Otherwise who knew what might happen? Nothing good, that much I was sure of. Still… My conflicting thoughts wouldn't allow me to move an inch. I'll say it again, I absolutely hated Valinor. Alright so maybe that wasn't entirely true… It was my first actual home after all and once I left it I never found another one like it.

Telperion seemed to shudder in the night and then quite suddenly it was over. The great silver tree gave a tremendous flicker and all light vanished from his being. From the roots running up the length of his trunk, what once shone and glimmered had turned a dark murky brown. The leaves that had once twinkled like stars and beckoned visitors forth hung limp, black, and dead. No one made a sound but for the shadow lurking so far away from us. It seemed to swish and shiver, making a haunting whispering sound that carried to those even farther away than we were. It was, without a doubt, the most frightening thing I ever saw in my life and that's saying something…

The night had darkened considerably with only one tree glowing to light the lands but even Laurelin seemed less bright now that her partner was gone. She was already waned for the evening and not glowing her brightest anyway. Even so she held the appearance of one in grief whom is a step away from Death but does not acknowledge his presence until it's too late. The shadow turned towards her now, slowly and leisurely as it was now certain no one would dare come to stop it. That thought was enough to make me seized by a sudden madness as I tried to run forward off the hill we stood upon.

Multiple hands grabbed me and pulled me back from my sudden movements, disturbing the still and the silence. I fought against them with all my might, eyes fixed on Laurelin and a hard expression on my face the whole time. Voices were calling to me, telling me to stop resisting but I only fought harder. I had no chance with my wrists bound in chains that prevented my magic from being performed but that didn't mean I wasn't going to try. My struggle was silent until I'd had enough and tore my gaze from the Golden Tree and turned my head with a glare. "Someone has to do something and I don't see any of you going for it!"

"You're telling me…" Tulkas huffed, struggling to keep a good hold on me while I flailed about in his hands. "That you can kill three living beings without remorse but you actually give a damn about a _tree_? One that represents the light no less!" I kicked and elbowed at him but nothing I did could free me from his iron grip. "It amazes me how that's even possible! You sicken me…" I let out an angry yell and a bang echoed off the hills. The chains that had previously imprisoned me were gone… Tulkas had loosened his hold on me in shock because magic should not have been possible in those bindings.

I wriggled free and turned to face them before anyone could grab me again. They all stared at me while I breathed heavily, subconsciously rubbing my wrists. Apparently my pent up energy that had no release resulted in an explosive amount of magic running through me and thus allowing me to break free. I managed to catch my breath enough to say, "Look… If you want to hold me prisoner _that badly_ then you can come find me after and I won't fight. But right now I have another calling and for once I'm going to try and do what's right and stop this. The light of Valinor is about to go out forever. Which of us are you more concerned about?"

I waited for no answer, vanishing on the spot and leaving them standing in the Hall of Mandos. That was the last time I ever saw any of them. When I appeared at my next location it was chaos and only lasted all of five seconds. I found myself standing in a cloud of black that swirled all around me and blew like a high wind, making me stumble. I caught a glimpse of a tall man standing before the trees and a giant creature of sorts getting closer and closer to Laurelin. I tried to call out or raise my hand, not exactly sure what I could do to prevent anything when suddenly I was wrenched off my feet.

I landed flat on my back, staring up at the sky and in considerable pain. Despite that I forced myself to stagger to my feet, only when my gaze found the Two Trees again I was far too late. Whatever that monstrous creature I had seen was, it had clearly reached its prize. Laurelin gave a great flicker just as Telperion had done and she too, began to fade. I felt an unbearable sinking sensation as if I had just failed everyone even though we never got along. I straightened up, shaking all over, and clenched my jaw as I watched the last moments of Laurelin.

She put up more of a fight than Telperion had, as if she was resisting the darkness surrounding her and would refuse to meet the same fate her companion had. For a moment I believed it. Laurelin glowed even brighter for half a second but just as quickly shot back to fading and was even fainter than before. I felt worse about Laurelin's passing than I did Telperion and it wasn't until later that I understood why that was. Her brilliant gold… Reduced to nothing until her leaves shriveled and changed dark green while her trunk turned muddy brown.

When the last light of Laurelin faded away the world went near pitch black. The stars twinkling far above were noticeable for the first time in thousands of years but it wasn't a comforting sight. The once glittering green hills now stood black and ominous with long shadows that took over where light had once touched and left its kisses. The world fell into a hush and became still with coldness seeping across everything. It was as if we'd been thrown backwards to the days when Arda had just been created and the light hadn't been thought of yet. For all I knew I could have been the only living soul left in that desolate place.

It wasn't just the light that had been drained from Valinor, it was the life as well. The people lived for the light and practically worshipped it, but I don't think they realized just how important it was until it was gone. Funny how that happens isn't it? You don't realize what you had until you've lost it. I learned that the hard way… And it started that night. A flowing wind reached me but it wasn't the usual gentle caress the wind here carried. It was sharp and cold, cutting like a knife in the darkness that pressed in all around me. I felt empty and hollow with the sight meeting my eyes and it was unfortunate but there was nothing I could do. All in a single moment, Valinor had become a graveyard.

The wind ruffled my hair, I raised my hand to brush it away but froze as a sound met my ears. It was only then I became aware that I wasn't the only person on that hill anymore. Or maybe I never was, I couldn't say. All I know is when I turned there was another being about ten feet away. She was on her knees with her head bent towards the earth and her golden hair fell lank around her face so I couldn't see it. Her pale hands were clasped and shaking in her lap and her body trembled but not from the cold. She was crying.

I stood completely still with a frown pulling at my lips as I watched her there on the ground. I almost felt as if I should go over to her and at least put a hand on her shoulder in comfort but something in the back of my mind was telling me not to. Even though a part of me really wanted to go and maybe say something to the crying girl (much to my surprise) that nagging thing in the back of my head told me she most likely wanted to be alone. So I did nothing. I let her and all the other residents of Valinor grieve for their loss though little did I know that girl had suffered more loss than anyone that night.

I turned away from her kneeling figure and walked farther away across the hill I found myself placed on. There was nothing left to be done or said except leave; that much I was certain of. Yet for some reason I was unable to do so just right then and as a result ended up doing something both incredibly reckless and stupid. It later turned out to be the most risky and idiotic thing I had ever done in my life and that includes all the things I went through after this dark hour in the history of Arda.

My eyes closed and moments later I found myself standing on Taniquetil, the highest and most grand mountain that ever existed in all of Arda. Atop the stretching peaks were the mansions of Manwe and Varda; the king and queen of Valinor. Though I wasn't really sure how that worked anymore given there really wasn't even a Valinor anymore. The reason I showed up at that particular place was I knew that everyone would be there save maybe a handful during all the events going on. It was where the feast to celebrate the peace was being held after all only now they understood it hadn't been so much peace as it was a diversion for what happened.

Sure enough, when I arrived it was to find the pavilion where the feast was being held packed full of elves, several Maiar, and the Ladies of the Valar. They were all gathered at the edge, staring out at the darkness that had overtaken everything they once knew and loved. No one noticed me appear for several minutes as they observed, but eventually whispering did break out amongst their ranks. I heard snatches of their quiet conversations such as, "How could this have happened?" or "The light… It's gone…" and "But how?"

It seemed as if in slow motion to me that they all turned and their eyes fell upon me like a spotlight. I simply stared right back until an elf broke from the mass and marched up to me with his hands curled into fists. "You!" He snarled. "You _dare_ show your face here?" I didn't even roll my eyes or so much as flinch. Not even when he drew back his arm and punched me straight in the nose with enough force that my head bent back. I numbly raised a hand to check for blood as several cries lifted into the night air, shouting for him to stop or be careful.

I raised my eyebrows, unamused, when I saw scarlet across my fingers and gave a sigh, "Congratulations Feanor… You've finally done what you've been meaning to since the day we met." He scowled at me for the fact that I was able to take the situation so lightly and make a joke during such dark times (both literally and figuratively). I lowered my hand and looked him directly in the eye now, "But despite the seemingly popular belief here, I didn't do anything." His brow furrowed and muttering broke out amongst the others while I leaned forward with a mock surprised face, "I know! Shocking, isn't it?"

Feanor glanced around before narrowing his eyes at me, "Then tell me Halon… If you're as innocent as you claim, who did this?" I cocked an eyebrow right back and his gaze darkened instantly. " _Him_?" He growled and I shrugged to say I wasn't positive but it was a pretty good guess. "I knew it…" He turned to face the others and I was honestly surprised he was half siding with me right then and there. "Have I not been saying all along it was a mistake to forgive Melkor and let him roam the earth freely?" Several people shifted uncomfortably, mainly being the Valar present.

Luckily Feanor was prevented from saying anything else as another elf ran onto the scene, panting and out of breath from a long journey. All eyes turned to the sudden newcomer and Feanor was the one to recover first, stepping forward to demand what had happened now. As it turned out, the elf was the cook of the house of Feanor and the news he brought boded ill to almost everyone there to hear it. It was just as the messenger began to speak that the rest of the Valar arrived and I slid back to hide myself in the shadows so they wouldn't see me. "We… We tried to resist," he huffed. "But h-he was too strong!"

He reached out to clutch Feanor's arms tightly, his eyes wide and popping. For a moment it seemed he couldn't get out the words as he struggled to make them leave his lips. The whole area had gone deathly silent to hear his words. "Melkor… He attacked us… K-killed your f-father… Silmarils… Gone." That was all he could say before his legs gave out beneath him and he collapsed to the stone ground. It was then that those of us close enough saw the dark stain across his tunic with a slash in the fabric and the red on Feanor's hands. It was the first, but not the last, blood that the elf had to wash himself clean of.

Everyone could sense Feanor's growing rage as he trembled from head to toe and fire danced in his eyes. Finwe was dead and the Silmarils had been stolen, all by Melkor's hand. Feanor turned and addressed everyone but for the most part his eyes remained locked upon the Valar. "King Finwe, my great and noble father, has been murdered by Melkor." His voice echoed across the mountain and was full of wrath. "Furthermore he has stolen the mighty jewels I once created; the Silmarils. He has taken and fled with the light that Valinor so previously prided and loved! But I vow that this demon will not get away so easily!"

I frowned in concentration at his words but Feanor wasn't done just yet. "From this day forth I name him Morgoth! The enemy! May he never taint the land again and may he meet his doom across the sea! If I have to do it myself then so be it!" Had I have had anything in my mouth I most likely would have choked… As it was I disregarded all caution for who was present and stepped out of the shadows to confront the elf about what he was saying.

"Feanor don't be an idiot!" I contradicted and once again all eyes were on me. The Valar noticeably tensed when they saw me but I ignored it; they could arrest me again later. "Listen to yourself! Hear what you're saying! You'd have to be completely mad to go up against someone like Melkor, or Morgoth, whatever his name is doesn't change his power. You wouldn't stand a chance with an army of elves against him. Especially not since now he has even more power from those bloody gems you created and he's in his stronghold once more!" Insulting Feanor's prided work was a mistake. "Trying to take him down single handedly… Well that's just suicidal."

"Oh you mean like you Halon?" Feanor answered in a sarcastically interested voice. I felt myself going cold and several elves gasped while others broke out into muttering again. I had harmed myself in more ways than one in the past, tormented myself, had even thought about death on a daily basis, but I never had tried to do it myself. I took three strides and was practically on top of Feanor, grabbing him by the collar and giving him a rough shake while (to my great surprise) everyone watched and no one tried to stop me.

"You listen to me you little elf," I snarled and he glared right back, showing no fear. "You have _no_ idea what you just swore yourself into. You have absolutely _no_ idea what Morgoth is actually capable of. The destruction of a couple trees, the murder of one elf, and the theft of three pieces of jewelry are mere child's play to him. You didn't even begin to _exist_ the last time he pulled a stunt like this and you have never seen his monstrous work. If you go and try to fight him, he is going to _destroy_ you. You've just sealed yourself into a death pact!"

Feanor gave a short, cold laugh, "Oh you're wrong about two things already Maia. I haven't sealed myself into anything but a vow I intend to keep and fulfill. My father will not have died in vain, I will avenge him and all others who Morgoth has harmed. I will not fall in doing so either, that I promise you. As for never having seen his 'monstrous work', I can assure you I have. It's looking me right in the eye." My first instinct was to rip out his heart but instead I let go and took a slow step back from him. I wasn't going to commit another crime (especially in front of so many people) and make them believe I really was the monster they feared.

"Fine." My voice was low and quiet. "If all you choose to see every time is the darkness and you want the light to come back _so_ bad, I'll leave. I'll take the next ship out of this place and Valinor will be free to restore its glory and become as it once was. The final shadow is leaving." I turned on my heel and started to walk out instead of teleporting myself, but when I got to the edge of the mountain I stopped and turned to look at him once more. "And Feanor… If I ever see you in Middle Earth be warned that I won't hesitate to kill you. You won't be under the protection of this land anymore and there are no rules in the wild."

Then in a sudden cloud of red, I was gone. When I looked again I stood on the shores of Aman with the great blue sea spread before me like a blanket. The salt in the air danced across my senses and the gentle breeze seemed to whisper words that were encouraging and soothing. My feet moved of their own accord, carrying me across the sand towards the mass of water that awaited me. The soft ground fell away under my feet and when I stepped into the shallows, cold rushed over my feet until it touched up to my thighs. Then I stood completely still while the waves lapped around me, swirling by or splashing up.

How would it be to keep walking until I went under the surface? To keep going until I no longer could and my body shut down beneath these calming waves? It would be blissful oblivion to cease to exist right then and there with the ocean for my grave. But even so as I thought about what Feanor had said to me earlier I couldn't do it. I wasn't able to take another step as my feet froze beneath me to prevent it. I was alone in the night with only the sounds of the sea for company. Until a shout echoed across the still air that is. "Oi! What are you doing there?"

Turning my head I saw an elf hurrying across the sand in my direction, a lantern bobbing about in his hand. I could only sigh and looked back out at the dark horizon once more. "Excuse me sir?" The elf called, now sounding a touch nervous. "Is there something I can help you with? I'm afraid there's not much we can do right now, what with the shock of what just happened. The Two Trees have just… Gone out and now the world is like this! I couldn't believe it at first, I-" He was talking too much.

"I need a ship." I interrupted, even though I knew it was rude. When he neither said nor did anything I turned around to face him with a blank expression. "I am aware of the situation at hand. Does it prevent you from getting a ship together and ready to sail tonight? I don't think so. I suggest you do as I ask because frankly this isn't a good time to contradict me and if you value your life you'll follow my orders." The elf's eyes went wide for a moment and he glanced behind him nervously. I glared at him, "Alright fine. If you absolutely must know why I am here at such a late and dark hour then listen to this."

As I spoke I slowly walked out of the water and approached him where he stood tense on the beach. "You're in the presence of a fugitive and quite possibly the most wanted one in all of Valinor right now besides Morgoth; previously named Melkor. I want you to understand something. I'm the Maia connected to him and if you have any idea what that means you won't dare ask questions, you'll simply do as told." By that point I had reached him and he was positively cowering beneath my glare. "Now… Do I need to ask again?"

"N-no sir!" He stammered. "I shall fetch you a ship!" Then he was gone, scurrying back up the way he came and leaving me alone again. I wasn't worried about the elf possibly betraying me because there was no one else around to tell and by the time he got the message out, I would be long gone. Sure enough, he returned minutes later alone but also without a ship, making me frown. When I asked what he was doing he drew a small vial from his cloak and showed me the light purple liquid swirling inside.

"And I'm supposed to be impressed by the fact that you brought me back sparkly essence because?" I inquired slowly. The elf was trembling and very nearly dropped the vial as his shaking hands worked to uncorked it and turned the contents over into the water. The purple touched the water and traveled in a strangely straight line away from us, expanding as it did so until it began to take shape and within two minutes there was a perfectly new one-man ship before us. The white wood seemed to glow in the darkness and the sails looked ghostly against the black. I then nodded approvingly and turned to the scared elf once more.

He flinched when I reached into a pocket but all I did was draw out a small leather pouch that clanked as it was filled with gold coins. "I was never here." I said quietly while dropping the bag into his hand. He looked startled for a moment as I continued, "You never saw me and if anyone asks about a missing ship, you know nothing. Understood?" He nodded frantically and I pulled away from him, "Good. I thank you for your help." Then I simply left him standing there as I waded back into the water and hauled myself onto the ready ship.

Almost as soon as I stood on the small and narrow deck it began to move beneath me. The ship was so light that as it glided across the still sea it barely made a ripple and it seemed as if I was floating across a smooth mirror. A gentle breeze lifted from the water to ruffle my hair but other than that there wasn't a single disturbance on the ocean that night as I left Valinor behind forever… I turned once to see the island getting smaller and smaller and I couldn't help the touch of sadness that entered me. Even as I was approaching my destination I didn't feel free. If anything I felt more imprisoned than ever with a dreadful weight pressing down upon my very being.

I could just see the shores of Beleriand looming closer when everything went to Hell. I was wondering what exactly I planned to do once I got there given I had no home, possession, or even really a name anymore. It was generally in the nature of my people to roam free as we were spirits but I couldn't be, no matter where I went. Then out of nowhere a fork of lightning struck across the sky and my head shot up as thunder shook the air, ominous storm clouds rolling across the sky and covering everything in a dark grey-black mass splashed with silver. Large cold drops of water fell from the sky and hit my skin until they became more frequent and within seconds I was soaked to the bone while the storm overhead raged on even more.

It was like no storm ever seen before (or ever again for that matter) in the history of Arda because Ulmo himself was creating it, and with a purpose. I could tell because while it was a fierce storm, it was also very controlled; deliberate. I grabbed the rail of the ship which was suddenly pitching and hurling all over the crashing waves but it didn't help my balance. My feet wouldn't stay on the deck as I slipped over water and was tossed to and fro by the tempest. Finally I was thrown to the ground and clutched the rail with all my might, managing to look up and squint at the dark sky, yelling as loud as possible over the sounds.

"Ulmo!" I called. "I understand that you don't want me to get away! You want justice for my crimes and I don't blame you. But is this really necessary? I get it, really I do!" In answer, a wave went over the port side to splash me in the face. I shook the salty water out of my eyes and gave a frustrated huff. "I get the point, you don't like me. Now do us all a favor and piss off would you?" That was definitely the wrong thing to say but honestly, I didn't care. Although I did start caring when an abrupt wave slammed into the back of the ship with such force that the whole thing capsized into the ocean and below the surface.

The frigid water encased my body and it seemed as soon as I was fully submerged that it swirled around me more fiercely, creating a barrier I couldn't get through. Foam and bubbles from the storm and the recently drowned ship formed rope-like shapes and latched onto me, dragging me down. No matter how hard I fought against them it was no use. Ulmo was controlling these waters and I was in his domain which meant there was really nothing at all to be said or done. When that realization hit me I suddenly stopped struggling. I no longer fought the raging sea that swallowed me and pulled me to what was certain death.

Yet again the thought crossed my mind to just let everything cloud over and shut down as I sank further and further. My limbs were already numb from the cold and felt heavy from my previous struggles. So why not just fall back into a silent and unknown ending with this for my tomb? No one would ever find me but it wasn't like anyone would care. I would be gone and pass from this world while they got to forget I ever existed and live on with a little less darkness in their lives. Well naturally as that was what I was thinking (and honestly hoped for) it wasn't going to happen.

Gradually it became harder to hold my breath, my lungs burned and felt as if they would burst from my chest. A stream of air left my mouth when I couldn't hold it any longer from the internal pain, making me sink farther faster. My eyelids felt heavy and started to close when suddenly, somehow, the bonds around my ankles, wrists, and waist were lifted and I subconsciously felt myself rising. Was I though? Or had I finally achieved my goal of leaving behind Middle Earth and returning to the Timeless Halls? I had no way of knowing…

When I opened my eyes I was laying on my back staring up at the night sky. I never noticed how many stars there were before until that moment and I don't think I ever noticed them again. I could hear the rush of the ocean but it was faint, muffled. My head started spinning and I closed my eyes with an intense frown before managing to roll onto my side and cough up near a gallon of water… Which, if you've never done that, it's incredibly painful and disgusting. My lungs and throat burned with the salty seawater and my eyes started to stream as well; trying to clear themselves of the sting.

When I was done I looked up but couldn't see much from where I lay. Gradually I forced myself up onto my knees and sat back on my heels, panting even from the simplest effort that had taken. I felt drained and weak… My eyes were drawn to the sky yet again and the stars winking down at me in an almost mocking way. I glared at them momentarily then set to getting onto my feet properly. I swayed on the spot and squeezed my eyes tightly shut as the world started to spin unnaturally. Coming down from drinking seawater is worse than coming down from being drunk; just saying.

I staggered forward a few feet with one hand against my head and the other stretched before me in case I should fall to the ground. I was lucky to even make it off the beach that night with the condition I was in. When I had climbed over a small mound of sand it was to see the place stretching far away and in the very distance was a dark clump of trees. It was then, as I looked around me, that I suddenly realized I had no idea where I was. I was in a completely new and strange land that I hadn't been to since the earth had changed and we all moved on to Valinor. It was all different from what I remembered it to once be and because of that I was lost and quite frankly in no small amount of danger.

Not only did I not know any of the land but I also didn't know any of the people who resided here. I had no idea who would be a friend or foe, where each might live, who I was to encounter… Nothing. It was because of that I set out across the sand with a firm determination to learn and gradually settle into this place. There was absolutely no going back to Valinor after what I had done and to my knowledge there were no between lands. Beleriand _was_ the between land with the realm of men lying far to the east beyond the mountains that marked the end of this land. I most definitely was in Beleriand; that was the only thing I knew.

I recalled all the maps I had seen of this world and particularly Beleriand, but just because I had practically memorized those didn't mean I had a clue as to where I walked. If I didn't know where I washed up knowing those maps wasn't going to be any help. So I walked on with the pounding in my head lessening with each step and a cold resolve falling onto me with every stride that took me farther and farther away from Valinor. This was my home now and I wasn't ever going back to the place of my torment. Although to be fair, had I have known just how much torment being in the developing Middle Earth was going to cause me perhaps I would have stayed in the Undying Lands after all.

Eventually the sand faded away into grass which grew into a dark lush green the farther it got from the shores. The whole time my eyes were fixed on the forest drawing nearer and growing in size the closer it got. By the time I reached their cover the sky was beginning to lighten and the stars to fade away. I paused and scanned the area with the feeling of being watched coming upon me where I stood. My gaze landed on a rough wooden house tucked away into some of the trees and I felt my brow furrow curiously as I took a few steps closer. "Take one more step and you get it!" I froze at the sound of a new voice with no one in sight.

"That's it, stay right where you are." It was definitely a woman addressing me and I knew she was behind me now, having somehow snuck up unnoticed. "Put your hands where I can see them and don't even _think_ about using that sword of yours." So I slowly raised my hands for her to see I was surrendering and meant no harm. Yet. "Who are you? Where did you come from?" I didn't turn around in case she was ready to skewer me but my eyebrows went up; unamused.

"Which question do you want answered more?" I tensed when the tip of a sharp object poked my back. "You really shouldn't get so close with that…" She made no answer and I continued with a slight dip of my head, "It makes it incredibly easy to do this." I whipped around and grabbed her forearm, pulling her close and wrenching a knife from her hand. I wrapped one arm around her to pin her and the other went around her neck to put the blade I now held at her throat. I tiled my head at her ear, "Here's the thing; I've had an incredibly long night and not exactly for good reasons. So as you can see…" My voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm not in the mood to be toyed with."

Her mouth was open a touch and she had frozen on the spot. "I believe I'll be asking the questions now but I'll do you the courtesy of answering yours first. My name is Halon, I came from the Undying Lands across the sea to the west. Valinor." I sensed her surprise and continued, "I have no doubt you're wondering how I got here and for what purpose but right now there are more pressing matters. You'll find out in due time. Now, if you wouldn't mind to be so gracious as to inform me where exactly it is I am?"

Instead of answering my question she asked another one herself, "Do you always talk like this?" I frowned at her and she kept going. "All formal and proper I mean? Seriously, who _are_ you Halon? Or rather what? I'm doubting that you're an elf and you're really not striking me as a Valar." I rolled my eyes at her persistent inquiries and felt a trace of annoyance that she had chosen to ignore my questions and keep up with hers when she really wasn't in the position to ask but answer. Yet if this was the only way I was going to get my own answers then I supposed I would have to go along with hers first. She was currently the only person around and probably for miles so it wasn't like I could go find someone else easily.

"What do you mean 'formal'? I am not formal." I said in mordant tones. I just caught the skeptical expression on her face and narrowed my eyes at her even though she couldn't see it. "Right… Well in answer to your other questions; no I am not one of the Valar and I am most certainly not an elf. Just… Don't even get me started on them." Here my tone lowered and went bitter until I continued because I could tell she was confused and even more curious, wanting to know answers but I hurried on before she could say another word. "I'm one of the Maiar, perhaps you've heard of us? Maybe not, few have outside Valinor. It's as if we don't exist."

"The Maiar?" She asked slowly. I was about to explain further but she surprised me by giving the answer herself. "You mean the… The spirits that came to Arda with the Valar during the creation and became attached to them?" I raised my eyes to give the view a _'so done'_ expression because she was technically correct but the way she said and used the word 'attached' I didn't like it. It was such a pitiful word, a forlorn word… In other words; it was a word that didn't agree with me. "But then… What on earth are you doing here and what happened to make you so… Intense…"

I made a faint sound that highly resembled a growl and pressed the knife down on her throat so she inhaled sharply. "That's enough questioning on your behalf. Now I think it's time you answer mine. The key of those being my original one; where the hell am I?" I was becoming aware of the strangest things standing there in the dark; things I had never noticed before in my life. It was one of the many effects Beleriand had on the mind that was drastically different from the setting of Valinor. I noticed every slow breath she took, the way her lungs expanded with each one. The pulse in her neck where my thumb touched it, increasing to alarming rates whenever something drastic happened.

I could feel goosebumps across her skin and became aware that she smelled like a forest just after it rains. My senses were drastically heightened and I wasn't exactly sure I liked that… I didn't like the way I noticed every small detail about her and I liked even _less_ the creeping sense that I actually maybe enjoyed something about it… I enjoyed the feeling of my arm around her lithe form even if it was in a threatening stance and I knew nothing about this girl. Not even her name. I dared to wonder if Beleriand was a place that forced you to feel things and if that was the case then I wanted out before I started feeling for the acts I had committed across the sea.

I later discovered that I only felt things so strongly in that moment because the shift from a land where everyone was immortal to a one where people died every day was quite the change. It never happened again after that night and I got used to it. Even so… It was so much that I actually almost let her go for fear of doing something stupid or rash. "You're at the edge of the Birchwoods of Nimbrethil, on the northern shore of the Bay of Balar." That was a lot of words for one place… At least I recognized the name and therefore knew where I was now and also which way _not_ to go from here. I must have been silent for a while because she asked, "Are we going to stand here all night or are you going to let me go?"

For a moment I almost did but instead I pulled her even closer against me, my eyes darkening as I reinforced my hold on the knife. "No." My voice was low and menacing. "I never said I was done with my questions. I need to know the safest route I can travel by to avoid any unwanted encounters. But more importantly… What is your name?" She said nothing for a pause and gradually began to shake her head as if she couldn't understand the concept of the question.

"Why would I tell you?"

"I asked first." I answered rather childishly. She must have agreed with that because she actually found a way to turn her head and give me a face that said _'really?'_ and I cocked an eyebrow back so she looked away again, her cheeks flushing. "Humor me." I said seriously and she knew just from my tone that I was indeed being deadly serious that she should comply with my words. When she still said nothing I gave her neck a slight prick with her own blade and she made a sound of protest.

"Alright, alright! Calm down! My name's Laredith. Now _if_ you wouldn't mind, my neck is starting to cramp from this position and I have an itch." What? I was so confused that this time I really did let go of her. She stepped away from me, carefully rolling her head this way and that and indeed, scratching the top of her head. "Thank you! I thought you might never let me go and I would be stuck following you around everywhere! Though, that wouldn't exactly be a bad thing." She added the last bit while looking me up and down to which I gave her an unamused look right back. "Alright fine, I was going to compliment your physique but perhaps I shouldn't for my own safety."

"No, you shouldn't." I answered firmly and she shrugged. "And for that matter-" I came to an abrupt halt as another voice, much louder, called out through the dark. The newcomer had come from the house tucked in the trees and a light swayed in his hand from the lantern he carried. He paused for a second but upon seeing me standing with Laredith he started running towards us and I felt my eyes widen. "I'm afraid I've overstayed my visit. Thank you for your help, until next time Laredith." Then I sprinted past her and on my way. It was a risky move since the way I went brought me closer to the approaching man but it was the direction I had to go.

"Maybe we will see each other again Halon," she shouted after my figure. "I think I could put up with that!" I couldn't help it, I grinned as I kept on running without looking back or so much as acknowledging her. The man who had come from the house was still running after me, trying to catch up while cursing me several ways and ordering me to get back there and face him like a man. The thing was, I had longer legs and was in much better shape than he. Needless to say it wasn't very hard to outrun the guy but I later reflected that maybe it would have been safer to stay after all. Facing an enraged man would certainly have been easier than what I ended up actually facing later on…

I had been in Beleriand for little over three months when it happened… I had become a known figure throughout the land though nothing more; a nameless being. It was very rare that I ever stayed in a village for the night, I generally stayed out in nature rather than face people just yet. I was still cautious and even more on guard now that I was no longer the only person to have left Valinor. As it turned out shortly after my departure, Feanor and a whole host of elves had basically told the Valar to piss off and traveled to the shores of Aman seeking ships to take them across the sea.

When they were denied a massive slaughter occurred and for the first time in history, elves killed elves; their own kin. The Teleri had been defeated and the Noldor (Feanor's host) had taken the ships by force. When they arrived Feanor had decided to burn the fine ships that had been a prized work of art by the Teleri. You could see the flames from leagues away and even if you couldn't tell or know what it was until the news spread, you could tell it wasn't anything good. I got into a spot of trouble when a small group of Feanor's scouts had found me and wanted to take me back and answer to their king. That was how I knew they were the ones who had arrived and set the great fire.

Obviously I fought back because I wasn't about to go and face Feanor after all that had gone down. It wasn't that I was afraid of what he might do, I would just rather not be around people I knew would blame me for Finwe's death and the destruction of the Two Trees. _That_ I could honestly say I was entirely innocent in. I didn't think they knew about the murders I had committed and I would rather keep it that way for the time being. Believe me, my murder streak wasn't done yet. Not by a very long shot. So… I generally avoided populated areas for that reason. I tried to avoid the north too.

The north was where Morgoth had originally constructed Angband and when he fled back to Beleriand after the Trees that was where he returned. Ever since then the north had been a place of terror especially since with Morgoth's return the foul creatures of the world had come out to play once more. Orcs, balrogs, rumors of the dragons… Everyone avoided the very north like the plague and yet most of the cities had been set up _in the north_. They were practically on Morgoth's doorstep so it was their own fault if they were brought to ruin in my opinion.

So I wandered around the earth alone and I preferred it that way; at least it was better than being in constant danger. Or at least I _thought_ it was. I was somewhere between Estolad and Himlad when my entire life turned around. It was the closest I had gotten to the north in a while and even though I knew I should never have gotten that close I couldn't help it. There was something that was pulling me that way. I had just gotten through the woods of Nan Elmoth but when I was about to step away from the shelter of the trees I had an uneasy feeling as if someone were watching me.

I shook it off after a moment as I had silently cast a spell to check my surroundings for other life forms but found nothing unusual. The day was overcast and I hoped it wouldn't start raining before I found some other shelter I could stay at for the night. I was just debating going back to the trees I had left when a sudden wind picked up and I froze. It wasn't a natural wind, it was created as an effect of someone approaching by using powerful magic. I was experienced enough to know that and also that it definitely wasn't someone I wanted to see especially in this region.

I knew I wasn't going to outrun magic, I would be an idiot to even try it. So instead I slowly drew my sword and waited, ready to fight whomever it was if necessary. There was a flash of light behind me and I spun around to see my foe standing across from me. Without really even checking to see who it was I had reacted and brought my sword around only to have it crash against another. I hadn't been aiming to actually hit the person, just have them at sword point but the fact that they blocked it was enough to get my attention. My gaze lifted and locked on eyes I recognized from long ago.

Deep sapphire blue eyes… He wasn't dressed as a royal being anymore, more as someone ready for war in black armor. His black hair still fell across his shoulders the same way but he no longer had handsomely tanned skin. It was now a pale-grey colour… Almost dead looking. The more I looked the more I realized how much he had changed just like I had since departing Valinor. It wasn't just his skin tone but also his hair and eyes themselves. His hair was no longer as silky or shiny as it had been and it looked darker. As for the eyes? They were such a dark blue at that point they almost appeared black in certain lightings.

All in all he looked to me like a man who had been through hell and back which was probably true in more ways than one. On the other side of my sword though he looked like the most deadly thing I could ever face and that was true but it didn't mean I wasn't going to at least try in that moment. There was _no_ way I was going without a fight. It didn't matter that he could end me with a simple flick of the wrist or snap of the fingers; I wasn't scared. I was probably the only one who honestly was never afraid of him. I was never afraid of Morgoth. I refused to be another victim or another slave of his. Never would I be his servant of my own free will; that I was sure of. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction of winning.

He pushed me back off of his sword and I took a few steps back, only continuing to stare at him. "I recognize you Maia." He stated thoughtfully as if he were trying to recall a distant memory. I shook my head and moved forward to send a rapid succession of blows at him but he blocked them all easily as if I hadn't done anything. "Tunel was it? Or perhaps you would like to tell me your real name this time and what you're doing here." He didn't phrase it as a question because he was more expecting me to answer and I did, just not the way he would have liked.

"I'm not anyone important." I answered seriously. It was only the second time I ever talked to him but for some reason I was finding that this time I could lie with no issues at all. "As for why I'm here… Well that's no important either." I tried to attack him again but really what was I hoping for? This was Morgoth, not some simple minded idiot. I could have imagined it but I swore he rolled his eyes at my attempt to fight right before answering my hits with his own. The tip of his sword cut down on my arm, leaving a sizable gash there; not enough to do any serious harm I noted. His curiosity was what kept him from automatically killing me.

"Oh now I don't think that's true." Morgoth stated calmly. "The fact that you're not trembling with fear right now and keep trying to attack me in vain says that. So we can either do this the easy way where you just tell me what I'd like to know or I can torture it out of you. I'm feeling generous today so I'll let you pick." I said nothing but after a moment I suddenly hurled a large ball of black flames his way. He simply raised his hand and they never reached him, going to the sides of an invisible barrier he had created. I kept my magic going with small hopes that maybe something would come of it but all that did was make my body start shaking from the force behind it.

Morgoth flicked his wrist and a noise like a small explosion ripped through the air while I was thrown backwards at the same time. I rolled across the ground for a few feet until I had slid to a stop feeling rather shaken up now. Nonetheless, I forced myself up and staggered to my feet with a glare. "I must say… You display an impressive amount of strength both in magic and physically." He nodded and his expression said he really meant it. "But unfortunately you're also stubborn and that I don't like quite as much." He gave another lazy flick and this time I was wrenched off my feet to soar over his head and crash to the ground behind him.

A yelp of pain left me on impact but I still managed to get up again. "I'm not… I'm not telling you anything." I panted. "And I'm not giving up without resisting first." I dropped my sword and used both hands to send magic at him. Wave after wave of fire first and while he was occupied with that I started raising large boulders from the earth to hurl at him. The first one hit his shoulder as he hadn't seen it coming but the second one he blasted apart with a frown. The chunks flew back at me and I couldn't form a shield fast enough before they reached me. I felt them cut my face, neck, hands, and part of my chest all over one right after the other.

I dropped to the dirt in order to avoid the rest and grabbed my sword before hopping up once more. I just barely raised my sword in time to block Morgoth's. He locked the blades and I clenched my jaw as I fought to stay upright but his brute strength won out, sending me to a knee. "I suppose I'll be taking you in then." Morgoth said. At the same time that he gave me a rough shove he allowed one of his hands to roam and stick a knife into my ribs. A yell tore from my throat but I tried one last desperate attempt at winning or at least getting away by unlocking our swords and dropping to roll away. I got about a foot before a strong hand grabbed me by the collar and hoisted me up.

"Nice try." Morgoth declared quietly by my ear. "But I think it's time we head to Angband, don't you?" He took my weapons with very little effort and then put me in a headlock so tight I couldn't breathe. A cloud of shadows surrounded us and when they cleared we were standing somewhere entirely different. I couldn't see what was waiting ahead of us because Morgoth was dragging me backwards down a cobblestone bridge, farther and farther away from a grassy field that I knew was the only route to freedom. I could hear screeches of creatures I recognized to be orcs, great puffs of steam and smoke rose on other side of the bridge, and red glows of a fire were here and there.

There were posts placed at intervals with large iron cages hanging from them above us. "I thought I would let you see the outside at least once before entering." Morgoth stated cheerfully. I couldn't get a proper foothold on anything with the pace he kept so I was nearly falling down the whole time. "You won't be seeing it again for a very long time I'm afraid. Maybe even never if you don't comply." Wonderful. A flock of crows drifted across the sky as though they were a welcoming procession. That was the last thing I remember seeing before a looming archway rose up around us, I heard the creaking of the gates being opened, and I entered Angband for the first time in my life.

The dark engulfed us and once we were safely over the threshold I saw a pair of orcs closing the gates securely again. That was probably the time to start mentally panicking but I found that difficult to do while I was trying not to crash and burn. Hordes of orcs all sizes and shapes came out of the shadows to follow us with their shuffling walks, tilting their heads curiously at me as we went. I wouldn't have been bothered by it if I couldn't see some of them looking me directly in the eye. Above I could see iron chandeliers with candles melting in their sockets. They were too far away to give off any real light though.

"The first person I would like you to meet is a very loyal servant of mine. I could never have asked for better honestly." Morgoth was informing me as if we were about to become a trio of best friends like the evil three musketeers or something. "I'm sure he'll enjoy getting me the information you refuse to yield." My eyes roamed over the hallway as I didn't want to answer him. Everything appeared to be made of black marble and it was all sculpted to perfection. We were gradually going on a downwards slope until another heavy set of black doors was pulled back and I was dragged into the throne room miles below the earth. "I've brought you a friend."

"Welcome back my lord." A voice that was too familiar said. I frowned right before my eyes widened in alarm as I was jerked around and thrown to the floor. I swallowed back another cry of pain when the knife still embedded in my side was twisted and sent deeper from my fall. So what really came out of me almost sounded like a strangled whimper… Real brave Halon. When I forced my head off the ground it was to see patches of blood there. "Oh my… This _is_ a surprise my lord. As it turns out… He is indeed a _friend_." I recognized it now and squeezed my eyes shut with dread seeping through me until I found the courage to look up and confirm my thoughts.

"Mairon…"


	10. Chapter Eight: Sauron

Chapter Eight: Sauron

There he was, standing right in front of me. His orange hair was sleek and well kept, still falling in graceful waves around his shoulders but straight at top, perfectly framing his narrow face. He still had the smooth tan skin and dark eyebrows over bright fiery eyes that shone in the dark. The only thing that had really changed was his outfit and the way he looked at me. His eyes were cold and calculating but a smirk rested on his lips knowing I was exactly where he wanted me. He wore garb that emphasized his servitude of Morgoth with a theme of dark colours. He gave a short chuckle in answer to my voice and knelt down before me, grabbing my chin and forcing me to meet his eyes.

"It's Sauron now, actually. My, don't you look worse for wear Halon?" Over his shoulder I saw Morgoth walk by with interest showing clearly on his face. My gaze flickered back onto Sauron's and I swallowed hard because I knew all in a single moment what this meant for me. Sauron most certainly wasn't someone I knew or liked and I was sure he wouldn't ever offer me friendship again while I defied his master. I had been caught and the hunt was over. One look in his eyes and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to give me up and that was exactly what he did…

I glared right back and finally snapped to my senses, jerking my head out of his grasp. "Tell me _Sauron_ , when did you throw away freedom for slavery?" His smile twitched but he made no reaction to my comment even though I could tell he wanted to. My voice dropped nearly to a whisper, "Say what you will but I am _never_ going the same way you did. If I have to sell my soul to make sure that doesn't happen then so be it but I won't succumb to the darkness like you did." His mouth opened to give out a little puff of air as he tilted his head curiously to the side with a new smile forming.

"Is that so? Well… I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." He got to his feet with my eyes following him and as he walked backwards away from me he began to narrate. I had gotten myself to my knees by this point but my body was shaking too much to get any further. "You see my lord… Halon here used to live with me in the same house back across the sea in Valinor." My gaze flickered onto the Dark Lord and I could have sworn for a moment pain flashed through his eyes… "We were the only two Maiar in a house full of elves, isn't that right Halon? He never did get along with them much so to me it's no wonder he ended up here somehow."

I closed my eyes at the jibe but he kept going. "Now here's the thing… Halon isn't your regular undead being, oh no he's quite special." I could feel myself shaking my head and could picture his smirk as clearly as if I was really looking. "The reason Halon and I lived together and stayed close together -relatively isolated from everyone else- was because we're actually not so different." I could hear the glee in his tone as he finished off the thought. "Halon, like me, belongs to you my lord." My eyes finally opened again only to see Sauron positively quivering with excitement and Morgoth watching me with raised eyebrows of surprise.

"Now this _does_ change things, doesn't it?" The northern king asked thoughtfully. "I understand now why you seemed so familiar to me the first time we met _Halon_." I cringed when he said my name because it sounded like he was eating it, trying to taste every little sound the letters made. "It's because, believe it or not, if your hair was longer you could almost pass for a son or brother of mine." He definitely wasn't comparing me to King Manwe or, for that matter, his real son whom I had met so long ago. I vaguely wondered what had happened to Cluna and then realized I didn't want to know.

I almost made a smart comment about how if I had longer hair I could pass as Morgoth himself and take over but caught myself in time to not say it. I could tell they both had questions but Morgoth was the first to ask the most prominent one. "I'm curious… I never knew you as my second Maia in Valinor (you clearly hid that well) and so far you've shown to be about as opposite of me as possible. So why exactly did you cross the sea and come to this land?" If the situation had been very different I wouldn't have told them. However, as I knelt on the floor of the throne room and looked up at the pair of dark lords I knew I wasn't going to escape Angband for anything so while I was there I may as well get through the truth.

I was finding it hard to breathe let alone talk with the knife still lodged in my ribs. As a result, my voice was dry and hollow when I used it. "I left to escape trial with the Valar." I stated quietly and even Sauron couldn't suppress his shock. I met their eyes with a dead stare, "I was brought before Manwe in chains because I murdered three innocent people." After a pause I raised my eyebrows, unamused, "And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the sensation of sinking my dagger into an elf's gut and making him suffer. I enjoyed making some of them pay for the hell they had put me through. I can't exactly say that I regret it either. Not anymore."

"You?" Sauron's voice asked after a stretch of silence. My eyes were drawn to him but I was aware of Morgoth still staring at me in absorbed silence. "You killed someone?" I gave him a look to ask if that was really so surprising and his smile vanished. "I knew you were a dark little bastard, but murder? I didn't think that was quite your style Halon." I rolled my eyes at him and his eyes narrowed while Morgoth's mouth twitched.

"What can I say?" I leaned back on my heels and smiled sarcastically at my old nemesis. "I'm full of surprises." He rolled his eyes right back and I took the opportunity to get up all the way. Morgoth's frown intensified with my actions and Sauron too looked surprised I managed. I looked down and took a deep breath, grabbing the hilt of the knife and pulling it slowly from my side. Crimson blood dripped off the metal and more slid freely from the hole in my body as its barrier had been relieved. I hummed lowly and pressed my free hand against the burning wound. When I lifted my now scarlet stained hand, the hole was gone. The only clue that it had existed was the blood I had lost and my ripped clothing.

"Well that was tedious…" I chose that moment to let out my sass and sarcasm because I was no longer literally beneath them. "Have you got a place where I can wash up? Wouldn't want your knife to be forever stained now would we?" Then I showed that I really just didn't care by wiping myself and the knife off on my already torn shirt and coat. They were already ruined so what was a little more blood on them? Especially considering it was my own blood. If it had been someone else's I would have asked Sauron if I could use his sash to get clean.

"No one important indeed…" Morgoth murmured and I shrugged nonchalantly. He could say and do what he wanted because the longer I stood there the less I cared what might go down. I figured that if this was to be the last night of my life then why spend it worrying and in fear? Why give up and bow down to what I had been fighting since day one? I wasn't going to live my last moments in fear when really there was no point to being afraid. Then Morgoth raised his voice, "Sauron take our new arrival to have some fun." Then he turned away and walked further into the hall without another word.

Sauron walked forward and grabbed my arm with such force I was sure he was trying to break it. I stumbled a few feet as I was yet again being forced to move backwards and finally I'd had enough to the point of wrenching my arm free and turning to face my guard as we had stopped moving. The doors to the throne room closed behind us and I glared freely at Sauron. It was then that our feud began and it was always this way whenever Morgoth wasn't around or wasn't looking. "I can walk for myself thanks." I stated, just barely keeping the anger out of my voice. "And what kind of fun is he talking about? I doubt anything in this place could ever be _fun_." Sauron scowled at me but at least he said something, even if it wasn't to answer my question.

"I think you'll find that it's a wise decision not to ask questions here Halon. Especially when you're new to the fiery pits and dark chasms." I cocked one eyebrow at him but he wasn't done yet. "You're lucky you got out of that with just a conversation. So if I were you I would do as told and keep your mouth _shut_. Understand?" Well, well, someone was certainly touchy. "And you won't be walking on your own. Not until Lord Morgoth decides you can be trusted entirely which won't be for a while I'm afraid." To make his point even more clear he gave his fingers a delicate flick and chains snaked up around my wrists. "Come."

"What if I simply choose not to?" I retorted. He tried to start walking, holding onto the long chain like a leash but I hadn't moved; causing him to stagger. "I have my own feet and I'm definitely not taking orders from you." He turned slowly on his heel to give me a face which said if I knew what was good for me I wouldn't argue. "I don't care what you might do if I disobey. Seriously, if you think I'm afraid of you then you're very mistaken. Get used to disappointment because I'm afraid that's all you'll get from me."

"Look… We can do this two ways. The easy or the hard way. Now which is it going to be?" Sauron asked testily. I made a face and he glared. "Fine. The hard way." I didn't have time to ask what the hard way was before I found out that it was quite literally hard as it hit me over the head. The hit was so strong that I blacked out almost instantly and later figured it was lucky I didn't have a shattered skull. As it was I did get a good bash from it as blood matted up in parts of my hair down to the hairline. When my eyes snapped open I was laying on my side and my head was positively throbbing enough to split.

Wherever I was it was hot. Extremely hot. Orange light tainted with reds and yellows danced off the floor, walls, and ceiling of a supposed box I was in. I could feel heat radiating all around me and a dull vibration coming from the floor. A grunt forced its way out of me when I put my hands on the floor and pushed myself up only to fall against the right wall. It was all the same black marble I had seen in the above chambers but instead of a door or fourth wall, there was just a row of iron bars keeping me in.

The humid air was filled with hazy steam and smoke, making it very hard to breathe let alone think straight. For a moment my vision blurred in and out while my head spun and spasmed with pain. That wasn't the only thing that was in pain though. My ribs felt severely bruised, my whole body shook all over, and I was still covered in my own blood from earlier (though I was sure I sustained several new cuts as well). I swallowed on a dry throat and shuffled forward to the bars, gazing out at the area I was being held in. The combined steam and smoke was rising from grates placed around an empty stone fountain that was crowned with a tarnished statue of a broken elf.

The flickering light that bounced all around came from the grates too. When I looked up I could see more around the ceiling that light was spilling from to join the rest. From what I could gather of the sounds and sights, I was placed somewhere between two forges. My hands wrapped around the bars of my cell and I frowned at the quiet seemingly unguarded prison. The iron was scorching and I could feel my skin stinging in protest to my grasp but I wouldn't let go. I was too focused on the fact that nothing was happening and no one was around to make sure any prisoners stayed put. Surely Morgoth wasn't stupid enough to leave me alone like this?

My eyes scanned the place again and I decided to take a risk by calling out, "Hello?" I didn't think there was anyone there though and the forges were too loud for anyone inside to hear me. I looked towards the ceiling again and was suddenly filled with an unexplainable yet burning anger that overcame me until I was glaring and yelling up, "Is this some kind of a trick Morgoth? A test or challenge perhaps?" That was exactly what it was but I didn't figure that out until later. "I know you're listening you bastard!" By that point I was so done that I didn't even care what Morgoth might do if I insulted him.

"It's no use shouting, save your voice. And you can stop doing that..." Someone called wearily back as I tried to break open the bars. I was startled but pressed myself up against the bars to see who had spoken to me. "If you think we haven't already tried that you'd be sorely mistaken." That was when I noticed a couple of elves, a male and a female, sitting in a cell together across the hall from mine. The girl was sitting against the wall; dirty, bruised, and worn with tangles of brown hair in her face. The man looked worse but at least he was standing. It made me wonder how I looked in that place but honestly I didn't want to know upon seeing the two of them.

"How long have you been here?" Was the first thing I inquired of them. They glanced at each other then looked at me with expressions that clearly said they didn't know. I sighed and tried something easier in a softer tone, "What are your names?" For a moment they both hesitated and I didn't blame them; they didn't know who I was or if I could be trusted. For all any of us knew one of the three could be a spy for Morgoth trying to glean any and all information they could. They looked at each other again and must have decided by silent communication I was alright because the man stepped forward and spoke first.

"Endril."

"Avanna," the girl said quietly in a cracked voice. Endril shot her a worried look and I understood why as soon as I heard that voice. She both looked and sounded weak… That wasn't a good sign. There was no light in her eyes, they were dead and cold. She had given up hope whereas Endril still had some old fire burning behind his irises. They were the first prisoners of Morgoth I ever met and I was never going to forget them. In that moment I was seized by a desire to help them at all costs. Maybe I deserved to be locked up in here where I couldn't do any harm to the end of my days as I kept refusing to yield to Morgoth, but those two… What had their lives been outside of this place? How many people cared and wondered where they had gone and what had happened to them?

"I'm Halon." I answered after a small pause and they both inclined their heads. "Now I think we can all agree on the fact that we need to get out of here, yes? And we're going to have to work together in order to accomplish that." Both of them stared at me in silence as if I was suggesting they go try and take down Morgoth single-handedly without any means of defense. I frowned when my sight landed on Avanna once more, "Can you walk?" She hadn't moved the entire time, not even a twitch, and I saw why when her knees straightened and her legs fell away from her stomach which was softly protruding. I felt a pang as she clambered to her feet with the help of Endril.

"With difficulty, but yes." She answered quietly. "As you've no doubt noticed, I'm pregnant." Now it was my turn to stare incredulously at her as she bit her lip and her eyes turned sad. "My husband doesn't even know… I was taken before I even found out." I swallowed again, ready to feel at least some sympathy for her, but her sadness was overcome by fierce determination within seconds. "If I have to fight my way out to get back to him then I will. It's time we've gotten out of here." Her attitude surprised me but it was good; she was going to need that.

I gave a nod because what she said was another thing we could all agree on. Angband, or any prison for that matter, was no place for a baby to be born or raised. "Besides, I have my brother to help me." She looked at the elf beside her and smiled nervously while he nodded and gave her hand a squeeze. For some reason her revival and newly sparked hope was affecting me too. My thoughts changed and I was starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, we really were going to get out of this. It was the first time an elf ever made me feel sure of something and it was definitely the last time too.

"Great!" I stated, trying to keep any sarcasm out of my tone. I was trying to sound like her brother helping was actually nice but the fact that they were siblings also raised the danger. They wouldn't part easily and their will to stick together and protect one another could very possibly lead to all three of our deaths. "Now let's get out of here." Their expressions changed to doubt as fast as flipping a coin as they thought all was lost already; there was no way out. I on the other hand wasn't an elf and I had many ways of escaping from situations like this.

I sincerely hoped the cell wasn't magic proofed or else we really wouldn't be getting out and escaping. So it was with a deep breath and great anxiety that I reached out and placed my hands on the iron bars containing me once more. My skin began to burn but at the smallest touch, the iron simply vanished into thin air. The two elves gave startled exclamations and pushed themselves against their confinements as they watched me. I was careful not to step out of the cell before testing for enchantments and curses; extra security that couldn't be seen. When I detected nothing my mind was instantly suspicious and the first thing that crossed it was _'this is too easy'_. I doubted it was ever as easy as this for others to get out of Angband. So what was Morgoth playing at?

I further confirmed there wasn't a magical barrier when I took a cautious step out of the containment. Considering I hadn't been blasted to bits or turned into a mouse (been there, done that in the future; long story) that was great but it made me even more wary. I felt very naked as I meticulously stepped out and looked around. I was able to see the full prison now, it was perfectly round. When nothing came hurtling out to attack me I let out a long breath I'd been holding back and hurried over to the cell of my companions. Their bars vanished as mine had and I extended a hand to Avanna to help her down, finding her touch surprisingly soft and gentle. "Do you know the way out by any magical chance Halon?"

"You'd be surprised," I answered calmly but wearily and she raised her eyebrows questioningly. "I know, I'm full of surprises which can't be shared right now. Perhaps another time should we encounter each other again and happen to have a tea party. All you need to know right now is that I have very powerful and dangerous magic but I'm your best (and only) chance of getting out of this place alive." The two exchanged glances before nodding as if to confirm something and that was enough for me. "Wonderful. Come along."

Together we crossed the hall and I instinctively reached for my sword when we were halfway across but rolled my eyes upon closing my hand over thin air. We reached the doorway at the opposite end of the hall and I looked back at the elves to see them clearly for the first time. Avanna with her mess of unkempt brown hair had bright green eyes and dirty tanned skin. She must have been truly beautiful before entering Angband's dungeon because she still had a faint glow about her despite all she had been through. Her brother had the same eyes but his hair was a much lighter, almost red brown. Both had a proud air to them as all elves do and for a moment I was glad they were elves and not human. They were more determined and willing to get out.

"Ready?" I asked quietly and they nodded with grim but set expressions. So I turned and took the first step into the corridor outside. It was so much darker than the room had been with the only light coming from torches that flickered gloomily along the walls. I checked both ways and stayed absolutely still and silent for a moment, "Alright…" I said quietly, "It's clear." They stepped out after me, something that was a little hard for Avanna to do and I could understand that because she must have been at least seven months along. She was going as fast as possible with Endril helping and her persistence was all that mattered.

"Keep close to the walls, stick to the shadows, and whatever happens for the love of Iluvatar do what I tell you." I gave them a look that said I was dead serious and they shouldn't question my judgement at all during this time. "It is of the utmost importance you follow my commands no matter how bizarre they might seem because right now they are going to save your life. Understand?" Now I gave them a hard glare as if I was daring them to go against me and try to get out without my help. I may not have lived in Angband before or been there long but I understood enough about the creatures from Melkor's first capture that I could deal very easily with them and tell others how to survive around such things.

"Of course," Endril said firmly. "Lead on." We shared an understanding in that moment and a mutual respect grew between the two of us as I nodded back. Had the situation have been different I might have been surprised that he so readily accepted my demand and his willingness to follow me and risk leading his sister into further harm. They were placing an incredible amount of faith in me. I turned my attention to the hallway again, double checking the clear path and starting to walk. Yet again I was relieved that nothing jumped out with a sword but at the same time it was worrying me. In a fortress full of orcs and other foul creatures, where were Morgoth's forces to stop us? We were practically going free.

Every step I took I was expecting a trap of some sort but still… Nothing. It was more concerning than if we had been facing a hundred orcs. I walked quickly and carefully with the elves following me with a good pace and in silence which was perfect. I had never been more thankful for the light gait of their kind before that evening. Well of course good things never last for me and nothing can ever just be easy can it? Nothing. My suspicions turned out to be correct that there was something waiting for us eventually but I wished very much to have been wrong for once.

There came a time that I turned a corner only to lead us straight into a group of orcs gathered in the corridor. The stunted beings looked up and screeched upon seeing us, raising their jagged weapons to attack. On instinct I raised my hand and with a loud _bang_ and a small flash of light, several of them went flying backwards with much squealing and twitching. They landed with hard thuds and slid across the floor, knocked out cold. The first orc to recover from the shock of our arrival charged at me with a spear raised and I just barely had time to slash my hand in an uppercut so that its head snapped backwards with an audible _crack_ that shattered the stillness.

The rest of them were already practically on top of me by that point. They couldn't get to Avanna and Endril no matter how hard they tried because I had snapped my fingers an invisible bubble rose up around them, acting as a shield. Again my hand traveled to my sheath only to find it empty so that a curse left me. When I looked up it was only to drop to the floor as an axe soared over my head and imbedded itself in the wall where I had been seconds prior. "Whoa!" I exclaimed in alarm. My leg swung around and knocked the orc off his feet but I couldn't do anything else as a scaly hand wrapped around my throat and lifted me up, slamming me against the wall.

I kicked out and hit the orc holding me with my free hand as the other grappled with the orc's to try and free me but it wasn't working too well. "Get… _off_." I choked and to my surprise the orc actually did let go. It let out a terrible shriek, holding up its hand as its flesh was burning away before its eyes. I was just as surprised as the orc until I looked down at my hand that had been fighting with his that is. My own skin was burning but in a very different way. My skin was pink and raw looking while steam rose from my palm slowly and leisurely. I couldn't examine it too long though (or my unexpected and uncontrolled use of magic) as the rest of the group moved forward to attack.

One got a sharp elbow in the ribs and back, another a painful punch in the face. I knew it was painful because I had hit so hard my knuckles actually split and started to bleed while his nose broke. I clenched my jaw to ignore the sting and put the creature in a headlock. With a sharp twist his head jerked the other way and his neck snapped cleanly in two. I scooped up his dagger and drove it into the remaining orcs I had stunned so they too collapsed and joined the litter of corpses in the corridor. The last one fell with its mouth agape in a hideous snarl; eyes wide and staring.

I was breathing heavily and subconsciously massaged my throat, tightening my hold on the orc's blade I had taken. My heart pounded in my ears and my eyes were drawn to the black blood staining the metal in my hand. It was the first time I had killed since leaving Valinor… I felt calm, at ease. It sickened me… That was when I became aware of the two elves I had been leading, still standing there in the protective box I placed around them. Their faces were shocked and as their eyes slid over the bodies I suddenly felt something very different like I was uncomfortable of the attention they turned upon me with my bloodstained hands.

I snapped my fingers again and together they shifted as if they had been frozen in place and I was freeing them from it. "We have to keep moving." I announced as if nothing had happened at all. The siblings only kept staring at me and I felt my impatience growing. "Do you want to get out of here or stay until more orcs show up? They're going to have to switch guard shifts eventually and I for one don't want to be around to watch that." They snapped out of it and we set off down the hall again on our way out of the dungeons. Only this time it seemed now that we'd encountered one patrol outside our cells somehow the others new exactly where we were too. There was no end to the number of groups we crossed along the way.

Every time I was the one who attacked and fought for a way through while most times Endril kept back to protect his sister but sometimes he did join me. There was one time where Avanna herself surprised me. Two orcs grabbed hold of my arms and forced them back while another readied a javelin to throw into my chest. Only when he drew back his arm he suddenly dropped the weapon and choked with a curved blade sticking out of his chest. The orc fell with a thud and revealed a rather shaken looking Avanna there. I took the surprise of the other orcs to my advantage and wrenched myself free, knocking their heads together hard enough to crack their skulls.

I turned to the she-elf with raised eyebrows, "Where did that come from?" She didn't strike me as the type who could kill even if her life depended on it, let alone _my_ life. She shook her head slowly and I placed a hand on her shoulder, "Well in any case thank you. I'm afraid that I would be worse than dead if not for you." She gave a weak smile as I let go and bent down to retrieve 'my' knife once more. Avanna had definitely surprised me and shown to be useful if the need was dire but even so… I should have been more careful and kept a more watchful eye on the elves following me into nothing. "Come on."

By some miracle we got out of the prisons of Angband but not so miraculously we came out through a door that led directly into the throne room. Which of course, that just so happened to be exactly where Sauron was, leaning over a table and concentrating hard on several pieces of parchment. His orange flickering eyes rose when our trio made an appearance and he straightened up, looking faintly amused about something. "Halon! It's about time you made it." My chest heaved from heavy breath and I did something incredibly stupid by looking around to make sure he wasn't talking to someone else.

" _What_?" I asked in disbelief while his eyes and smirk told the whole story. It had all been one huge set up, a trick; and I had been stupid enough to fall for it. He had intended for me to find a way out of my confinement and fight through various forces just to get back here at square one. The first thing that leapt into my mind was Endril and Avanna, making me spin around only to see they were no longer with me. I turned to face Sauron again and tightened my hold on the dagger while growling out, "Where are they?"

He looked up, frowning in confusion before it dawned on his face. "Oh the elves? They weren't important, they've been disposed of." My gut twisted into knots and for the first time in my life I really felt like I had failed. I had set those elves free and given them hopes of returning to freedom only to have that taken away in a single moment and for them to be led lord knows where. In this place it could be anything really and if Sauron was behind it, it was safe to say nothing pleasant was happening to them. _If_ they were still alive that is. "Your valiant little effort was pointless. True, I wasn't expecting that from you, it was a nice twist, but it was in vain."

I closed my eyes, bent my head, and ran my hands through my hair with the knife coming dangerously close to scalping me in the process. "Dammit…" I breathed and began shaking my head. To my horror my eyes stung and blurred with actual tears from frustration and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I forced them back and dared to meet Sauron's gaze again, "They weren't important? Then why keep them here in the first place? They had families who cared about them, people who wanted them back. For Iluvatar's sake the girl was going to have a child!" I stated with anger getting clearer and clearer in my tone. "Have you _no_ pity?"

Sauron looked truly thoughtful until he said, "Are you sure you're the real Halon? Honestly, since when have you cared about _pity_? You of all people… You'll soon learn pity is something that will get you killed here. It's best you leave it alone and move on Halon or else you're going to regret it. Besides, from what I've heard you are the _last_ person allowed to speak of showing remorse or compassion to anyone. Think of it this way… The elves vanished from their homes a long time ago so their families have had a long time to get over it. If they really wanted those two back where were they all those years ago to stop them from being taken? Where were they a few minutes ago to stop them being recaptured? Or where are they now right as family is going to be killed?"

"You-" I had, idiotically, tried to take a run at him. All he had to do in order to stop me was give his hand a lazy flick and turn back to whatever he had been studying beforehand. I was thrown backwards into a wall and chains snaked their way up my body as they sprang to life, holding me in place. "Release me you bastard or so help me-" His chuckle cut me off. Maybe it was because of the name I had called him or it might have been because of the threat I never got to finish. It certainly wasn't the last time I called him something ranging from a bastard to a bitch. It got me into trouble a few times but honestly I didn't care because they were all true.

"Really Halon? You'll have to try much harder than that you know. Foolish and reckless actions won't get you far. Use your head. Though not literally if you please, the floor was just polished." He commented in a dry voice. "Now if you wouldn't mind being quiet until I finish this, then we can catch up for old time's sake." Was he being serious? If I hadn't been there in person I wouldn't have believed _Sauron_ had said that. Believe me that if you've only ever heard stories of Sauron the real him was drastically different and not in a good way.

I thought for a moment, eyes scanning the hall for any and all possible escape routes. "Alright then let me ask you this… How long were you working for Morgoth in Valinor?" Sauron didn't even twitch to show he had heard me. Clearly he meant it when he said he was going to finish whatever he was working on before bothering to talk to me. I couldn't help rolling my eyes in annoyance because was it really _that_ hard to answer a simple question while doing something? It's called multitasking. Honestly. When he finished his work, Sauron gave another small flick of the wrist and everything vanished from the table.

When he turned around and saw me still pinned to the wall he seemed momentarily surprised, "Oh you're still here." He commented offhandedly and I let my head fall to the side with an incredulous expression. "I think you know when I started working for him. My turn." He folded one arm over his middle while his other elbow rested against it, a hand poised gracefully under his chin as if I was a fascinating subject to be studied. "How exactly did you get out of Valinor and not thrown into the Void or worse?" I sighed and he shook his head, "You aren't getting out of this Halon. Now answer me. Or do I have to come over there and force it out of you?"

"I'd love to see you try." I muttered, which was exactly the wrong thing to say. He was within inches of me in seconds and when I say inches I really mean he was _way_ too close for comfort and far past the personal space distance. I should have known he was going to take my comment seriously and actually see it as a sort of challenge rather than just a bored remark. He looked about ready to put a hand at my throat and start choking me but not before I said, "Sauron… If you wouldn't mind, I've got this thing I like to call a bubble. You are in my bubble. In other words; get out. Please."

He huffed, "You aren't in any position to make the demands Halon. So I suggest you keep the snide remarks to yourself and simply answer my questions. Unless of course you want to become a new wall decoration that is?" Classy, real classy. "I'll ask you again; how did you leave Valinor free of punishment?" I considered lying to him for a moment but upon further reflection I knew that would be incredibly idiotic and only result in my inevitable torture and (possibly) death. So instead I went for the full and honest truth. The problem with people like Sauron was that they wanted everything to be elaborate and detailed or else it wasn't worth the time and was a lie. It therefore didn't surprise me much that he didn't believe a word I said.

"The Valar were distracted by the Darkening and when I attempted to escape and stop it they tried to hold me back. Something happened, my magic built up inside me until it wouldn't be contained anymore and suddenly I was free. I sent myself to the Trees but was only there a few seconds before whatever spell Morgoth had cast sent me out just as fast… Once the light went out I knew there was nothing left for me but eternal imprisonment and really, which would you choose? Being locked up or trying to have a start with a new life? Although with the route I'm going I think I'd rather take that prison now, thanks." I explained simply, as if people did this every day.

Sauron shook his head doubtfully, "That doesn't make any sense…" He began slowly. "Once the Valar decide to bring someone forth for judgement they don't just let them go so easily." I opened my mouth to contradict that it _definitely_ wasn't easy getting out of Valinor but he kept going as he took no notice. "You must have done something else. A duel perhaps? Something to free you of their power without being able to use magic because we all know the chains they use are designed to prevent one from using any powers they might possess. Now tell me, how did you get away without, for example, being squashed to a pulp by Tulkas?"

"I didn't fight them each in single combat if that's what you're hoping to hear," I answered a little testily. The position I was in wasn't very comfortable with the wall digging into my back and honestly what could I do against someone like Sauron who had apparently been learning tricks from Morgoth for a while now? I wasn't exactly a threat to him so I didn't understand why he wouldn't let me down for a somewhat normal conversation. This just felt like I was being interrogated. "I told you the truth of what happened and if that's not what you wanted or were expecting well then I'm sorry but that's the way it went. I can't change that. Could you let me go now?"

He ignored my question and jumped right into his next epiphany, "But if what you say is indeed true then explain to me how… How is it that a mere, what did you call it? 'Build up' of magic was enough to break you out of the bonds that intend for the wearer not to do just that? No one, no matter how powerful, should be able to do that." I frowned at him because was he insinuating that I had help? If so I would like to shake the hand of the person who did it before punching them in the face. "To do so you would have to be more powerful than all the Valar combined and last time I checked Halon, you were not."

"Thanks! Your faith in me is staggering." I declared sarcastically. "Look… I can't explain what happened any more than the next person. It was just as much of a shock to me as I'm sure it was to Tulkas and the rest of them. All I know is one minute I was in chains, the next minute those same chains were in pieces on the ground and I was free. I wasn't exactly going to stay around and figure out why, was I?" Sauron considered me in silence and I knew he was agreeing with me even if he wouldn't say so. Had he have been in that situation he wouldn't have questioned either, he would have left the same as I.

"I see…" He finally said. Then he seemed to change the subject as if we had never been talking about it at all. "Well! You made it out of the dungeons which proves you at least have _some_ brains and skill." Alright that was harsh. Out of the two of us who was it that had evaded Morgoth for more than ten thousand years, basically since the beginning of time, and who was it that had survived on their own all that time? Not Sauron, that's for sure. An unpleasant smile found its way on his face but I could tell it was strained; we hated each other. "Congratulations. You've finished the first challenge and now it seems you can move onto the second."

"Challenge?" I questioned darkly. "What is this, a form of entertainment for you and your master? I'm not a toy. I'm not an object that can get tossed about from one to the next until someone gets bored and decides to pick up something new. Therefore I would appreciate you stop treating me like that and maybe try pretending I'm a living being with emotions just like you." I snapped and Sauron's eyebrows went up almost in amusement which I returned with a hard stare. "I'm serious, I mean it."

"When are you not serious Halon?" He asked with a small snort. "I don't recall ever seeing you really relax or have the least bit of fun. But enough of this! Allow me to escort you to the second challenge." By escort he meant grab my arm so that in the blink of an eye we were in a completely different room and my heart sank. If I didn't even know where I was how could I ever hope to find the way out? I was bound to run into hordes of orcs and I doubted very much that Sauron or Morgoth would just let me walk out with a smile and wave. Sauron stepped away from me and the room came into clear view, making me cringe even more.

I was still being held against a wall but just by the wrists now, heavy iron shackles clasped tightly about them. The room itself was relatively bare, with a tiny window showing a strip of the dark grey sky streaked with black and fiery reds. The only piece of furniture present was a rough wooden table at the center of the floor. It was stacked with various mechanisms (some of which I didn't know, nor did I _want_ to) with sharp points, leather ends, simple bars… Just about everything you could ever imagine a torture device to have. It didn't take a genius to know that's what they were and that this was indeed some form of a torture chamber. Wonderful.

Sauron was carefully running a hand across the objects and it actually made me nervous just seeing that. He kept his gaze fixed on the deadly weapons while addressing me. "I forged all of these you know. Some are standard," he held up a long knife to examine, "Others… Well my imagination tends to get a bit wild in the fires. I haven't had a chance to use them yet though. It seems you'll be the first to experience their results and I'll finally see how well they work." He turned to throw me a twisted grin and I closed my eyes briefly, allowing my head to fall against the wall with a dull thud.

"Great… Let me guess… Challenge two is seeing how high my pain tolerance is." I muttered in a dead voice. The growing smile of chaos on his face told it all and I exhaled slowly. "Wonderful, well then get on with it. May as well get it over with and honestly I'd rather not be kept in suspense. I give you my blessing to pick up your silly little knives and carve me out like a turkey." For once, the great Lord Sauron looked confused. I call that an accomplishment. Despite the situation I managed a grin, "Oh come on. It's a great feathered bird that people eat like chicken. You can't tell me you've never even seen a turkey." But when he still looked confused I tried to lean forward with my grin being replaced by an expression of shock, "Seriously?"

"It matters not whether I have seen a 'great feathered bird' because it's not relevant to the present. I never did like birds much and I certainly have no desire to see a… _turkey_. But you were right with one thing…" He never took his eyes off me even as his fingers curled around the hilt of a dagger and he moved closer until he could place the tip of the blade under my chin and force my head back. "People eat these birds? Well Halon, it would seem that in this case _you_ are the turkey and I the people." Sauron leaned closer and I tried to draw back because he was getting a little too close again but it's hard to go anywhere when you're chained to a wall. "I am going to _devour_ you from the inside out."

My eyebrows shot up because I really had no idea how I was supposed to respond to something like that. "You're going to- _what_?" His sadistic smirk was coming back into play, making me swallow nervously on a dry throat. "Er… I think you're going to need a bigger knife." His eyes flashed dangerously and I frowned, no longer nervous as much as I was weirdly curious. "Sauron… Are you compensating for something?" Wrong place, wrong thing to say. There was the first cut across my face. "Alright, maybe not then…" That was not the last time I made some sort of jibe about Sauron's physicality nor, in fact, his sexuality.

"Watch yourself… Or you may wind up in a worse situation than this. Consider yourself lucky I'm in a good mood today. Otherwise you may favour the orc's care over mine. Unless of course you enjoy a little rough handling now and then." He grabbed a fistful of my hair and gave it a sharp pull so I hissed. "You might be tough for now but you're my new toy Halon and I'm not done playing yet. Not until you've been broken." I shot him a glare but yet again his fiendish grin was taking hold. "Even if it takes a hundred years, I _will_ get you to submit to this eventually." Suddenly he moved forward as if he was going to whisper something to me but instead I froze before cringing…

Sauron ran his tongue up the cut along my cheek while I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to imagine myself somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else. This wasn't torture, this was just wrong on so many levels and I know for a fact I was the only being, living or dead, he ever did something like this to. I only opened my eyes when he backed up but I wished I hadn't. Sauron was licking his lips with a dark smile on his face. "If there's one thing I enjoy it's the taste of fresh blood. And yours is exquisite. We'll just have to make more won't we?" I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding when he returned to the device table and diverted his attention to finding something… _Fun_.

I somehow managed to find my voice but even so what came out wasn't exactly what I wanted to say. "You've changed alright. You turned into a downright creep." He turned his head to raise an eyebrow at me and I let out a short laugh. "Go ahead and destroy me for insulting you multiple times, I really don't care. But for the love of Iluvatar could you do it in a less bizarre and frankly disturbing way?" Naturally the answer to that was no. Just looking in his blazing orange eyes was enough to give me that answer. I then dared to ask another rather personal and insinuating question, "Tell me… Does Morgoth know how you _torture_ people?"

"My lord trusts me to get the job done. That is all." Sauron muttered, turning back to selecting something to use on me. So Morgoth didn't know… I made a mental note of that because if I ever got out of here I was going to use that as leverage. Sauron apparently had a secret (it wasn't the only one I discovered either) which he had unknowingly shown and admitted to me. Well, I obviously wasn't going to just forget about that. I was going to use it as blackmail like the evil little son of a bitch I am. "You would do well to remember that. Lord Morgoth trusts me. Something which I'm afraid you cannot say so for now you should always be on your guard."

I gave him a sarcastic smile even though he wasn't looking and said in an even more sardonic tone, "Thank you for the warning! I will certainly remember that." He slowly turned his head to frown at me with narrowed eyes but my still smile never wavered and never met my eyes. He returned to me with the same knife rather than choosing something new, but at this point I don't think he noticed. He had only one thing in mind and that was to inflict as much pain as possible upon me. Naturally that meant once he reached me the sharp blade sliced across my jawline, chest, parts of my neck, and all down my arms. When he stopped I felt the sharp sting left behind as a result of my open flesh.

He held the knife up and pressed it into my throat, his voice a low growl. "If you don't learn to control your tone and emotions you're going to get killed for it." My brow went up almost skeptically but was replaced almost instantly by an intense pain. Sauron had driven the knife into my ribs all the way up to the hilt and I had no doubt there was serious internal damage done. If my thoughts were correct, removing the weapon would be almost instant death. Figuring that Sauron must have known this too it was safe to assume he hadn't done it without purpose. He would probably just heal me and do it all over again to keep the cycle going on an endless route. It was what I would have done, and _did_ do later on.

An unprepared cry of alarm and pain left me at the instant the tip of the knife went through me. Now I was left there against the wall, hanging half limp and panting as a fine sheet of sweat formed across my skin. "Let's play a game. Let's play cat and mouse." Sauron was back at the table and this time he had selected an item I really didn't want to be subjected to. It was a leather glove with three long shards of metal coming from the top like silver claws. He slid it over his hand and turned to me as he adjusted the straps. "I'll be the cat and you can be the mouse. How does that sound?" I twitched against my chains once but stopped because I couldn't go anywhere anyway and I also didn't want to give Sauron the satisfaction of thinking I was afraid.

I stayed perfectly still as an animal surrounded by hunters might. Though, when I reflected on that comparison I realized if I was an animal _surrounded_ by hunters then I was, more likely than not, screwed. In the situation where an animal was cornered they almost always ended up dead, practically butchered alive. One thing was certain… I was never going to eat turkey ever again. Sauron stopped a few inches away and I nearly held my breath in anticipation. "Cat… Catches mouse." He stated matter-of-factly. Right before he dug the three claws into the top left of my chest and pulled them across in a diagonal line.

The metal was cold and I could feel it every moment of the way but what followed was worse. The sinews right down to my muscles were torn apart, shredded by the three razors cutting through them. I could feel my skin opening and burning slowly and torturously in Sauron's wake. Hot beads of blood slid from the gashes and rolled down to mingle with each other over what remained of my chest, accompanied by the sounds of ripping fabric. A strangled yell of agony tried to escape past my lips but I clenched my jaw tightly shut so the noise never got the chance. It remained locked behind my teeth while my eyes shut firmly as if that would make all of this go away.

"Oh you're good." Sauron's voice stated and only then did I become aware that he had stopped. "You can hold back a scream better than anyone else I've had fun with, that's for sure. I've actually never seen anyone do that like you. Interesting." My head fell forward as sweat fell into my eyes, blurring my vision. I could still make out the cuts even through the haze though. Three long gashes, deep enough to look black at their center, were crawling their way over my body. They stung so badly that I could feel natural reaction tears (being triggered by the intense pain waves) pricking at my eyes. But I refused to let them fall. Especially in front of Sauron.

His amused voice rose once again, "Perhaps you're not entirely hopeless. If you prove to be strong, if you can resist this or at least grit your teeth and bear it, well then we may make an ally of you yet." I raised my head, blinking away the mixed sweat and tears as he lifted what looked like a whip crossed with a knife up for his inspection. The whole time I was doing something I hadn't in a very long time… I was silently praying to Iluvatar that he wouldn't use that or anything else, that he would somehow decide he'd had enough for one day. I prayed just to get through this… Well, it half worked.

Sauron returned to me with an evil little smile back on his thin lips and reflected in his bright eyes. There was nothing that brought greater joy and entertainment to Sauron than torture. "I don't quite want to break you today, if I do that's a shame. I just want to pull your strings a bit and get a glimpse of what your limit might be." That was it then. I was the marionette and he the puppeteer. The chains around me were my strings and he had me exactly where he wanted me. For now, he could and would manipulate every single thing that happened to me.

"Get on with it then." I was surprised to even hear my own voice functioning and forming coherent words. I made myself look him directly in the eye to show him just how determined I was not to lose this fight even when he had the upper hand by a long shot. "Tear me apart and make me suffer. I can see that you want to and I don't blame you. I was never very friendly to you in Valinor, all I did was shut you out. So go ahead and exact your revenge on me for not listening, for being an idiot, for denying you a friendship that could have saved you from this fate." Some sort of manic anger flooded his eyes and before I knew it he had drawn back his arm and was snapping the whip across my torso blow after blow, unceasingly.

The leather was imbued with some form of steel that made the edges razor sharp; that was the knife bit. So while the whip dug into my skin and created deep welts it also formed unnatural gashes _inside_ them. I did exactly as he said I might and just gritted my teeth to bear through it. Every now and then a growling sound emitted from me due to the actual screams being withheld with every ounce of will I possessed. When Sauron finally stopped what he was doing I had almost no chest left. My shirt had been torn to pieces entirely but what had been revealed beneath it was nowhere near pretty. It was as if a child had decided to play tic-tac-toe but got distracted and started drawing scribbles all over the page instead.

The skin that had been torn was literally hanging down in shreds from my body, showing pink muscle underneath where the cuts were most deep. Crimson blood oozed from them accompanied in places by a yellowish substance I couldn't define. The marks stung so horribly that they went straight to burning with sharp twangs now and then. Sauron dropped the gadget with a dull thud and once more grabbed a fistful of my hair, wrenching my head back. Out of nowhere his fist suddenly connected with my face. White and brown spots leapt up and danced before my eyes but he wasn't done. Again and again his knuckles punched into me until I felt a sickening crack in the bridge of my nose and blood spurted from both nostrils.

When his fist met my face for the final time I heard another crack but in my jaw this time. Blood pooled around my lips and I tried very hard to keep my mouth shut but I couldn't breathe through my nose so I had no other choice. The taste of iron filled my mouth. "Not so pretty to look at now are you?" He hissed darkly. In answer I did one of the most brave but also stupid things possible. I spit out the glob of blood residing on my tongue and heard a satisfying little splat when it hit his cheek. Sauron didn't release my hair but he did very slowly raise his free hand to wipe the scarlet away with a positively murderous look.

I tried to give my own triumphant smirk but couldn't tell if it worked or not. All I could do was manage a dangerous comment, "You said you enjoyed the taste of blood and that mine was 'exquisite' so there you go. Enjoy the free give away." He looked ready to start punching me all over again for my nerve but instead he let go of me. I heard the clicking of the locks too late to catch myself before I slumped to the floor, colliding painfully with my kneecaps and surely fracturing them in the moment. I noticed him heading for the door and felt confused, "You're going to leave me here unguarded and unlocked? That's a risky move if you ask me."

He paused in the doorframe only once to look back and say in a trembling voice, "Challenge three; your daring." Then he was gone, the door swinging shut behind him with a small bang. I couldn't move. My whole body was paralyzed as everything settled over me; the reality of the situation, the pain I was in, and worse of all the realization that after thousands of years careful work, I had finally fallen into Morgoth's grasp. In the end it didn't matter how far I ran or how well I covered my tracks. He was always going to find me and I was always going to end up here. A prisoner, a slave, and eventually a fully-fledged killer. They say that Iluvatar has a plan for us all on his earth. If that was true then I must really have done something wrong or else he knew I had to go so far before I could be fixed.

The present came whirling back to me and I closed my eyes while a tiny sound close to a whimper worked itself from my throat. There was no point in hiding my agony because clearly I wasn't alright after having my chest severely ripped open. Personally I never understood really why we, as living beings try our best to hide our pain. Was it an act of defiance? By denying the feeling of hurt could we really block it out and make it less of a burden? Only for so long because some day all of those memories and moments will build up and break through the wall meant to keep them at bay. We can repress our pain for what seems a blissful moment but eventually you're forced to face those demons head on and no amount of clenching your teeth and closing your eyes will stop it. Yet we all do it anyway because pretending not to notice seems better than fighting it head on.

So as I sat there with my back to the wall I didn't try to hold back the hurt, I let it wash over me. I accepted it as one might a dear friend and I waited to heal myself. I waited because I _had_ to feel that pain, I _had_ to understand what it was because it was something neither Sauron nor Morgoth were ever going to feel and understand. If I was forced to become like them there had to at least be one of us who knew exactly what they were putting someone else through. It was this willingness to understand that got me into the most trouble. I showed too much concern, I felt too much. It really got in the way of being a psychopath, you know?

When I finally found enough courage inside myself (and yes, that's what it took) I gingerly touched my shredded skin. "Ah!" I muttered, mixed with another hiss. My hand flinched away from my torso on instinct and I didn't want to touch it but I knew that I had to if I expected anything to heal quickly and efficiently, there really wasn't much of a choice or debate. So I took a deep breath to calm myself and pressed my palm firmly against my chest despite the inner voice telling me to stop. It took almost all of my willpower to even get out the spell rather than the other sounds that wanted to escape me. I narrowed my eyes and stared at the process of my skin folding back the way it should have been and growing back in places that weren't so fortunate.

The whole thing took maybe five minutes but it felt like so much longer. I wasn't much of a healer myself… I could do the basics sure, but if you handed someone to me that was a life or death situation I wouldn't be able to save them. Needless to say it didn't really surprise me that I was left with three small scars where the deepest gashes had resided once I finished. I had gotten them to such a small size that they were hardly noticeable but there was nothing I could do beyond that. After all, it became fairly well known later that I was much better at hurting than healing. Even myself. I let my scarlet hand fall away from my chest and took another deep breath as I looked down at the rest of the blood.

I was incapable of restoring the red fluid to my body so I would have to wait until it replenished naturally by what my body was able to produce. I supposed I could only wait until it dried, I could miraculously find water to bathe, or I could just use my shirt considering it was in tatters. Of course it was then that I really remembered I had magic in the first place (I hadn't thought much of it while healing myself) and I would be able to fix my shirt easily. I shifted slowly and carefully with my back and shoulder muscles protesting against every single movement because of the strain they had just been put through minutes prior. I struggled to get the rags off my chest because the blood had already started to dry and congeal in certain spots.

Once I had removed it entirely I was able to murmur a simple spell and the fibers sprang back together, sewing up the damage until I had a perfectly functioning (albeit soaked in blood) shirt. I proceeded to clean as much of the scarlet liquid off using the repaired garment as possible. The next step was to say a drying spell and after that the only sign of what had just happened was the slightly pink colour of my skin. With a grunt I pushed myself away from the wall and forced myself onto my feet. Almost instantly I fell back against the hard surface as an overwhelming dizziness took hold and left me swaying on the spot with brown and white patches dancing before my eyes for a second time in that room. Through the slim cut in the wall that served as a window I was able to see grey sky; it must have been daylight.

The thought made me wonder for just how long I had been in Angband already. There was no telling how long I had been unconscious in the dungeons for and maybe I had actually been in this room alone for days on end. There was no way to know unless I by chance asked Sauron or Morgoth which I had absolutely no intention whatsoever of doing. Once I had gotten over my dizzy spell my feet carried me staggering across the room on shaking legs. It's really amazing what the loss of some blood can do to a person. I collided with the device table just so I could pick up a knife to defend myself with if the need arose. Then very nearly collapsed against the door once I managed to reach it. For a moment I almost considered giving up and just letting my knees go but then something else took over; a determination to get out of here.

Call it foolish for even trying but I wasn't going to risk missing an opportunity if it presented itself or if luck decided to favour me for a change. So I was somehow able to find it in myself to pull on the door handle only to have it swing open, much to my surprise. Why wasn't it locked? Sauron was either careless, a bit too confident, or else this was all part of his plan. I had no doubt the latter was indeed correct, that this was all part of 'challenge three'. My suspicions were raised by a tenfold upon glancing out to find the corridor was deserted. What had Sauron possibly meant by 'daring' if there was nothing present to test it? I expected something to drop from the ceiling or at least come running around the corner to attack me when I put so much as one toe outside the room. But there was nothing.

Still, I didn't disregard any of my caution when I exited the torture chamber entirely and revealed myself to anyone who might be watching. The only movement aside from myself came from the flickering torches placed at intervals along the dark walls. I took one step then another and still nothing arrived to challenge me. There was no way I was getting out of Angband without meeting something, that was impossible. Maybe there had been a raid I missed and the dark castle of the north had already been liberated without my knowledge. It would certainly explain as to why there was no one in sight but it still made no sense in the time frame and silence.

I wasn't going to complain about the fact that there were no orcs because I was armed with a small knife and wasn't in a good condition to fight off anything. They would probably find it entertaining just to use me for target practice; stumbling down the corridor and having to use the wall for support because I was currently unable to stand on my own. On top of all that there was the fact that I had never been to Angband before and because of that I had no idea where any of the passages led. I could have been walking straight into a death trap for all I knew because I _didn't_ know. I was on edge, tense, and on guard every time I turned a corner but I didn't need to for all the good it did.

There came a point where I turned a left corner and saw an archway at the end of the new hall. Checking the other way showed nothing in sight and I wondered if I dared go towards the open arch. It seemed too good to be true yet there it was; a very possible escape route. My natural reaction was to hesitate and be wary but so far it seemed I was able to make it through Angband undetected so why should this moment be any different? _'Because it's waiting right there for you, dumbass,'_ a voice in my head snapped. _'If it was really this easy the world would be all sunshine and rainbows.'_ Congratulations to my conscience who manages to put me off every single time. You deserve a mental medal, you really do.

I scowled at that voice and ignored it, choosing to go forth rather than risk ending up deeper in the walls of Angband. My eyes strained the closer I got to the opening and the bright greyish white light which only seemed to multiply by the second. A rush of fresh air hit me and I inhaled deeply as I passed under the opening to find myself on a gravelly mountain path. I must have been in the mountains behind the fortress now which was in the complete wrong direction from where I wanted to be but it was better than nothing I supposed because technically I could still get out by traveling through the mountains instead. I glanced back over my shoulder once but the sudden change from dark to light inhibited my ability to see if anything was following me from the darkness now.

I took the chance then and faced the mountain pass, going forward rather than back. If I could last long enough to make it over the mountains I would end up where no one had ever been before. Who knew what was north of the north? Maybe I would be the one to find out. I wouldn't mind. Yet it turned out (as always) that I wasn't going to get out of Angband so easily. Not the way I was going at least and I hadn't really been expecting Morgoth to let me go in such a careless manner. It just wasn't his style. The path I climbed wove steadily upwards and grew narrower the higher I got. My breathing became heavy and labored, my limbs trembled and were like lead. My whole body protested for me to stop and wait until I had recovered fully but my mind won over and forced me into movement.

The pass leveled out once I had gone maybe half a mile and when I had gone three more feet one side vanished and fell in a straight drop downwards. I was halfway across the small ledge when I became aware that it was a dead end. I pressed my back flat against the mountain wall and looked out at the view trying to catch my breath. I stood in a dark corner of the world but far away one could see the skies of Angband ended and those of the world began. I could see brilliant blue stretching over distant green hills and that was where I wished to be. The wind picked up and whistled around me, whispering words of encouragement though for what exactly I couldn't be sure.

I shifted on my feet and peered over the edge. It was such a long way down with nothing but jagged rocks waiting like the teeth of some monstrous creature. The fortress of Angband stood in front of them what looked a few feet but could very well have been meters or more. Would it hurt? Would it hurt to just step off the cliff and fall hundreds of feet? Or would it be so quick that I'd feel nothing… As if my thoughts held some power I had shuffled forward so I was no longer touching the mountain face but stood with my toes over the ledge and my eyes fixed below. It was really amazing that I hadn't lost my balance and fallen from that alone.

I stayed like that, perfectly still for a good minute before my mind pulled me into action without waiting for consent. I raised my head and closed my eyes, spread my arms, and leaned forward. My stomach plummeted, the wind encased me and screamed in my ears as I fell. Somehow I had turned over on the way and managed to open my eyes. The grey sky and the ledge I had just stepped off were getting farther and farther away, shrinking with each new inch I traveled. How long was it going to take before the sharp spikes below skewered me? The answer was not fast enough.

My vision was obscured by swirling black shadows and my eyes widened as they encased me until it was all I could see. My back slammed hard against a flat surface and my eyes snapped shut as a groan escaped me. "Well you certainly have daring, I'll give you that. You're an idiot though if you thought I wouldn't notice you trying to check out early." Morgoth's cold voice held a trace of amusement and I could only imagine what Sauron must have looked like. He was probably smirking at my failed attempt and the fact that I was now sprawled on the floor somewhere like a limp fish.

"As I said my lord," And there was Sauron sounding smugly satisfied about something. "He always was a bit of a rebel and dare devil. Hard to contain it's true, but he could be very useful with nerve like that." When I forced my eyes open he was crouching beside me with a smile but I didn't move anything except my eyes to give him a blank stare. "I must admit, I would never have expected that from even you Halon. I doubted you would even make it out of that room. You certainly proved me wrong didn't you?" My eyes darkened and he gave a low chuckle before standing and moving out of my line of vision again. "What should we do with him my lord?"

I tried to lift my head only to have it fall against the floor again with a dull thud. There was a pause and I probably looked, to them, like I was mentally beating myself up (which I was). So maybe trying to jump off a cliff and fall to my death wasn't the greatest option but I had to try and I had indeed. Now it seemed I would have to think of another more efficient and smart way out of here. "I think he's proven himself enough." Morgoth began carefully. "But I want a constant watch on him in case he tries to do something like this again. I don't have the time to do it myself. He is forbidden to go anywhere outside these walls until it's absolutely certain he'll cooperate…"

"Yes my lord." Sauron answered. "Shall I bring him back to the dungeons or a room since he'll be staying?" There were no other words spoken so I had no idea what was decided until they moved me. My whole body had gone numb from the impact and I couldn't so much as twitch at the moment but that didn't stop Sauron from forcefully grabbing my arm and hauling me to my feet once he came back. I winced slightly as pain flared up my spine but with a quick breath of a spell, I felt nothing again as if it had never happened. "Come Halon." The Maia next to me ordered. As he led me from the room I couldn't help glancing back briefly.

Morgoth stood before his throne watching us go with a faintly bemused expression. His brow was furrowed in concentration and he had a hand placed thoughtfully under his chin. I had no doubt he was either wondering why I had just done something as stupid as jump off a cliff or else he was pondering how to best use me in the future. The heavy doors swung shut behind us, blocking the view entirely and forcing me to face forward again. Sauron walked with a purpose but made no effort to check whether or not I was doing something else idiotic; trying to escape for example. It didn't matter though. As of right then I had no plans and I still knew nothing about Angband's structure so it would be just as pointless as before. Proper escape would take time and careful planning.

Unfortunately I was on a bit of a time limit. I didn't know how long exactly I had or even an estimate for that matter but I was wary that Morgoth might get bored and take matters into his own hands soon. If I wouldn't comply with his wishes and wouldn't even show a tiny sign of changing my mind, he might find a way to force me into servitude. I desperately didn't want that to happen but then again I was finding out that I was losing more and more control over my own life every day. Soon enough it was going to get to the point where I had no control and from that point on I would always have some other influence over me. Whether it be intentional or unintentional, direct or indirect someone was almost always somehow acting for me. That wasn't always a bad thing though...

Sauron had suddenly stopped walking in front of another, smaller, set of double doors. He turned to face me and explained before allowing me in the room. "This will be your quarters for as long as Lord Morgoth sees fit to let you stay here. You are allowed to walk around the fortress and get accustomed to where everything is but if you set so much as one _toe_ outside you will be dragged back in faster than you could call for help. If you cause any trouble, disturb any work, or bother anyone you will find yourself in a far worse situation. Do I make myself clear?" I wanted to make some snarky response but decided it was smarter to settle for a curt nod. "Good." He pushed the door open and stepped back to let me in first.

I waited for a split second just to hold his dark gaze before breaking eye contact and stepping over the threshold. The room was simple enough and I was perfectly fine with that because I had never been one much for fancy things. Really, my room in Valinor had been just as empty but this one held a few extra pieces of furniture. There was a large four poster bed made of smooth dark brown wood, red hangings, and a matching red spread. A wardrobe of the same wood was against the other wall and next to it stood a small table with a washbowl and mirror. There was a bookshelf stocked full, a table with two chairs, and one other long table that held a few candles, scrolls, and maps. An iron chandelier hung from the ceiling, dripping hot wax and casting a dim flickering light about the place. Then there was an empty fireplace standing against one wall, waiting to be used.

The temperature was relatively warm but so was the rest of Angband due to the various forges spread throughout it and hot water flowing through the walls. My eyes scanned over it quickly until I came in a full circle and found Sauron again. "And I half expected it to be an empty room full of straw." I commented only partially sarcastic. I really had been expecting something worse than this, this wasn't bad. In fact it was nice even. I had been prepared for a cold stone room with a rickety bed, possibly some chains still stuck in the walls, maybe a skeleton for some personal touch. Stereotypical dungeon prisoner things, you know? A normal and decent room made for an actually pleasant surprise for a change.

Sauron sneered at me, "I can arrange for that if you like." For the first time since setting foot in Angband (which I technically hadn't done since I was dragged in) I gave a low chuckle, much to his confusion. "You find it amusing to be treated like a dog?" I gave him a _'really?'_ look because he had absolutely zero sense of humor on his own. It took a lot to get rid of mine, morbid as it was. He narrowed his eyes as if suspecting some kind of trick but must have decided I was alright for the time being because he simply shook his head in an annoyed manner and left the room without another word. I stayed rooted to the spot for a moment or two, just gazing at the door he had closed with a small bang.

When I found it in myself to move it was only to cross the room and fall backwards onto the bed. The softness of the mattress was another surprise I thought while gazing up at the canvas top. This could not be happening... I could guess maybe a few days had gone by since my arrival and they had been incredibly long. Never ending action. It wasn't that I minded constantly doing something, it certainly kept one on their toes and it was far better than being locked in a dungeon and bored. I put my hands on my face before running them back through my hair with a sigh, "Well… Could've been worse I suppose." That was the only time I ever tried to be optimistic in Angband. Key word; _tried_.

How was I supposed to fall asleep when I was literally surrounded by enemies with no way out? There was a window I could actually see out of to guess the relative hours and I probably stayed up until near one in the morning before I accepted the fact that no one was coming to do anything to me while I slept. So I crawled cautiously under the covers, as if they might suddenly disappear, and turned onto my side facing the door. It still took roughly an hour for me to actually drift off even though my mind was still nagging me not to do that. I couldn't lower my guard so easily. Then again the other half of me said I needed sleep more than I needed to worry about possible attacks right then. That side won out eventually.

When I woke up I couldn't remember the previous night for a moment and I wondered vaguely if it hadn't all been some messed up dream. Maybe I was back in Valinor and I'd open my eyes to find myself back in the tower room. Unfortunately that wasn't the case at all and I opened my eyes instead to see the new dark walls and spacious room I would have to get used to. I closed them again with a horrible sinking feeling. "Great… Just great." I rolled onto my back and ground my jaw in frustration. "I've killed three people, fled justice, threatened a few others, and now I've landed myself in the lair of my nemesis. Good job Halon, you really did it this time."

I sat up only to fall right out of the bed because Sauron was standing at the foot of it. I sprang to my feet, instinctively reaching for my sword only to remember I didn't have it anymore. "For the love of Iluvatar, could you _not_ lurk in my room while I'm asleep?" I asked in alarm. My heart rate had gone up rather fast but I only felt anger because he didn't look sorry at all. In fact he seemed amused by my reaction and chose to ignore my request instead of being polite like normal people. I froze then as I was struck by an honestly terrifying thought, " _Why_ were you lurking in here while I was asleep?"

"For your information I wasn't lurking," He answered testily. "I just got here." Sure he did… I seriously doubted that somehow. After what I'd been through with him in the torture chamber could you really blame me for feeling the need to ask what the hell he was doing in my room at all? "Were the accommodations to your liking?" I just stood there staring at him incredulously for a good minute. He changed the subject as easily as changing a shirt, it amazed me. When the silence stretched on he raised an eyebrow at me, "Are you just going to stand there gawking at me like a fish on a hook or are you going to answer my question?"

"You have no idea how eldritch you are, do you?" He rolled his eyes at me and turned away in response. Once I'd calmed down considerably I stepped away from the four poster and tried to straighten myself out as best as possible with Sauron still in the room. He sat in one of the chairs and put his feet up on the table, examining his fingers in a bored way. I reached the wash bowl and automatically flicked my wrist for water when I saw none which didn't strike me as odd until I was about to splash the cold liquid on my skin to wake up more. I paused and tilted my head curiously at my still raised hand, slowly rotating on the spot to look at the other figure present.

He didn't even look up as he said, "Don't even try it Halon. You'll find yourself back in the dungeons with your limbs hanging by a thread faster than you could even _begin_ asking Iluvatar for help." He raised his gaze to meet mine with a dead serious face. "You're permitted to use your magic for now as a sign of trust from Lord Morgoth. The moment you abuse that privilege you land yourself back on square one. Attacking me? Well that would send you even further back than square one." After a pause he gestured for me to continue what I had been doing and I turned back just as slowly as the first time.

I scrubbed the dirt from my face and hands in a way that suggested I had some invisible disease I was trying to rid myself of. In truth I was rubbing my skin so hard because I was still trying to convince myself this wasn't all a nightmare that had taken a turn for the worse. The fact that I hadn't woken up from the rough contact confirmed it in a final way like nothing else had. I looked up and saw my reflection for the first time since leaving Valinor. Pale, thin, almost skeletal. The shadows under my eyes were a dark purple shot with blue so I appeared as one who had been punched in the face or broken a nose. It wasn't all that shocking really what with the beating I had taken over the… "How long have I been here?" I suddenly blurted the question that had been bothering me for a while.

I saw Sauron in the mirror over my shoulder shake back his hair and look at me with raised eyebrows like I had said something entirely daft. "Is that relevant?" I cocked an eyebrow in a way that clearly said _'humor me'_ and he rolled his eyes again; something I noticed was becoming quite common with him. "You've been here for a grand total of four days, this is your fifth. Why is that so important to you?" I chose not to answer him, "Oh, yes good. Go and ignore the one person who will ever tell you anything in this place."

"I wasn't ignoring you. I was admiring my own handsome face." I answered in a serious yet sarcastic tone. Right in that moment I was anything _but_ handsome. I looked like a walking corpse which was actually very possible in a place like Angband. My cheeks were sunken in a touch, my eyes were dead and dark, my hair lank and filthy… What I really needed wasn't a wash bin but a full out tub to actually bathe and get clean. Maybe something showed in my face but Sauron snapped his fingers and I spun around, ready to fight if need be but only to see an actual metal bathtub sitting in the middle of the floor.

"A bit jumpy aren't we?" He inquired coolly and I shot him a glare as well as a questioning stare. Sauron heaved a dramatic sigh, "The fact of the matter is you're absolutely filthy right now. You need to properly clean yourself, take care of that mess on your head, and then maybe we can talk like civilized beings." His statement made me wonder many things. Was there maybe some tiny little piece of him that was still Mairon in there? He may have sounded condescending but reading between the lines said he actually still cared. Back in Valinor he had developed the habit of basically making sure I stayed alive by functioning. This was no different with him telling me to take care of myself even if it was just a bath. "Well?"

I frowned at him, "What's your game Sauron?" My question apparently caught his interest because he took his feet off the table and sat forward to listen better. I shrugged nonchalantly, "You saved my life when you told Morgoth who I was even if I would rather have died there. You saw to it you got to personally torture me and watch me get through Morgoth's challenges. You've apparently been watching over me and now you're offering me a proper bath. Forgive me if this sounds impertinent but one could easily get the idea that you care."

He got to his feet and put up a finger, "Let's get one thing straight right now Halon. I do not care. I don't care whether you give into the darkness or keep being a stubborn ass. I don't care if you stay here or leave. I could care less about your state of being and it certainly doesn't matter to me whether you live or die." This whole time he had been taking slow steps closer until we were about a foot away. "Since I knew you in Valinor I've been charge with the task of recruiting you here in Beleriand. My Lord Morgoth seems to think you'll respond better to a familiar being rather than a stranger. I beg to differ but I'll respect his lordship's wishes."

For a while we just had a stare down until I couldn't help it anymore. I smirked, "You know you could just say you care and move on. Save us all the trouble of these pointless monologues about how you only do it because Morgoth bids it. I think you do it because _you_ want to. Morgoth thinks I'll respond better to familiarity? Well then let's face it; you wouldn't be here if there wasn't something you enjoyed about it. If I knew Mairon it's that he only ever did something if he found pleasure in it. This is no different." Another pause of silence until I could lean in a touch to lower my voice, "That's a point for me I think. I believe I'm starting to decipher the hidden messages of Angband and its only day five."

Sauron narrowed his eyes calculatingly at me but after a bit must have decided this conversation was done. He turned and strode across the room with a brisk and purposeful walk while I straightened up again and kept watching him with a half smirk until he reached out and seized the door handle. He wrenched the door open but before he stepped through he cast back one last scathing look and said in a very nearly sarcastically sincere voice, "Enjoy your bath." His glowing eyes swept up and down me once as he slowly shook his head like he was already thinking of me as a lost cause. Then he said the one thing that told me maybe, just maybe it wasn't too late for even Sauron himself… "Welcome to Angband, Halon."


	11. Chapter Nine: The Resistance

**Forgot to mention this but feel free to leave reviews. Any and all feedback is welcome and appreciated. I hope you are liking this story so far. Thank you for holding out this far in Halon's struggles. I put him through an awful lot of shit to be honest. Poor guy… Anywho. Here's chapter nine.**

Chapter Nine: The Resistance

Well there honestly wasn't much to say for my life after that for quite some time. Obviously I had taken up the bath and gotten clean. The hot water relaxed all of my tense muscles and while it was scorching I had never been so glad of it in my life. Washing all the combined dirt, sweat, and blood off my chest was like shedding a skin and stepping into a more alive body. By the time I got out of the metal tub (another reason the bath was so hot, there wasn't anything covering the heat attracting surface) the water was no longer clear. It was a mixture of brown, black, and a very light red. I tested my magic again by replacing the dirty water with fresh and then conjured a towel for myself.

I patted down my body and bent forward to dry my hair next, only succeeding in ruffling it up to the point of looking like one who had severe bedhead. I wrapped the towel securely around my waist and knelt by the tub again, pulling my clothes over to me and starting to wash them. When I was halfway through some serious scrubbing of my shirt Sauron reappeared to say, "That won't be necessary." I almost asked if he expected me to walk around naked during my stay but then noticed the bundle of clothes in his hands. He tossed them carelessly onto the bed and cast one last glance and nod my way before vanishing again. I supposed his sudden appearances and disappearances were something I'd have to get used to.

Nonetheless, I put on the new outfit instead because I'd rather not get into further trouble. I burned the old garb and felt something satisfying from it. It was as if they had been the last thing tethering me to my old life and now even that was gone. The new outfit consisted of a loose shirt with ties at the top (which I ignored), a leather vest and belt, snug leather pants, and tall boots that stopped just under my knees. Everything was black and I was silently grateful for that because I wasn't one for colour really unless it happened to be some shade of red. I stepped in front of the mirror again and ran my hands through my dark hair; pulling and tugging it to somewhat tame the ruffled mess.

After what felt like several minutes I got it to lay somewhat flat with a few stray pieces falling across my forehead. I huffed and rolled my eyes at myself, "That'll have to do." Yet I still stood there staring at myself for a good while. My lips were pulled into a frown, my brow low as I took in my appearance with a blank expression that bordered a glare. After a moment I tilted my head and ran a hand over my stubble curiously as though I was debating doing away with it. I dropped my hand and shook my head because it was a sign of my difference and defiance. I wasn't going to get rid of it for that reason. It may have caused stares and discomfort before but now it was something to set me farther apart from Morgoth and Sauron. As weird as this may sound, it was almost a rebellious sign and I wanted to resist them as much as possible.

I turned away from my reflection and moved the now empty tub over to an empty wall so it was out of the way and I could use it again when needed. I actually bathed quite frequently and if it wasn't for 'trips' I was sent on in the future I probably would have been the most clean being in Angband next to Sauron. Once I'd done that I simply stood there wondering what I was supposed to do next. I remembered everything I had been told I could or couldn't do so far and there was actually a lot I could think of that I shouldn't be allowed to do but no one said I couldn't… I could potentially cause a lot of trouble and sabotage. Eventually I decided it would be alright to go out and explore the fortress so I could learn where I was or was going as quickly as possible.

I had no doubt I would be sent to various rooms and I wanted to know where exactly that was so as not to seem entirely helpless. The outside corridor was empty and dark but on this little expedition I was going to discover the other living creatures lurking about the place. The first thing I ran into turned out to be one of Morgoth's werewolves which I hadn't known existed until then. I turned a corner and suddenly a giant furry creature leapt up snapping its jaws and trying to eat my face… "Whoa!" I called out in alarm at the snarling beast and jumped backwards so I wasn't quite so close to the sharp fangs I had seen. The wolf growled with raised haunches and foam forming at its lips but I had no way to defend myself. If I messed around with anything I was sure Sauron would keep the promise of me being locked up again and I didn't exactly fancy that.

The thing started to bark viciously and I looked around with my hands still out, searching for anything or anyone that might be able to help me out. Well of course, this was Angband so the only other creatures around were a hoard of orcs who made hideous sounds of laughter as they watched my struggles. I looked up behind me to see a flickering torch and hefted the iron handle out of its holder, waving the flames dangerously closed to the wolf's snout. The orcs were no longer laughing but shrieking and tightening their grips on weapons. It was safe to assume none of them really knew who I was yet so they wouldn't hesitate to haul me off somewhere or else just tear me apart limb from limb and eat me alive.

"Get back!" I called. The wolf's eyes held to the torch for a minute before locking back onto me as its lips pulled back farther. The thing didn't care whether or not I was going to send it up in flames and I knew why in an instant. I glared at the creature furiously, feeling a burning anger take over because I guessed this was probably some work of Sauron's to keep me on my toes. "Stay back or else I will turn you into a bonfire," I snapped, my voice going low and dark. The wolf kept snarling for a few moments but then it stopped and turned around, slinking off into the darkness as if nothing had happened and I never existed. I let my arm lower a bit but didn't release the torch as the orcs blocked my path.

"Please move," I said quietly. The small beings tilted their heads and stared at me, some still hissing and spitting. I narrowed my eyes and shifted on my feet, "Let me try that again. Move. Now." Something in my tone must have scared them because they parted to form an aisle I could get through and I tossed the torch aside, marching through the rows quickly before they could change their minds. It seemed the number of orcs was endless. They were simply everywhere and it put me far on edge knowing I'd have to get used to this. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't take the staring anymore so I opened a random door and slipped inside the room.

As it turns out I had found the armory. All I could do was stare in amazement because I wasn't blind, I could appreciate the wonder and strange beauty of the place. The walls went straight up until curving into a sloped ceiling that stretched endlessly out. It felt like walking into a whole other palace in itself the place was so big. There didn't seem to be any shelves just rows of weapons and armor in racks while chains hanging from the ceilings displayed more work. The majority of it was clearly built for orcs but the farther back I walked the more intricate some pieces got and they certainly grew in size until I found myself standing amongst armor that was definitely made for a considerably large creature… "Dragons…" I heard myself whisper.

I stood before a helmet that was roughly the size of a house but it didn't stop there. I could see others that looked like small mountains farther down the hall. "Yes, dragons." I spun around to see Sauron _again_. He was gazing at the helmet fondly and as I glanced over my shoulder at it again I wondered if he had created all of these. It wouldn't surprise me. "Ancalagon is a magnificent creature and one of the Lord's favourites." Anyone who lived in the north of Beleriand during that time knew exactly who Ancalagon the Black was. He was the first dragon Morgoth had ever created, simply monstrous in size with jet black scales. The father of dragons.

"He… He's here?" I asked after a moment. Sauron let his fiery eyes fall upon me with an almost amused smirk and I huffed. "Oh piss off, I'm not afraid of him. I was asking a question you dolt." For once Sauron didn't seem affronted by my insult. In fact he let it slide as he gave me a skeptical expression so I had to elaborate. "I'm just surprised is all. I would have thought he'd be in a cave somewhere with space, not cooped up in here." I spoke too soon. Sauron gave a snap and seconds later I had taken several steps back as I found myself right in front of a large scaly nose that belonged to an even larger sleeping dragon… The cavern we stood in was so huge that darkness pressed in around us and would have been complete if not for the dragon itself.

Despite the fact that the scales were dark as midnight, a soft red glow emitted from somewhere deep within the slumbering beast. I turned my head to look at Sauron who had folded his arms over his chest with a smirk. "You were saying?" He asked quietly. "We most certainly have the room here. You have much still to learn Halon. Angband is more than just corridors above ground, it goes below to the depths of the earth where none have dared go before. I would say we can fit a few dragons, don't you agree?" The dragon's breath rumbled as he dozed on, unaware of the potentially unwanted company standing feet from him.

"Alright, alright. I get the point." I hissed. Afraid of speaking above a whisper so as not to risk waking the dragon… One more long look told me that this was Ancalagon and I most certainly didn't want to wake him. He would turn me into toast faster than I could say butter. Sauron raised his hand and snapped it again so we stood beside the dragon armor once more. I crossed my arms and hurried into a question before he could make some other smart comment about how I was a sissy. "Is there a particular reason you've been popping up all over the place around me? Or do you just like the view that much?" His eyes narrowed at the jibe and I smirked right back; flicking my eyebrows up momentarily.

Sauron folded his own arms so we looked as if we were discussing a grave topic rather than having a go at each other. It was something that would become quite common over time and never quite died out even when we parted ways. "Keep your comments to yourself Halon or lose your tongue." It's funny how that little comment can suddenly make you so much more aware of the muscle residing behind your teeth. "I've been, how did you put it? _Popping up_ to keep an eye on you and make sure you aren't going anything stupid."

"You don't have _any_ other ways to do that than physically show up?" I inquired in amazement. I would have thought Sauron clever enough to find some way to keep watch on someone without being present in the flesh. He frowned at me and I shrugged. "I dunno, go turn yourself into a giant eyeball or something. You and I both know that's highly possible for people like us." By _'people like us'_ I really meant the Anur (the Valar and Maiar combined). All of us were shapeshifters so to speak which was how we changed form and went from being spirits of the elements to spirits in human bodies.

Sauron tended to go a little crazy and turn himself into many things purely for fun. It did get a bit annoying after a while because it didn't help with anything that needed to get done. Not to mention it meant if you hadn't seen him transform you basically had no way of knowing where the hell he'd gone because you couldn't know what he looked like in that moment. I accidentally discovered one of his transformations once and when I further discovered Sauron was _embarrassed_ by it, I obviously used it as blackmail against him. However, as soon as the phrase had left my mouth his real eyes had lit up and a small evil smile was forming on his lips; making me nervous. "That's actually not a half bad idea…" He stated wondrously.

"Right…" I answered as he clearly got lost in thought about the possibility of turning into a giant eyeball. "Well you go figure that out and let me know how it works for you. Mmkay? Great. I'm just going to go now before you decide to ask me for opinions or worse… Drag me into it." I started to edge out of the armory but had barely gone five steps before Sauron's form started to glow brighter and brighter by the second until he literally exploded as he changed forms… There was suddenly a huge blazing fire hovering in the air. It contorted for a few seconds before slowly forcing itself into the shape of an eye. Once that was accomplished it looked down at me unblinkingly.

I could only stare with my mouth open for a good while until I managed, "Holy shit…" I could honestly say it was the most terrifying thing I had seen since the Darkening of Valinor and whatever had been Morgoth's accomplice that night. After a while the eye widened and I caught onto something, tilting my head curiously and calling up to it. "What's the matter? Did you get stuck?" The eye bobbed frantically up and down as if it was nodding and I rolled my eyes back. "Smooth Sauron, real smooth. Well I don't suppose you'd be wanting my help so I think I'll let you figure this one out on your own." When the eye widened I grinned, "It's your problem not mine."

For a long time nothing happened. Then there was a great rush of air as all the heat was sucked momentarily from the room, a split second of silence, and then an echoing sound like an explosion. There stood Sauron again, looking a little askew but otherwise perfectly normal. He staggered a few steps and put a hand to his head as if he was incredibly dizzy. "I'll have to work on that…" He muttered.

Even us, spirits who are supposed to change form and distort all the time, can have a bit of difficulty here and there. Especially with sudden large transformations that have never been attempted before. In my life the only time I turned into something that wasn't humanoid was when I was cursed and therefore forced into becoming something else so that a spell had to be used to reverse the damage. Thankfully that only happened once. What wasn't so great about it was that I had turned into a tiny grey mouse… Long story, and honestly not relevant to this one. Let's move on shall we?

"Yeah, you do that." I answered in a sarcastically intrigued tone. "When you get this whole flaming eye of impending doom act down come find me. I'd like to see you get stuck again so I can have a laugh every now and then in this abysmal place." I turned and started to leave the armory for real this time. As I was going I decided to throw one last remark over my shoulder. "You know maybe you should turn into a kitten. You'd be less annoying and perhaps Morgoth will like you then." Before he could answer I was gone.

Years and years went by. How many? No idea. The effect Angband had on people in general was that it made you lose your sense of time. Along with that (for prisoners at least) came the feeling of hopelessness. The longer you spent here the more you lost any spark of belief you might get out. I took it with a grain of salt because at least I wasn't shackled in the dungeons somewhere. Morgoth hardly ever spoke to me let alone saw me because he really had no use for me yet. I never dropped my guard though because who knew when the day would come that he might suddenly come up with an idea and unexpectedly enact it upon me?

After a while it got to the point where I knew my voice was not going to be heard; so I stayed silent. I never said nor did anything that might get me into trouble given I didn't exactly want to die in this situation. Sauron ignored me for a while which I was perfectly fine with until Morgoth started trusting me enough to go places outside Angband one in a while with an escort. Which apparently had to be Sauron. Though even that faded away over time and I was free to walk the earth on my own. So why, you may ask, didn't I run away? Why did I return to Angband every time I'd had enough of the outside world? There was a very good reason.

It all started when I ventured to Lake Mithrim -located south-west of Angband- to where there was a small village. I was perfectly minding my own business just taking a walk when a woman bumped into me, a basket of cloth tumbling from her arms. She began apologizing as we knelt down in unison to return each item to its proper place. "Sorry sir, I wasn't watching where I-" My head snapped up at her voice at the same time she looked up at me. Her words trailed off when our eyes locked on each other and while I was frowning incredulously at her she just looked surprised. When she got over it the first thing she said was, "What the hell are you doing here?"

I rolled my eyes and placed the last towel back in her basket. "Well I'm glad to see you too Laredith. I was just taking a stroll and happened to end up in your charming little village here." My voice held a trace of sarcasm and with every word her previously guarded and tense being relaxed until she was grinning. I helped her to her feet, taking in her appearance. While I looked more or less the same as the last time I'd seen her (My hair had gotten longer until it touched around my ears and stuck out everywhere even more. Not to mention I was certainly paler.), Laredith was now a grown woman.

She put that to words as she said, "Huh, well you certainly haven't changed have you Halon? Still the same sarcastic yet eloquent bastard. Though calmer I'd hope?" I knew what she meant and my lips twitched into a half smile. She was hoping we could avoid pulling any weapons against each other this time and I agreed. Laredith hefted her basket and gestured with her head, "Come on, I'll take you somewhere we can talk so you can tell me what's been going on."

I followed her through the fleet of houses and shops. No one stopped and stared, they were all too busy laughing and talking, trading and going about their days. It was nice; peaceful. Laredith led me to a little cottage and noticed my hesitation to actually go in, "It's alright, no one's going to bite you." Well that didn't reassure me because that meant there were other people inside which I sort of wanted to avoid. It was best I make the least amount of contact as possible so even the fact that I was communicating with her was going against my own thoughts. Nonetheless, I let myself be dragged inside to find a cozy little home.

Laredith set down her basket just as a young boy came hurtling from nowhere and rammed into her, wrapping his arms tightly around her legs while shouting joyfully, "Mummy!" I don't know why, but it almost made me sad. Laredith was a mother. At some point that fiery youth I'd met had grown up and moved on with life and even though we had met only briefly and not under the best circumstances, I wished I had been around to see it. "Mummy, I caught trout today!" The boy could have been no older than six, but his face glowed with triumph at this statement to which Laredith laughed and scooped him up.

"Did you really Vir?" She asked to his grin. "That's wonderful! We'll have them for supper tomorrow." She rubbed her nose against Vir's and he giggled happily before his big brown eyes landed on me. Laredith noticed and turned to face me, "Vir, this is an old friend of mine, Halon. Halon this is my son Vir." She looked at the child again and set him down, saying quietly in his ear, "Can you say hello darling?" Vir smiled shyly at me but took a few steps closer. I think I surprised Laredith as I crouched down to be more on his level with a soft smile playing on my lips as I spoke quietly to the boy.

"Hello lad," I said gently. "Vir was it?" He reached me with a timid nod and I carefully extended a hand towards him until he reached out right back. His tiny fingers were enveloped by my much larger ones and I shook his hand a bit with a nod. "It's nice to meet you Vir. You'll make a fine man someday. Especially with who your mother is." I looked up with a grin as Laredith crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows questioningly at me. "Now though I believe she wants some information out of me so you'll have to excuse me."

I stood up again and Laredith stepped forward to Vir who was gazing up at me with a bright grin again, "Why don't you go see if Gybryn needs any help?" Vir's eyes lit up at the prospect and he hurried off through the cabin, vanishing from sight moments later. I tilted my head in question and Laredith explained, "Gybryn's a friend of mine. He was my husband's assistant at the blacksmith shop in town and ever since Addrimyr passed five years ago, Gybryn's been helping us here. As a sort of repayment for all my husband did to help him."

She sat down at the table and gestured for me to do the same. I frowned as I took the seat beside her and said softly, "I'm sorry for your loss." Laredith waved it off to tell me it was alright since it had been so long ago. "You're certainly doing well though, aren't you? You've got a home, a family. Not bad for a girl who can't properly wield a knife." I grinned at her and she smiled back in a sarcastically sweet way as she gave her answer.

"I'll have you know that I'm the most skilled physician in this village Halon. I know more ways to kill someone than you could dream of so watch yourself." She leaned forward and pointed a finger threateningly at me. "Or else you might find yourself leaving this world in a slow and painful manner with no one able to save you but me. What will you do when I refuse to help?" She broke the facade by smiling and leaning back again. "Nah, I wouldn't let you die. You're too entertaining."

"Thanks." For a moment neither of us said a word. I breathed slowly and found it in myself to ask, "So what's been going on for you?" Laredith looked surprised and ready to say I should go first but I held up a hand. "You should go first because believe me, if you want my full story and to know who I really am it's going to take a long time." I couldn't say what made me decide I would tell Laredith who I was when that was what I had been avoiding telling everyone for years now. As mentioned before, we'd only met once and that wasn't nearly enough time to develop trust or friendship. Still… Seeing her familiar face in a world where I was alone made me feel some comfort. Maybe I could be free after all.

She considered me for a while and finally resigned. "Alright. There's honestly not much to tell about myself before you met me. I lived in that house all my life until my father died and then I decided I needed a change of scenery. I earned wages by studying the art of healing and helping those I could. Eventually I got here, settled down…" She glanced around the cabin with a tiny shrug. "That's it really. As you said, I seem to have done well in life. Or I wouldn't be here. I've never done any traveling beyond that. I've not seen the world and I can safely say I'm fine with that. As far as I'm concerned the world is right here, in this town."

I knew a few people who would disagree, myself included. But I made no comment because I respected her opinion and the way she had become poise yet still held the same old fire. There was a stretch of silence and she slowly smiled, "Are we just going to sit here staring at each other all day? Or are you going to tell me who you are Halon?" The statement suggested the truth, we knew nothing of each other. The way she said it, however, was as if we were the oldest of friends.

"Of course." I answered softly and shifted slightly. "I trust you remember during our first encounter I explained that I'm one of the Maiar?" She nodded. "You asked how exactly I ended up here and why I was so… Intense. Before I tell you I must warn you, you might not like what you hear. If, after I've finished explaining, you wish me gone and to never make any contact with you again I understand entirely." The whole time I was talking her eyebrows were slowly traveling up her forehead.

"What's your crime then?"

"Difference." I stated simply and she frowned in confusion. "Back in Valinor I was too different to belong. Gradually over the years it built up and got to me until the restraint broke. I'd had enough. In my blind anger I killed three people who didn't deserve it. I didn't used to see it that way… I thought the world was better off without people like them but now I see that I was wrong. They did nothing wrong, they were scared. I'm the one who should be dead in their place and the world would do better without me, not them." Laredith's face was drawn in a frown as she listened but the expression in her eyes was hard to read.

"I crossed the sea to escape justice," I continued. "For a while I just wandered around; lost and alone. But then I was captured. By Morgoth." Laredith almost fell out of her chair in shock and I sighed. "Before you interrupt me, allow me to finish. Please." Indeed, she had opened her mouth to speak but froze and gestured for me to go on. "You understand that each of the Maiar serve a Vala. I had been hiding from mine for years and I would have gladly kept doing so because it was Morgoth I was bound to. But… When he captured me I was revealed by Sauron." I saw Laredith's confusion again as to how Sauron knew me and I shook my head, waving my hand hastily, "It's a complicated story."

"We've got all day."

I considered her for a moment. "Sauron and I lived in the same house back in Valinor. He recognized me here and informed Morgoth who I was. I've been in Angband all these years and just recently was trusted enough to start venturing out on my own without being watched. I can assure you, you are entirely safe in my company. They don't know I'm here or anything about you, your family… None of it." My tone must have been sincere enough because she inclined her head. "That's really everything to tell. Now Laredith, I understand completely if you want me to leave. I won't come back, you'll never hear a word of me again. Just say the word."

Laredith studied me for a while and finally surprised me with one word, spoken in a firm voice. "No. Despite all you've told me I trust you. I trust you because you were entirely honest about it. Most people would lie if they found themselves living through what you have. To admit something like this to someone who's virtually a stranger takes a lot of courage. And to admit you were wrong is an even bigger step. Your actions may have been dishonorable, but you as a person, from what I can tell, are honorable."

I could only stare at her gratefully for a while until I inclined my head, "Thank you Laredith…" She smiled and got to her feet. For a moment I wondered if that was my sign to go but all she did was retrieve two mugs and fill them with water, handing one to me as she sat down once more. "Thank you. Your boy, Vir, he seems a bright young lad." Laredith smiled and dipped her head but neither of us could do or say much else before a man walked into the room and paused upon seeing me sitting at the table.

Laredith and I both got up this time as she introduced the man to me. "Hello Gybryn! This is Halon. Halon, this is Gybryn. Remember I told you about him earlier?" I nodded and gave a small smile while extending my hand for the other to shake. Gybryn was looking at me curiously as if he'd seen me before but couldn't quite place it, though I didn't remember ever seeing him. It was explained as Laredith continued. "And Gybryn, if you recall this is the… Man I told you about a long time ago when we met."

"The one who held a dagger at your throat?"

"Er… Yes."

I was caught between amusement and discomfort but didn't let any of that show on my face as Gybryn never broke eye contact and gave a few short nods. He looked me up and down once and I tensed, ready for some sort of criticism or degrading comment. Instead, what he said made me realize we'd get along fine and maybe even be friends. "You've certainly got guts then. She's a fire, this one." I grinned and Laredith playfully slapped his arm so the first smile crossed his face. "Well, it's nice to finally meet the mysterious Halon. I trust you two have some catching up to do, so I'll leave you to it." He turned and pressed a quick kiss on Laredith's cheek and nodded at me once more. "Halon."

I nodded back, "Gybryn." Then he was gone. I slowly smiled at Laredith as I lifted the mug she'd given me and spoke before taking a careful sip of the water (ever since Sauron poisoned my wine I was paranoid about it. Long story). "He seems more than a mere friend if you ask me." Laredith looked startled and I gave her a knowing look, "You don't have to be embarrassed. I would have to be blind not to see he has feelings for you and that you care about him in return." She looked down and then shook her head, now smacking me on the arm.

Laredith pointed threateningly at me, "Not a word from you, sir." I put up my hands in surrender to show I wasn't saying anything. "I'm sure he already knows but I suppose I'll have to get around to telling him officially at some point. Vir loves him dearly, like a father. He needs that figure in his life. Someone he can look up to and have as a good model to go through it all." I murmured agreement and she sighed. "You know sometimes I really just wonder if I'm doing this right. If it's all enough." Before I could answer she shook her head and laughed, "Oh wonderful, I'm using the classic parent lines now."

My lips tugged as if I'd been about to smile. "There's nothing wrong with that. It just goes to show people really do change when they become a parent. Whether it's a better or worse change falls upon the person themselves. I can already safely say you've turned quite mature since the last time I saw you. You've still got the same spirit no doubt, but you're calmer and more aware of your surroundings." She gave me a pointed look to say the same right back but before I could add anything she was asking me a question.

"Do you have children Halon?" If she had asked me that at an earlier time in my life I would probably have choked on my water. Just like how Feanor asked me that question and I couldn't form coherent words anymore. However, it had been a long time since that particular conversation and I was able to react in a much more nonchalant manner; it didn't affect me the same anymore. I carefully set down my mug, smiling slightly at it even though I didn't feel amusement in the slightest.

"Me?" I asked and my gaze slid up to her once more. "Does that answer your question?" Laredith let her head fall to the side questioningly and I hummed lowly, choosing my words with care. "I don't particularly want them myself, not now. Can you honestly blame me with the life I live? That's not exactly the job I'd want to come home to a family from. And of course there's the simple fact that I don't even have a wife; never have. I suppose it's because I've not found, how do you people call it? _'The one'_. Well… I think it's because I haven't spoken to many women and the few that I have were or are either friends, engaged or married, or else I'm just plain not interested. Perhaps in a million years when the earth freezes over I'll end up finding someone. But for now…" I shrugged.

Laredith reached out and gently grabbed my hand to squeeze it. There was no hesitation, no recoiling at my cold skin, just a simple gesture of friendship she didn't think terribly significant whereas deep down it meant a lot to someone like me. "Forgive me if I read too far into this but… You do want them Halon, or at least you did at some point. And you shouldn't feel so hopeless that you can find _'the one'_." She smiled slightly at the emphasis. "Anyone is capable of loving and being loved. All we have to do first is open our eyes to the world around us." Laredith released my hand and sat back again with a simple shrug, lifting her mug. "You'll get the girl someday. I can feel it."

I studied her curiously, "You're a very interesting woman Laredith." She looked perplexed so I explained. "You choose to see the world in the bigger picture. I've not met many people who think like you before… Maybe only one actually. I don't even have to ask if you really believe that someday someone could possibly love me even with all the things I've done and might do, because I can see in your eyes you really do believe it. I can't recall the last time I saw the truth so plainly in someone's eyes." I stated in a way as if it was no big deal, but I could tell she was flattered. She should be, it was indeed a compliment and I didn't give those often. Well… Not in _those_ days at least.

"Thanks." She answered quietly. "I see no point in lying to people because it's just causes more pain when the truth is revealed. The point is, yes I do believe it. Your personality isn't bad and well," she grinned. "Your looks aren't bad either." I did smile that time and she exhaled slowly through her nose. "Ah well… First thing's first you need to escape the Northern Fortress. Then I dunno, find some quiet secluded place where no one would find you and you can live out the rest of your days peacefully. That would be nice."

I was suddenly hit by an idea and I tensed slightly, jumping with my eyes going wide. She too jumped, but from alarm and looked at me with concern. "Laredith… Can I trust you?" She started to say how of course I could but I had already started speaking again. "This village, it's virtually hidden. I stumbled upon it by chance. And if _I_ didn't know about it (having traveled Beleriand so thoroughly I know it as well as the back of my hand), I am one hundred percent certain no one at Angband does…"

Laredith slowly shook her head at me, "I'm sorry but I'm clearly not catching on with what you're saying yet. If no one at Angband knows this village exists then let's keep it that way. I'd rather not have the whole town destroyed and everyone in it killed." I was frantically shaking my head because yes, I agreed this place should remain hidden from prying enemy eyes, but I had to finish my idea. If it worked… It could save thousands.

"No, no, I agree entirely." I hurried on. "But think about it! If this place is hidden from the forces of Angband it's practically a haven; a sanctuary." Laredith's eyes were slowly narrowing but not in a bad way, she was starting to catch on. "It would take a while, but if this village were to be secured even more and hidden more effectively it really _could_ be a haven. This place need never know war, fear, or pain; none of it! It could be a secret refuge for those outside who do want to fight Morgoth's forces. A place for them to recover or seek shelter."

Laredith was beginning to nod quickly, "And it could just as well work as a sort of spy network too. Visitors bring news of the outside world while we inform them of what we know so by putting the two together we might find a way to really bring down the Northern King." Her eyes jumped onto mine and she snapped her fingers, "Halon, you are an absolute genius! We need to hold a council at once and tell everyone." She leapt to her feet and my eagerness was suddenly wiped away as I stared at her, completely taken aback. She read my expression correctly as she declared, "What better time than now? The sooner we tell them the sooner it can be put to action if they agree." I couldn't deny she had a point.

So I allowed myself to be pulled from the house (after she'd explained to Gybryn and Vir she was going out and would be back as soon as possible) and led through the village. It caught my interest how everyone seemed to show the same respect and willingness to listen to Laredith. Clearly she was held in high standards, being the lead healer of this place. As it was, everyone who was apparently on this "council" had been notified within an hour and gathered just as quickly so by the time we joined them at the village meeting hall, everyone was assembled. The group consisted of around twenty men; most old but some young.

"Alright Lar," one of the oldest looking called once silence had fallen. All eyes turned towards where Laredith and I stood at the head of a long wooden table. No one seemed to notice me and I knew it wasn't because they were being rude and ignoring me, they really couldn't see me from far away. I blended in with the shadows too well. A trick I'd learned from Morgoth himself… "You called us all here for an emergency council. What is it lass?" None of them, I noticed, were real council members. They were all farmers, maybe a physician, some repairmen… Workers but not distinguished in these matters really. That was alright, this could be put to work. I had patience.

Laredith took a deep breath, her fingertips brushing the surface of the table, and addressed the group so well I was actually impressed. "Friends, I gathered you here on a serious and important manner. First, allow me to introduce you to my companion here. This is H-" She turned to introduce me and did a double take for a moment as I had seemingly vanished. I sighed and stepped forward, earning cries of shock and alarm. "Er, right…" She cleared her throat and plowed forward. "This is Halon. I've known him for many years and he's come up with an idea that could very well save the fate of Beleriand as we know it."

"Bloody hell," a younger of the assembled said. "Laredith I knew you had strange friends but _that_ is beyond strange. Did you not just see him melt from the shadows? I realize you want us to listen and forgive me for this interruption, especially if it's wrong, but it seems to me he works with dark magic. Pardon me sir, you just have that air to you." He sounded truly apologetic even as I didn't break eye contact with him. Some of the other men gathered shifted uncomfortably and murmuring broke out amongst them. Until I gave him a small smile that is. Then silence fell once again.

"Apology accepted. But you seem to miss nothing sir." I answered and at this confirmation everyone visibly tensed. "As you have correctly assumed, I deal with dark magic. For example!" I raised my arm and even Laredith looked alarmed when black flames rose from the palm of my hand. When I closed my fingers down on my gloved hand the fire extinguished itself and I lowered my arm once more. "Glad we could establish that and get it out of the way. Now moving on to more important things yes?"

But before I could continue I was interrupted by another young male. What he said made me slowly look at Laredith who was determinedly looking down, biting her lip so as not to laugh. "Do you always talk so formal-like?" I looked down, running my tongue over my lips before looking back up at him with a slightly sarcastic smile to confirm it. He frowned. "But at the same time you possess the ability to be sardonic. That's some serious skill Halon…"

I inclined my head, "Thank you, I quite agree. Anymore questions? Once I start explaining I'd rather not be cut short or interrupted. Understand?" Silence met my words so after a moment I nodded. "Good. Gentlemen, lady," I bowed my head respectfully to Laredith, "I believe there is a way this village can help to bring down Morgoth." Laredith cringed from my abruptness and I knew why the instant I finished; there was an outburst. I held up my hands, "Hear me out, please."

"No!"

"We aren't going to kill our people for the sake of war."

"You're insane!"

I sighed and spoke quite calmly and actually quietly, but it carried enough that they all heard me. "I never said anything about anyone dying. In fact if this plan is carried out, no one in this village will die of unnatural causes." That certainly got their attention. "Before I tell you what this plan exactly is there's something you all should know about me. I'm telling you because I don't expect you to trust me entirely, but I'm hoping by being honest you might listen to reason. No matter how dark the truth is. We'll start with this simple introduction of who I am. As you know, my name is Halon."

My eyes swept over the group and some part of me contemplated if I really wanted to tell them this. "I'm one of the Ainur. For those of you who are unaware as to what that means, my race (the Maiar to be precise) are spirits that descended to this earth thousands of years ago with the Valar, who I'm sure you've heard of." Indeed they had. "Some of us chose to take a human form, such as how I look now. The only thing we all share is the fact that we're all connected to one or more of the Valar; servants if you will. We share similar powers to them and more often than not, similar thought process as well. Thankfully, I don't."

Some of them looked nervous now as I closed my eyes to summon the courage required to finish this. "The Valar that I am bound to is Melkor… Or as he is known these days, Morgoth." I opened my eyes to the stunned silence and no one moved or so much as breathed while I stood there gazing at them each in turn. "I will tell you what I told Laredith earlier… If you wish me to leave this village, forget about it, and never return I can do that. I don't want to cause any trouble or pain. But before you throw me out allow me to say one more thing… I want Morgoth gone just as much as all of you."

"I know what this might seem like. You could very well argue I only want him gone so I can easily take his place as the next ruler of this earth." I shook my head. "I can assure you most sincerely that I _don't_ want that power. All I want is the same as each of you sitting in this room if not more… Freedom. So I stand before you gentlemen and lady, with the humble request that you hear me out. Listen to my plan, that's all I ask, and it can either be ignored or carried out. Keep in mind if it's put to action we could save thousands of lives, innocent lives, and put an end to this tyranny Morgoth reins over Beleriand. Will you listen?"

Silence fell over the group again. No one moved and for a moment my insides sank because I thought for certain they wouldn't agree to it. But then, one by one, men started to stand and give one simple nod of their head. From the instant the first man had done so I felt a sort of grateful reassurance surge through me as well as a determination. It was happening. We were going to take down Morgoth from the inside out gradually with time... When everyone had gotten to their feet I felt a smile break onto my face and nodded back. "Alright. Then let's get to work. Here's the plan."

There was one certain thing I could say about this growing resistance. It was both one of the best and the worst things that ever happened to me in life. It took a lot of persuasion and some changes, but eventually the villagers agreed to the plan. Over the years it grew until the place was practically unrecognizable from the first time I'd seen it and it was also quite 'invisible'. That was largely due to the fact that after building a near twenty foot wall around the town, trees and growth and sprung up to create a natural barrier on top of the man-made one. To the untrained eye, it simply wasn't there. This was exactly what had been intended.

The town became a refuge for those who had been harmed by Morgoth's followers and also a secret meeting place of returning spies who exchanged news. I was one of them. While you may think I wouldn't have gotten involved more than sparking the idea for my own safety, I had stayed with it. I had helped them build the protective wall and was the source of most of their information directly from Angband. At first no one could really trust my word since I lived a mere few steps from the Northern King himself, but when my words and information turned out to be true time after time I earned their faith.

Villagers who didn't know me as well would incline their heads respectfully if I happened to be around or else they would hurry on, looking flustered to be in my presence. Though… That was more particular of the female gender. The older members of the council might stop to talk for a while the younger ones might joke and laugh to get a rare smile from me on occasion. I didn't mind. It was the complete opposite of Valinor here. Here people trusted me, could smile and give friendly word, here they didn't judge me as harshly or merely because of my looks. It was, in a word, nice.

Some had even jokingly taken to calling me 'Lord' Halon. The reason for this being I was held in high standards amongst Morgoth's servants, right beside Sauron. Even if I never carried out any of his missions. While Sauron was technically Lord Sauron, I was Halon. Just Halon. Yet some of the village lads thought it would be amusing to give me that title too as a sort of jibe at Morgoth. I was his servant, but I belonged to the people of this refuge. A long time later though that nickname would take a turn for the worse and no one would be saying it jokingly anymore, that's for sure.

For the first few years everything went smoothly and the secret village acted just as it was supposed to. But as time went on the world outside grew worse and it started taking tolls inside as well. Some of the villagers no longer wanted to be secret. They wanted to come out of the shadows and help fight, get rid of Morgoth forever. My trips there became less frequent because of the tightness with which Angband was now run in Morgoth's attempts to maintain his hold upon the land. It all plummeted further the day Angband's forces started attacking farther and farther south. Eventually they came to a town not far from the secret refuge and I was sent out to check for survivors with orders to bring them back to the fortress.

So I walked through the wreckage the orcs had created amongst what little remained of the attacked village. What exactly Sauron wanted with survivors I couldn't fathom a guess for but I could safely say it wasn't going to be pretty. Smoke drifted up from the reminiscence of buildings that had been burned down in the havoc. Here and there little fires still sparked, refusing to be put out. Corpses littered the ground around me and they seemed to flee from my presence, fearing me even in death. I kicked aside a charred plank of wood and spun around at the sound of a small cough.

I frowned as my eyes scanned the area and my feet slowly took me back the way I'd come until I heard another cough. Being able to locate the sound this time I shoved aside more planks and underneath the rubble found an elven child curled on his side. His eyes were closed and he was barely breathing but he was most definitely still alive and fighting to keep that. There was no way of telling if he knew I was there but something inside me argued that I shouldn't take this boy to Sauron; I couldn't. He must have been no older than sixteen and even in his half-conscious state his determination to live fascinated me. How could I turn him over to someone who would deny that? I wasn't that cruel was I?

I did something then that I could very easily have been killed or tortured for many times over; which, mind you, I was. I bent down and lifted the limp body from the ground, slinging him over my shoulders and carrying him away from the dangerous zone. The building he had been huddled under was ready to collapse. One last scan of the area let me know he was indeed the only survivor and perhaps that was why Sauron wanted him; his strength. That was another reason not to give him in. My third reason was purely out of hatred for my peer. I didn't want to give him anything that could potentially give him another level up or make him "happy". It may sound selfish or rude, but trust me it was a very good thing for the entire world that I kept that view my whole life.

I carried the boy out of the ruins and once we reached the edge of the village, teleported us to the secret place. Once I reached the gate I hefted the boy up more securely and answered the guard's call of who was approaching. "It's me Gybryn! Halon! Open up, I've got someone in desperate need of your help." There was a pause and for a moment or two I wondered if he wasn't going to let me in at all. It was common knowledge that Gybryn hadn't nearly gotten used to me yet like everyone else had even though he knew I meant no harm. I think it's because of how I met Laredith... Finally he answered, and what he called down made me curse rather darkly because I wasn't in the mood for games. 

"What's the password?"

"Dammit Gybryn, there isn't a bloody password! I have an elven child here who is quite possibly on the verge of death and I'd rather not let this one slide. So if you wouldn't mind opening these damnable gates so he can get help, it would be greatly appreciated!" There was another pause but this time I could hear a pair of distant voices muttering to each other. "Look, I'm in a bit of a hurry in case you didn't get that the first time. I implore you, let me pass these gates. Or would you like to have the death of a child on your conscience? I don't believe anyone would fancy that so! In your own time, but rather quickly still."

"Yup, that's definitely Halon." Someone declared. "Only he has the ability to sound formal while both lecturing and insulting you. Open the gates!" I rolled my eyes and walked forward as one of the heavy wooden panels was drawn back for me to enter. The instant I was in, the gate was closed once more. Two women were hurrying towards me while a man to my left climbed down a ladder and joined us seconds later. I nodded at the two women (one of whom was Laredith) who had matching expressions of worry and waited until the man reached us to speak.

"The orcs attacked the village of Legebriwen," I launched into explanation. "I was sent to search for survivors, he was the only one." I gestured with my head to the elf slung across my back. Laredith was already examining him as I spoke, checking under his eyelids, his pulse, breathing rate, and such. "They set the whole place ablaze so I've no doubt he has a fair amount of smoke in his lungs. Maybe a couple broken bones considering I found him buried beneath the residue of a building. I brought him here because it was the only safe place for him I could think of where Sauron can't reach him."

The woman stopped looking over the elf and I gave her a small nod, asking slowly, "You can… Help him yes, Laredith?" I knew full well that the answer was probably yes. The only reason I asked was because I saw the worry in her eyes like I never had before. Laredith was the most skilled healer in the camp after all and definitely the most skilled of her race. There were no elves or Maiar in this place (shocking isn't it?). Only men and some rouge dwarves here and there. As soon as the question left my lips however I saw a familiar fierce determination flash in her eyes and she gave a sharp nod.

"It's not as if I trained to become a healer or anything," she answered and I couldn't help letting a half grin form on my face. She was always the one to be sarcastic yet she was definitely the most advanced out of us in this field, the most serious woman I ever encountered, and probably also the most mature out of us present. I may have been older by a long shot but that didn't mean I was wiser. "But I can't do anything with you standing here. Bring him to my healing chambers and I can get to work while you two go gather together a council and discuss what's happened."

I nodded and turned to Gybryn, "Get them together now so we don't have to wait. I'll join you just as soon as I'm done here." He nodded and hurried off into the night while I followed Laredith through the refuge to her healing cabin. The second woman was hurrying along beside us and I realized I had never seen her before tonight. Upon further reflection I also realized I had failed to introduce myself so as we scurried along I struck up conversation. "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Halon, pleasure to meet you." The girl looked shy and even flustered that I was addressing her directly but she answered nonetheless. 

"Hello… My name is Virawiel." I tried to offer her a reassuring smile so she would know I really wasn't here to cause any harm but all I could do was nod while taking in her appearance. She had long silky black hair that had a section braided across the top of her crown so she looked as if she had a headband. Her green eyes matched the shades of the forest we resided in and were filled with an innocent wonder and sparkling excitement. "It's a pleasure to meet you too." Virawiel was one of those rare people you meet who had a soft and gentle tone that hinted she had not once done a single evil deed in her life.

After a moment I spoke without thinking about what might come from this, "Flower… It's a fitting name." Even in the dark I could see her cheeks had flushed and I mentally reprimanded myself for being so careless. It had been meant as a simple compliment yes, but of course she was going to take it a different way. From my history around the female gender I was starting to see a pattern with them in Beleriand. They all wanted something more than just a compliment and if they got one they took it further than was necessary… In that moment I can be one hundred percent honest when I say I was _not_ trying to flirt with her.

"Thank you." She answered quietly. I was spared from saying anything else when we reached the healing cabin and entered to the smell of many herbs. It was comfortably warm and even though the elf I carried was incredibly light, I was still glad to put him down. Carrying someone like a dead body isn't exactly the most comfortable of things. I set him down on a stretcher and the moment I stepped away Laredith was at work. I was surprised when Virawiel automatically went to the cabinets and retrieved a bunch of herbs for the healer who noticed my attention.

"Virawiel helps me often," Laredith explained casually as she set to work on the elvish boy who now had a fine sheet of sweat covering him. "You could almost call her my apprentice. Ever since the day she was born and I delivered her into this world she has been a great help to me. You just haven't seen her before now because the last few times you came she was out gathering supplies for me." Virawiel blushed even more at this modest statement and I allowed a tiny smile to the pair of them. It was clear they were close as a mother and a daughter. I saw the same passion of a mother in Laredith as she helped the elvish boy.

Not long before the completion of the wall around the village, Laredith had needed to travel to a far off town for a rare medicine. Thinking it would be better to bring her boy with her than leave him behind, she had set out with Vir and come back alone. They had been ambushed and attacked by orcs along the road and Vir hadn't made it out alive. Ever since then Laredith had been determined that no other child in the secret village would die while she could stop it. Even though they weren't her children, even if they were strangers until they showed up at the gate, she helped and saved them all. This elf was no different.

"I'll be back after the meeting to check in on him." Laredith nodded but she only looked around when I spoke again at the exit. "And Laredith? Thank you." She gave me a weary smile and nod, then I was gone. I walked briskly back through the camp to the hall the people used for urgent meetings. As I walked several of the people saw me and turned to their neighbors, whispering excitedly. For once I didn't mind the comments because they weren't negative. Here in their refuge I wasn't a villain. I was one of them. The fact that I was back from Angband must have meant something big and indeed tonight it did.

Within a minute I had reached the discussion hall and found it full of the leaders of the refuge. They were all gathered around the long table, talking and arguing amongst each other but they all fell silent when I entered. My eyes swept over them and I nodded, "Gentlemen." I crossed to the far end of the room where my seat was placed at the head of the long rectangle. There were at least twenty of them standing around until I sat down and they all did likewise. "No doubt by now Gybryn has informed you all of why I am here tonight." I didn't state it as a question because one look at them all and I knew.

"We've got to do something!" One of them proclaimed bravely. A few of the gathered men scoffed but he plowed right on in determination. "This raiding and destroying of our neighboring villages has to stop! Sauron cannot be allowed to roam about like this any longer. If we can manage to take him down we will be one step closer to bringing down Morgoth himself!" A shudder went around the table at the name of the Northern King but outbursts had happened as well so that suddenly nearly everyone was arguing with each other.

The people of this refuge had never known war or destruction within their people. They had only seen it from a distance and therefore remained blissfully ignorant of the reality it brought. The result was that they tended to blurt out any and all ideas no matter how rash they sounded. They also always wanted to jump right into action when they never had been in action and therefore wouldn't last a minute. I appreciated their spirit, but all in all the only thing these people were good for was maintaining a safe shelter and spreading news to the rebels who _could_ carry out those actions.

"Even if you wanted to defeat Sauron you wouldn't get within ten feet of him." I said quietly. Even over great rabble my voice could still be heard and within seconds silence had fallen. I waited until they had all taken their respective seats again and were waiting in attentive silence before continuing. "None of you would be able to get into Angband unless it was as a prisoner or else volunteering service. I don't think any of you want to go in as a prisoner… It's not pretty and you wouldn't ever get back out. As for acting as a willing servant? It takes a good deal of skill and will to lie in the face of Morgoth and most times he knows."

Gybryn was the first to speak, "He's right. Have any of us ever been in the presence of the Northern King? We tremble just to hear his name and shudder at the thought of ever so much as seeing him. We would be found out and dead or worse faster than we could retreat." We locked eyes with a silent understanding and I inclined my head to say 'thank you'. I opened my mouth to explain (and suggest) an alternative that would be very dangerous and risky on my part but might work, when suddenly Laredith came hurrying into the room. 

Everyone looked up and I got to my feet, suddenly feeling even more serious than I had been. She scanned the group quickly until she saw me and stated, "He's awake." Something about her tone told me she hadn't wanted to wait until I came back and there was more than she was letting on by coming to find me instead. I could see she was holding her breath about whether or not I would go with her or wait. Apparently the men around the table were wondering the same thing because some of them looked annoyed by her interruption and were giving me looks saying not to go.

"Excuse me gentlemen," I said. "This is important too and may be linked to a way we can bring down the dark lords forever." The atmosphere changed and so did their attitudes. They looked surprised and a couple started nodding, gesturing for me to go on then. So I left the council and followed Laredith back through the village. The gravel streets were almost empty but for groups of women here and there and a few patrols given most of the men were at the meeting. I tried my best to ignore the females we passed but it was hard when they stopped to bat their eyelashes and attempted to catch my attention.

"Hopeless romantics the lot of them," Laredith proclaimed without bothering to keep her voice down. She stared straight forward as we walked but my eyes were darting about nervously as if one of them might suddenly run out and attack me or something. "They're the young ones who aren't married or courting yet. I can't tell you how many come to me asking how I know you, what you're like, when you're coming next… It's quite a bother really." I looked at her with one eyebrow raised in curiosity as I asked an uncertain question. 

"And what do you tell them?" Laredith gave a chuckle at the tone of my voice. I had fallen into step beside her now because I was a little more paranoid than necessary with all the girls about. Some of them were giggling and whispering with friend, occasionally pushing one another forward before darting back suddenly with embarrassment and flaming cheeks. Even in the dark I could see that. The woman beside me seemed rather amused about the whole thing, rather than the previous agitation she had shown in her voice.

"Well I tell them the truth of course!" She turned her head to look me in the eyes now, a grin on her face. "That you're a stubborn bastard with no sense of humor." Her statement was ironic because for once it made me grin right back. We reached the healing cabin again it was indeed to find the elvish boy awake and sitting up with Virawiel kneeling beside him. Both looked up when we entered and Laredith announced, "Good, you're sitting up. At least we know you aren't seriously injured or dying anymore. Now, here's your savior, as requested." She gestured for me to come forward and I did so, sweeping the boy's appearance more carefully now that he was awake. 

His pointed ears were half hidden under a mass of curly brown hair that hadn't started to grow out yet, unusual for elves. Especially at his age. He had big hazel eyes that were filled with a fierce determination and when he saw me his brow furrowed so he looked as if he was glaring at me. I wouldn't be surprised considering he recognized me. He didn't _know_ me, but he recognized me. That was enough these days. "You?' He asked in a clear, sharp voice. I cocked one eyebrow, unamused, but his expression never faltered. He started to shake his head, "Alright, I saw. You can go now."

I gave a short laugh, "Well that's nice. You know I could have left you there to die, but instead I chose to help you and get you to safety." He didn't answer and I moved forward even though Laredith tried to stop me. When I was about three feet away I leaned forward, "Be glad it was me and not the orcs, boy. Had they have been the ones to find you do you know what they would have done?" I became aware of the fact that Virawiel was also watching me closely, her eyes growing wider as I talked.

"Halon don't patronize the boy, he-"

I turned and cut across Laredith even though I knew it was rude. "He needs to understand Laredith. His entire village was just destroyed and he's been orphaned. It's time he know exactly how the world works and the dangers he now faces even if he decides to stay here." She remained silent and I took that as my cue to speak to the elven child again. "Had you have been caught by the orcs they would have dragged you straight to Angband. Don't think that they would take you quietly and easily though. Along the way they would see how far you could go and play games, using you as a target to practice with. Maybe some whips." The boy showed no fear, not even now with the things I was describing.

"You might be lucky if you survive the night. Most adults don't even make it that far. But just for the sake of knowledge let's say that you do make it all the way to Angband. They lead you in chains down a cobblestone bridge lined with wooden posts from which hang iron cages. Inside some of them are bones, others the remains of corpses maybe not entirely dead yet. The crows fly above to pick at the remains and you can't block out the screams reverberating around the sky which is black streaked with fire." Now his gaze was starting to waver but I wasn't done yet, I had to get the entire point across. "You notice a couple of the cages are empty and can't help but wonder if one of them is reserved for you."

"Halon!"

I continued as if I hadn't heard. "Then of course you see the gates. Black as night as they draw back to reveal an even darker place behind them and once you cross under that archway there is no going back. Once those gates close that's _it_. You're not getting out. You're led down so many hallways and corridors full of more orcs and sounds of forges, more tortured souls, and you know that's just what you're going to become. You might get lucky and tossed into some cell only to be forgotten and die of starvation or you might be driven mad enough as to do the job yourself." Virawiel inhaled sharply at the suggestion. "Or else they'd take you to a torture chamber."

The elf swallowed, clearly on a dry throat. "Perhaps it'll be the orcs who take care of you. But if you keep up a determination to live and break free it might end up being Sauron himself who shows up. Day after day of nonstop abuse and endless pain. Eventually your resolve is going to break. You're going to want nothing but to die because that is the only form of freedom that could possibly be good anymore. How could you be expected to live normally after all the agony you've been put through? And the day that you break is the day Sauron has had enough of you. You'll be put into a cell then to rot out the rest of your miserable days or else you'll get put into a cage as new food for the crows. Either way you die. End of story."

His glare had lost most of its intensity and his lips had parted slightly in disbelief but a worried wonder as he listened. I took a step back and looped my fingers in my belt, "Like I said... Be glad it was me and not the orcs. You'll find I have a lot more sympathy and remorse than they will ever have." Satisfied that I had gotten my point across I finally looked around. Virawiel looked absolutely terrified and when I turned around it was to see Laredith with one arm across her chest while her other hand touched her forehead as if she was done. "Ah, I believe I've overstayed. I'll let you rest and recover now while I return to the council. I'll be back to check on you in the morning."

My feet carried me across to the door again and I paused, turning back only to incline my head respectfully and say to the trio, "Goodnight." I stepped outside with every intention to return to the council and inform them of what was going on but had barely taken five steps before Laredith's voice called out my name and I stopped. I turned with raised eyebrows as she halted, looking as if she was holding back from saying something. I caught on and sighed, my voice going soft. "Laredith, I apologize. That wasn't something you and Virawiel should have heard."

She shook her head, "No… No you know what? It's okay. I understand you had to tell the boy that. As you said, he was just orphaned. He needs to understand the dangers of the world." I turned my head suspiciously because I sensed there was more she wanted to say than she was letting on. She sighed. "But the fact that he's just been orphaned is also why you should take it easy on him. If he has no other family then he's alone in the world until we can find a family who would take him in. I would but I'm so busy these days with helping everyone who comes through here…"

"So does he have other family then?" I asked and she opened her mouth, shut it, and held up a finger before hurrying back inside. I waited patiently for her to return and became aware yet again of the many staring and giggling women placed about. I slowly folded my arms and tapped my foot, wishing Laredith would hurry up even as it had only been a few seconds. When she came dashing back out once more I straightened up and unfolded my arms, one of my hands traveling to my sword (it had been returned years prior along with my other weapons when I'd been deemed "safe") as a sort of comfort. "Well?"

Laredith looked worried as she twisted her fingers, not quite meeting my eyes. "Yes, he has family." I gave her a look that asked why she was so nervous then because if the boy had family that was a good thing. Right? It meant he could go live with them (if they were welcoming that is) and no one had to worry about him staying here or finding a new place. I was pretty sure his family would allow him to stay unless they were dysfunctional like Feanor's family and pretty much vowed to kill anyone who opposed them; even blood. Elves are great aren't they?

"Why are you acting like that's a bad thing? We can get a few people together as an escort and lead him safely there, it's not that big of a deal." I stated calmly. "Now if it's really far away then we can write a letter of transit explaining he's not to be harmed, hell I'll write it. If I write it no one will dare touch him, not even the orcs. They know who I'm connected to and if they go against my order then they go against _his_ too." It was true. I had never given or acted out an order in Morgoth's name and so far no one even really knew who I was outside Angband (They only knew about Sauron, though that would change in a few short months unfortunately) but they wouldn't dare defy him.

Laredith was shaking her head though and rushed into speech as soon as I was done. "No but Halon his family- Oh just come back inside and let him tell you himself. I don't want to say something wrong and besides… You're _both_ going to need to be in the same room for this one." I frowned at that statement and glanced over my shoulder in the direction of the council building. Laredith drew my attention again, "I'll send Virawiel to explain you won't be back tonight, urgent business came up." Urgent? Wonderful. Nonetheless, I relented and followed her back in.

Elven boy was now standing up with his hands on his hips, but he crossed his arms with a look of annoyance when he saw me. I rolled my eyes right back and got straight to the point. "I've been told you have family in Beleriand. If you're certain they'll let you stay with them then we'll arrange for you to get home somehow. So the first question is would they accept you and the second is the more important of where are they located?" But before he could answer I tilted my head curiously and asked in a less serious voice, "And… What's your name boy?"

He studied me for a while before answering cautiously, "Galendil." Well I was rather taken aback by that one considering his name literally translated to 'dark elf'; ironic. But then I was even _further_ taken aback by what he informed me next. "My aunt and uncle… They're the only family I've got left." He glanced uncertainly at Laredith who nodded for him to continue, it was alright. Galendil took a deep breath, "But… They live beyond the Pass of Aglon… In Himring." My eyebrows shot up and my mouth opened in surprise because that was almost entirely on the other side of the world. To get there, one had to go practically straight through Morgoth's territory. Unless of course you wanted to go south a ways and sideways but that was an unnecessary pain.

Then of course my mind leapt to conclusions and I automatically knew why Laredith had been so worried, why I wasn't going to like this, and what had to happen. I spun on my heel to face the woman with the same stunned expression though now it was understanding and defiance as I raised a finger to point at her and give a flat one word answer. "No." Though inside? Inside I was screaming at Iluvatar _'Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ stop _torturing me would you?'_ She frowned and gave me a disapproving mother face as if she knew _exactly_ what I was thinking.

Before she could say my name in a warning tone, which I knew was what she'd do, I kept up my protest. "Laredith, I may agree to a lot of things here but I have to put my foot down at this. I know I've mentioned my issues with his kind before," behind me, Galendil gave an indignant sound but I didn't stop. "And yet you want me, _me of all people_ to get him to his family? You do realize that on a journey _that_ far, we'll be stuck together for a month, maybe two. Yes?" She raised her eyebrows to silently ask if I had a problem with that and I crossed my arms. "Did you not just hear me say I had an issue with this?"

"Don't take that tone with me sir." She snapped and I bit back a retort. "Under normal circumstances we'd be glad to send someone but given this _isn't_ normal? You know how dangerous that road is and how far it is. I'm sorry but the people here are just too scared to get that close to Morgoth's forces let alone walk through his territory. You're the only one who knows that land and honestly the only one who could get through it and manage to keep both yourself and Galendil alive." I clenched my jaw because as much as I hated it, she was right.

I fought with myself for a minute or two before finally overcoming what I would have preferred happen and doing what needed to be done. I turned to the elven child with a glare and now pointed at him instead to emphasize my point. Laredith looked worried that I might threaten to kill him but instead what came out was, "Alright, here's the deal. I will escort you to your family on one condition… You listen to me. Understand? " He returned the hard glare and answered sharply to which I just shot right back. If we were already not getting along this well, I was going to dread the next month or so…

"I'm not following your orders."

"Oh you will if you want to stay alive."


	12. Chapter Ten: The Heartless

**Warning, this chapter contains high levels of sass. (And, on a more serious note, trigger warning.)** **Happy reading!**

Chapter Ten: The Heartless

Galendil clenched his jaw, clearly not liking how this was unfolding. Well that makes two of us. Now see the problem I had was that he wasn't just an elf. He was an elf in his teens which meant he was, in the eyes of an immortal being, the equivalent of a mortal infant. I sincerely hoped he wouldn't have the stereotypical teenager attitude to go with it but go figure, he did. Though honestly it was worse because he was an elf that knew who I was supposed to work for and even if I'd not done anything yet, he was going to hate me for it. To be fair, from his standpoint, I was a Maia with a personal grudge extending over thousands of years against his entire race and I was more than capable of blasting him to bits at a moment's notice.

The elf gave a sharp nod eventually and I clapped my hands, going for an overly cheery smile even though my eyes remained cold. "Wonderful. Glad we could establish that I'm in charge. Anymore contretemps? No? Good, go to sleep. We leave at dawn." Then I turned and left the hut again before anyone could stop me or suggest otherwise to my abrupt command. Sometimes it really was a downer being the darkest person in Middle Earth. Understatement. My feet carried me to the local inn where I would spend the night though not sleeping… I stayed awake through it all as I pondered what was going on and what the safest route to take the boy through would be.

When the sun began to peek over the treetops I left the inn, paying for the room I'd not really used. What a waste of money that was. Oh well. Thankfully I didn't have to wait or wake up Galendil because he had sense enough to be ready and walk out the door as I strode up. Though, I got the sense he hadn't slept either. Yet the determination in his eyes far outweighed the weariness and that was good. Even if I had the feeling we wouldn't be getting along (at least not for a while) his drive to get to his destination was one thing I could appreciate. Still… Even if we might get there faster I didn't trust him not to make a few rash decisions that set us back.

He scanned me up and down once with a frown and I knew what he was thinking, to which I smirked slightly. "I travel light." Indeed, I had only my weapons on my person. That was because when I traveled I sent my belongings into a sort of small void where they could be retrieved again at a later time if needed. He didn't lose the questioning expression and I guessed again. "I gather you want to know how I can just go gallivanting off without a word to Morgoth?" He tensed at the name but nodded. "I've disappeared for three months before. I don't think he really cares whether I come back or not. The only reason I do is so I can provide these lovely people with information as to what's going on inside the walls of Angband."

I took note of his rucksack, the only thing he had, and sighed. "Come." I held out my hand and for a moment he looked truly terrified that I wanted to hold hands and skip merrily off into the sunrise with him. The thought made me roll my eyes. "Your rucksack…" I stated slowly and he got the idea, hesitantly handing it over. I sent it away where mine was and he raised his eyebrows but made no comment because I was already on the next step. I pulled out a long dagger and started to hand it his way, halting and jerking it back for a moment to say seriously, "Do _not_ lose this."

Galendil nodded and I carefully gave him the blade. The way he held it made a shot of amusement go through me because he had clearly never handled a weapon before. He stuck it gingerly in his belt and my eyebrows flicked up mildly. I was going to have to teach him a thing or two on the road if he expected to get to his new home because we didn't have time to stop and do full out lessons. He looked up, "Alright, I'm ready." I nodded and together we started for the tall gates of the haven. Well of course we couldn't just slip out unnoticed like I would have wished. Some people had to come see what was going on while other more acquainted beings came to actually see us off.

"Thought you could slip away without saying goodbye did you?" Laredith's voice made me halt a mere thirty feet from the gates and turn back around. I couldn't help smiling as she moved briskly towards me with Virawiel on her heels. They halted a few feet away, Laredith looking concerned while Virawiel seemed jittery. Galendil had moved on and was waiting at the gate for me, though he wasn't alone as some of the villagers decided to strike up friendly conversation to ease his tension. Laredith nodded over my shoulder and said quietly. "Get him there safely Halon… He's still got a lot to live for."

I hummed in agreement, "Of course." I didn't know what to say back really because she was perfectly safe within these walls. Still, as we stood there I couldn't help getting a curiously sad feeling. Even though I wasn't always around the area and didn't always see these people, I couldn't help feeling like this time I was really going to miss them; especially Laredith. She had been nothing but accepting and kind to me every time I showed up. I was going to miss having that sort of company every once in awhile. I was saved from saying anything else as she suddenly reached out and placed a gentle hand on my cheek.

She looked me right in the eye as she said seriously, "And you Halon… Make it back safely alright? I've already lost enough friends and family to evil. Don't add to those numbers." I smiled and she pulled me into a tight hug. Laredith was more than your typical friend though. No matter who you were, her motherly side always came out if you were doing anything that might put your life on the line. She cared about everyone, no matter who you were or what you'd done. It was because of that I didn't want to let her down.

We pulled away at the same time and I gave one final nod before deciding it would be polite to say something to Virawiel as well. I turned to her and began to speak. She was nervously biting her lip and looked as if she was holding back from something. "Virawiel, it was g-" She cut me off, acting on an impulse, and sprang forward, closing the gap between us to jam her lips against mine. In a word, I was startled. I had lived thousands of years and this was my first kiss… My body tensed and my hands half raised as if I was preparing to grab her and push her away but instead they just stayed there in shock.

I must say… It felt good. My heart skipped a few beats and I felt like I was jumping off a cliff with the rush it brought. She sharply pulled back, her fingers wrapped tightly around the rim of my black and grey cowl, wide eyes staring into mine as a furiously embarrassed blush filled her cheeks. All I could manage to say was, "Ah… That uh…" I cleared my throat awkwardly, "Yeah." Then I pulled back, catching sight of Laredith pressing her lips together so she wouldn't laugh for my sake. I furthermore caught sight of the other village girls who had come to see what was going on, looking faintly disappointed.

I turned and hurried to the gates with my lips tingling slightly. Galendil was smirking at me but despite the warning glare I shot him he still said, "Sure you don't want to stay here with your sweetheart?" I ignored him and called for the gates to be opened so we could get out. Together we stepped beyond the barrier into the outside world and that was the last I ever saw of my old friend Laredith. As we began the long trek, the resistance getting smaller and smaller behind us, Galendil decided to ask a question to confirm something. I doubted he wanted to actually hold conversation; only speaking when absolutely necessary and that was fine by me. "How long do you estimate this taking again?"

I sighed in a slightly annoyed manner. "To take the journey on foot would take two or three months, assuming nothing goes wrong. But if in the next village we can trade for a couple of sturdy horses and just keep trading them out for new ones at each stop, it should take roughly a month." That was indeed my plan because I had no intentions of walking all the way to Himring with a sixteen year old elf. He didn't say a word of answer, just dipped his head to show he understood. Then there was silence.

It took several hours to reach the next village which was actually more of a town. By the time we got there the sun was already high in the sky and sinking into the evening. Galendil very clearly wasn't used to walking for so long. We'd had to stop several times to refill the water skins because he drank so much of it. Not to mention he was sweating quite a bit, slowing down, and looked like he was in pain; limping a bit. Therefore it came as no surprise the relief that broke onto his face once we stopped.

I would have liked to get the horses then and keep going well into the night but one look at the boy told me that wasn't an option. He was dead on his feet and the last thing I needed was to show up at the elven doorstep with a corpse. Needless to say we spent the night in that town. I led him to the center of the town where there was an inn, pushing him in before me. The boy froze almost as soon as he was over the threshold because the bottom floor consisted of a tavern which was standard so I got the feeling he'd not been in a proper inn before. I refrained from rolling my eyes, giving him another shove so I could get through the door.

Here's the thing, this tavern was quite literally the stereotypical tavern in every sense of the word. It was dark, dingy, filled with smoke, and packed with all sorts of men. They came in all sizes and shapes, some tall others short. Some burly, others not so. Yet despite their physical differences they all shared the same look when they spotted Galendil and I; the look like they wanted to kill us. Well… I couldn't really blame them. They were regulars. They all knew each other. They drank together, smoked together, hell they were even dirty and sweating together. So to see two youthful complexions that were relatively clean? I blame jealousy.

I grabbed Galendil's arm so he wouldn't stray from my side and pulled him up to the desk just ahead of us. A grouchy looking man sat behind it and he grumbled a few times as we walked up and I announced, "I'd like a room for the night please." The man flipped open a book of records and jotted something down, still muttering under his breath. When he finished filling in a row, he leaned back and slowly looked up with narrowed eyes as he calculated me. I raised an eyebrow coolly back with an unamused face while beside me Galendil was still surveying his surroundings and still looked mildly terrified. The man finally gave a grunt.

"Name?"

"Lomaldor." That certainly got Galendil's attention. Luckily he didn't say a word and the innkeeper didn't notice anything was off. He merely gave a second grunt and bent over his book again to write down the name. I turned my head to shrug at Galendil's frown because he looked disapproving. He would have to get used to this though because lying was something that kept me alive and out of the dungeons in this world. I also wasn't technically lying… I'd given the man the elvish interpretation of my name. The man looked up again and closed his book with a sneer and I raised my chin defiantly, "Is there a problem sir?"

His eyes slid from me to Galendil and back again. I knew immediately what he was thinking and gave a short laugh, "Oh… Forgive me, I assume you'll be wanting my son's name too yes?" The innkeeper blinked and looked confused as the smirk was instantly wiped from his face, replaced by embarrassment instead. If he was going to step into these waters he would have to face the shark; me. "I have been to some inns before where they want the name of everyone staying in the room, though I can't imagine why. Will that be necessary here?" He slowly shook his head and I put on a cheery smile. "Good! Well if that's all, we'll be off to some supper now. Thank you most sincerely for your hospitality sir."

I grabbed Galendil's arm again and tugged him after me before the man could say another word or attempt to figure out my story didn't really match anything. I mean… Galendil and I looked nothing alike. Honestly the only thing that separated us from every other man in the room (physically) was our oddly shaped ears. His were the standard round ear with a point finish of the group of elves known as the Grey Elves. My ears were more rounded at the bottom and then sharply pointed at the tips.

I forced Galendil down into a chair instead of actually going to the bar because I'd noticed a few barmaids floating about. In that case I'd take as little risks as possible by avoiding the majority of men sitting at the long counter. I sat across from him, my eyes doing a fast scan of the room in search of potential problems but finding nothing more than threatening stares for the moment. "Wow, lying to a man twice who is allowing us to stay in his business? That's real classy." Galendil stated in a low voice with anger touching it.

My gaze snapped onto him and I gave him an incredulous look. "Would you rather I have gone with what he assumed was going on?" Perplexity flashed through his eyes and I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "He thought something along the lines of you and I being a… Couple." Had he been drinking anything he would have choked. I glanced back at the desk and continued, "Worse, I think he got the idea I was some sort of kidnapper forcing you to come with me and- Let's not get into that. Look…" I turned back around to face the young elf, "If you want this to be a smooth journey you need to work with me here. When we stop in places like this you need to go with whatever scenario I may spew out. Got it?"

He ground his jaw in frustration but nodded. Before either of us could say another word, a barmaid reached our table to ask if we needed anything. Or rather a bar wench… She wore a short sleeved white undershirt with a black corset over it, a floor length black skirt, and a red sash around her hips. Her light blonde curls were piled onto her head and her deep brown eyes were dancing with a dangerous mischief as she surveyed us. "What can I do for you lads?" She asked, never taking her eyes off me. "It's good to see… New faces."

Galendil was also staring at me but it was more incredulous than anything. I turned on the bench and smiled at the girl, my eyes sliding up her form once as I answered. "Oh I'm sure you could do a lot miss… For now though, two pints and a plate of whatever you've got for my son here." The elf across from me looked down as he rose his eyebrows but didn't question my second use of the word. Surprised passed through her eyes briefly but she gave a curt nod and scurried back off to the bar. I dropped my smile instantly and faced the elf once more to see him still watching me with the same face. "What now?"

"Well I guess I'm going to have to get used to the whole father-son story," he began. Then he shook his head. "But dear Iluvatar, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so enraptured as that barmaid was. Was that normal?" Oh great. You know it really figured I got stuck explaining to a teenage elf what attraction was. Especially since in those days I had little experience myself and the route I ended up going was the exact _opposite_ of the values an elf holds. Elves practice monogamy, meaning they only ever have one partner in life. They also hold off on getting any form of intimate until after marriage. You know… Consummating it.

Basically I ended up screwing over quite a few elves in my day and generally messed up their lives since I made them break the monogamy rule. Of course, some of them moved on and pretended I had never existed but still. Now... Mortal women were different. If they wanted to get intimate there was nothing to hold them back because the race of men don't believe in intercourse quite the way elves do. Anyway, the point is back in that moment I had nothing to offer but that was definitely going to change. Actually it started changing right on that trip and can you really blame me being stuck with this child? I needed to relax somehow.

I put my head in my hands, "Oh lord… Alright so there's this thing called being attracted to someone." I began, looking back up at him. "Basically when someone fancies another. In other words, you desire nothing but to be around and with that person. Though most times it's not that strong and you might be attracted to a person but will forget about them the instant they're gone. Which is the case with our friend here." I nodded to the barmaid who had come back into sight, heading for our table. We fell silent as she set down the two tankards of ale and placed a plate before Galendil who stared with wide eyes at the roasted meat which apparently elves don't consume.

I smiled at the girl again and inclined my head, "Thank you miss." A half smile played at her lips as her gaze swept over my form again like I had done to her before. However this time before she could leave I winked and grinned at her. Her cheeks turned a faint hue of pink as she hurried back to work. Again, as soon as she was gone my face went like a stone once more. "The food isn't going to kill you, you know…" I stated in a bored manner to the fact that Galendil hadn't moved an inch. "And you need it so I don't care if it's against your custom to eat meat. That's almost all you're going to have on this trip really. I can't stop and make salads every day so do me a favour and settle for that instead."

Galendil looked up, unamused. "Do you ever drop the sass?" I raised my tankard thoughtfully and took a measured sip. He huffed, "I'm taking that as a no…" A grin spread on my lips and, deciding the drink wasn't terrible, proved the point by toasting him sarcastically and taking a deeper draught. "Great. Which means traveling with you is going to be absolutely awful." I set down the mug on the smooth wood table with a faint smile.

"I do believe that's the kindest thing you've said to me so far. Should I be expecting a hug any time soon? Or maybe you'd like to hold hands!" My tone was overly bright but as soon as I'd finished talking, up went the blank wall again. When I spoke again it was flat and done, "Eat your food before I force it down your throat." He gave me a pointed look, silently calling me a hypocrite since I wasn't eating. "I, unlike you, am not hungry. And don't say you aren't because that is complete bullshit. Your stomach has been growling for the past three and a half hours." The look he gave me was positively sour. It amused me.

However (to my surprise) he slowly lifted his utensils and began to eat. He did so almost gingerly, as if he was afraid the former animal might come back to life and attack him. Watching him suffer through just _cutting up_ the meat was probably the funniest thing I ever saw in my life. That explains to you how much humor I have. Zero, and for once it's not my fault. Galendil took a very small, cautious bite. Again I wanted to make some comment about how it wasn't going to hurt him, but refrained because at least he was managing to eat it.

Instead I decided to go for the safe option of explaining what we would do the next day. "So, tomorrow…" I paused because he had apparently taken a wrong bite as he started choking. Once he got over his fit he gestured for me to continue with streaming eyes. "I'd like to be out of here by sunrise. Don't worry about waking up on your own because there's a few things I need to take care of; horses and such. I'll come get you once I've got them and ensured we'll leave this place unquestioned." He stopped and stared at me with a hint of worry in his eyes. I rolled mine right back. "I won't do anything drastic. Really, who do you think I am?"

Galendil scoffed, "Oh I don't know. Maybe the ser-" I snapped my fingers and suddenly no sound came out his mouth. His fingers touched his throat as he gave me a reproachful look while I gave a pointed one in answer and he gave a mute huff. I returned his voice with another snap and he muttered, "Next time just cut me off verbally you git. I'd rather not go around this whole trip pretending to be your mute manservant or something." He was so focused on carving another piece of meat that he failed to notice the evil little grin forming on my face. That wasn't a half bad idea actually. Maybe I'd have to give it a go if we ever stopped in another town.

I took another drink of ale, "Anyway… That's the plan so far. From there we just travel, avoid the wrong territory as much as possible, and try not to get kil- attacked." I caught myself before I could be real and say _'try not to get killed'_ because I honestly didn't think this elf could handle the thought just yet. Luckily he didn't seem to notice my slip up as he was so concentrated, but he did nod so I knew he heard me. I inhaled deeply as my eyes scanned the tavern once more. There was considerable less staring though some men still looked rather menacing if they caught my eye.

There was a cluster of barmaids gathered around one end of the bar, giggling and whispering together. I watched from the corner of my eye as one tapped the arm of another and said something in a low voice. The second woman turned suddenly and looked directly at me. The corner of my mouth twitched up and I cocked one eyebrow. She leaned against the bar calmly and gestured with one finger for me to join them. You know what? It was going to be my last potential night of freedom so what the hell? "Right… When you're done, return to the innkeeper and ask for a room key. Give him this," I produced a small bag of gold coins that should cover everything for that night.

"Where are you going?"

"Ah, bit of fresh air." I got to my feet after quickly downing the rest of my drink and grinned at his suddenly nervous looking face. "Don't look so concerned Galendil, one will get the wrong idea that you care." His face turned scarlet. "Really though, it's not an issue. I'll just ask the man which room you took, not that hard. In case I don't actually see you again tonight or end up at the room, don't panic. I'm fine, don't wait up for me. Goodnight." Without another word I left him there looking very lost. Call it irresponsible for leaving the boy alone and unguarded but I had the feeling nothing bad would happen to him tonight and indeed nothing did.

I strolled through the tables, ignoring the growls and threatening reactions, eyes only for the group I was headed towards. Once I reached them, I leaned against the bar across from the dark haired maid who had summoned me. "Evening ladies." I addressed the group before my eyes locked on the hazel ones gazing intently at me and speaking in a quieter voice. "I could have imagined it, but I do believe you called me over. In which case, might I start by buying you a drink?" Needless to say I didn't end up finding Galendil again until well into the night. That was a night of many things for me. The top three being it was the night I lost my virginity, basically became an alcoholic, and began my reputation of being the most famous womanizer in all the lands. What can I say?

I'm good.

"Where have you been?!" Galendil leapt from the chair he'd been sitting in when I entered the room. It was positioned beside the fire which looked quite old, telling me he had been waiting up even when I said not to. I took note of the whole situation. The curtains were only half drawn, the bed (yes, there unfortunately was only one) untouched, and the dying embers. I closed the door and began removing my weapons while the young elf continued going at me. "It's halfway through the night and it doesn't take _that_ long to settle a deal for horses and transport does it? If that's even what you were doing."

"I told you I'm doing that tomorrow." I answered calmly. I held up a hand before he could plow on, "Look, just forget I was ever gone yes? It will make everything much easier." I tossed my sword into the empty chair as I passed him, seizing the draperies and tugging them all the way shut even if we were on the second floor. I had set down my bow and quiver and was reaching for the knife in my boot before remembering I didn't have it. "Have you still got my knife?" He pulled it out and placed it on the table beside my bow. "Good. Now I suggest you get some sleep, you can hardly keep your eyes open."

For the second time that night he shot me a look that called me a hypocrite. Although this time it hit. _Did_ I look tired? That generally wasn't a good sign and ever since getting to Angband I usually avoided sleeping as much as possible. I could go days on end without it and the reason is I was honestly afraid to close my eyes and risk dreaming. My dreams were anything _but_ pleasant. I certainly didn't romp through fields of flowers with unicorns in them (which would be terrifying enough). It was worse than that, _much_ worse.

I only stared at him for a moment and then gave a shrug. "Fine." I turned and stretched out on one half of the, quite frankly _tiny_ , bed with my hands folded over my stomach and my legs crossed over each other. Galendil stayed rooted to the spot and I shrugged, "Well there's only one bed so unless you want to spend the night on the floor I suggest you either get over it or we take shifts. Though honestly that's what we'll be doing once we start sleeping in the wild and I'd like to put that off for as long as possible. So while we're in a place where we can sleep at the same time I recommend accepting the deal."

He hesitated and slowly joined me. "Wonderful." I gave my wrist a casual flick and the fire went out entirely, sending us into darkness. The sounds of the tavern below could still be heard and the light of flickering torches outside crept under the doorframe. "Oh and Galendil? Cuddle me and you die. Understood?" The silence was so tense you could have cut it with a knife. "Glad we could establish that. Sleep well elven child!" No, I'm not a warm and fuzzy person. Clearly I don't like much contact and you know what? If you have a problem with that you'll have to get over it because I honestly just do not care.

Despite the fact that I acted like I was actually going to sleep and Galendil seemed to believe it, I didn't. I waited until his breathing became even and he'd fallen asleep before getting up and quietly slipping out of the room. When I entered the tavern again it was near empty. Everyone had gone home or upstairs to a room here. I sat down at a table pushed into the darkest corner of the room with the intention of not being disturbed. Of course, that didn't last long before someone came to see what I wanted. She was indeed one of the barmaids but I couldn't figure out what she was still doing here at this late hour until she suddenly placed a pint in front of me and sat down opposite with her own drink.

I slowly looked up from the map I'd spread before me and frowned at her serene yet mischievous smile. "Can I help you?" I asked slowly after a pause in which we just stared at each other. The girl took a long sip of her drink and I continued to frown at her. "Forgive me miss, but if you've nothing to say I'd like to be left alone now so I can think." I returned to my map but failed at concentrating for about ten seconds before resigning to look up again. She was still there. "Alright… I get the feeling there's indeed something you'd like to say so… Be my guest." I gestured for her to go ahead. What she said surprised me.

"What's your story then?" I blinked once. Twice. What? "We get all kinds in here but I've never seen anyone quite like you before. I've seen every different form of man obviously, they're here every day. There have been the odd group of elves here and there the past couple of years and I've even seen one or two of those funny short guys. What are- Dwarves. I'm sure they've been here a while but the race of men is fairly new to this land. We've never seen anyone other than our own kind before here. As for you… Well you've got pointy ears like an elf might, not the same shape though. You also don't look like an elf in general."

I raised my eyebrows and she tilted her head. "It's true. So then that leaves me with another question and it's not who are you, because I already know that from talking to Galoen earlier. My question is _what_ are you and what's your story?" Galoen? Oh, right, the girl from earlier. I had already nearly forgotten her name which just made me wonder who this new girl was. She hadn't properly introduced herself; just put a drink in front of me and asked for information. Naturally I wasn't giving in for just that.

I felt a sly smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "You're expecting me to tell you unconditionally? Hmm, if that's what you're used to then I'm afraid to inform you the previous men you've held conversation with were moronic." Surprise flashed across her face. "When you've lived as long as I have and have been in some of the places I have, you'll learn not to give out information so easily or freely. Trust is something you shouldn't hand out without first testing the waters. Begging your pardon, but we don't know each other. I know better than to disregard caution and spill my secrets to a stranger."

I reached into a pocket and withdrew a small leather pouch, producing a few gold coins and sliding them across the table to her. "Thank you for the drink miss." I inclined my head respectfully with a small smile but it turned mildly annoyed when she didn't move an inch. "Why are you still here?" I inhaled slowly, "I suppose you won't answer that since I've declined to give you any information. Well then let's try something else even if you already know it. I'm Halon." I stuck out a hand, palm up. She stared at it in confusion for a moment before hesitantly placing her hand in mine.

"Neisa," She answered. I nodded and gently raised her hand while bending to place a soft kiss on the back of it. Her cheeks instantly flushed as she wasn't used to such gentleman-like behavior. Yes, I can play the gentleman and I do it quite well. I know full well how to flatter a lady thank you and later I became very skilled in seducing them as well. There is a difference between seducing someone to the darkness and seducing someone sexually, I should know. I practiced both.

"Well… The pleasure is mine," I stated certainly and she was looking more at a loss with every word I uttered. "Now I believe you were looking for some sort of explanation as to what I'm doing here? I can assure you it's quite innocent. Just traveling across the country to visit some relatives." Neisa nodded but got over her initial shock for a moment to smirk at me and I cocked an eyebrow, "Don't believe me?"

"Oh no I do," she answered carefully. "Except for one thing. Innocent. Forgive me if this sounds rude but from what I saw earlier I think it's safe to say there's not a drop of innocence in you Halon." I smiled back in a _'guilty as charged'_ manner. "That's what I thought. Well, then I won't detain you any longer. But I will say one thing…" She leaned forward and her voice dropped near a whisper, "Take that non-existent innocence and don't be afraid to live." Before I could really process what she had just said, she was gone. Her advice contributed to who I became…

Galendil and I left early with the rising of the sun. Thankfully he didn't question where I had gone all night and for a long time we traveled in silence with hardly a word between us. There wasn't much to tell of our journey as the first half of a month passed. Eventually he quit grumbling and got used to the sleeping outside, having just barely enough food to get by each day, the lying and cheating to live… And one night I even decided it was time for him to learn some form of real defense should anything happen. So far he had gotten lucky and we only came across a small group of orcs but he had no idea how to properly wield the dagger I'd loaned him.

"On your feet." Was all I said as I tossed a branch into his lap one night. He looked confused but got up nonetheless, clutching the stick tightly in both hands. I had an identical branch in my hand. Both were roughly three feet long, enchanted with the weight of a real sword because that's what I was using them for. I obviously wasn't going to teach someone how to fight using real blades so branches came in handy for the same purpose. "Show me your stance." Galendil didn't move an inch and my insides sank slightly. This was going to be a lot more work than I had originally thought if he didn't even know what a stance was.

"Alright." I said, a firm determination coming over me. "I suppose that means I should start at the very beginning. I'll be teaching you the art of swordplay." I saw the panic cross his face and shook my head, "Lesson one; don't let worry cloud your thoughts. Once you get the hang of it, it's as easy as putting on a shirt. It is crucial that you maintain a clear head so you don't resort to abrupt or rash actions that may get you killed. Right now, I want you to let go of every thought in your head. Erase them and feel a sense of calm seeping through you. And believe me, I will know if you're not doing it."

Galendil continued to stare at me for a good while, tense all over. Then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and his whole being relaxed. My lips twitched almost into a smile because it was the first time he did something I told him to without questioning it. Perhaps we were making progress after all. We had started talking a little more and the constant knife fight of words had toned down considerably until we were able to have, for the most part, civil conversation. I nodded in satisfaction, "Good. Moving on. Let's work on your stance first."

At first Galendil's sword fighting abilities were very limited and he could hardly last five minutes even with me taking it very easy on him. Over time however he improved a great deal and was able to fight me at regular effort, lasting sometimes as long as an hour before I called to stop. I can't deny I was truly impressed one night as I surprisingly broke into a sweat while fighting him. "Alright, alright." I announced as I saw his chest heaving with the effort to keep going. "Let's call it for the night." He instantly dropped his branch (I had kept them with us on our journey) and sat heavily beside the small fire we'd made.

After a moment I joined him. For a good stretch neither of us said a word. Galendil sat staring at the flames while I poked at them with a twig. "Are you hungry?" I finally asked. Out of my periphery I saw him shake his head and frowned. "You've not eaten all day. Is something wrong?" He looked surprised at this bit of information and I shrugged. "I do pay attention you know. You really haven't been sleeping much either for the past few days. My only guess is that you're nervous because we're almost to the end of our trip. Is that true?" He nodded mutely and I clapped a hand on his shoulder. "There's no need. You'll be fine."

He frowned and stared at me long and hard as if he was trying to memorize every detail of my face. "Do you have a family Halon?" He suddenly asked. I slowly shook my head, wondering why he had asked that. Now it was Galendil's turn to shrug. "You're good at reading people. But I also notice things and something that's really caught my attention is how you act every time we've encountered a child over the last month or so. And now reassuring me that it's going to be fine… Well if I didn't know any better (which I do. When you say 'no' it means 'no'.) I'd say you were a father." My eyebrows shot up and I no doubt looked as stunned as I felt. I didn't have to ask what he meant for him to know that's exactly what I was thinking.

Galendil grinned slightly. "Oh come on… Wasn't it last week when we ran into that little red haired orphan in a village?" I was starting to remember and wished he would stop talking before I could get embarrassed for revealing my soft side. Yes, I had one of those. "She was maybe three years old; alone and about ready to cry from stress. Everyone around kept walking and ignoring her but you… You knelt down and said hello, asked how she was doing and what was going on. I don't think I've ever seen someone pick up and hug a child with the gentleness you did then. I've certainly never seen someone care so much about a child they didn't even know. So forgive me for making the mistake of thinking you yourself are a father but all the evidence points that way."

I could only stare at him like a fish out of water for a good minute. Then I managed to point threateningly at him, "Not another word you elven child." He snorted and shook his head, smirk never leaving his face. "She was tiny and needed to be helped. Otherwise I've no doubt she would have died and I may be low, but I'm not _that_ low. Letting a child suffer is just cruel in my opinion." Yet it didn't even come close in comparison to the horrible things I did later in life. Still, I was always glad that in the end I had shown compassion to that child in particular. Her encounter ended up helping me thousands of years later in life.

Galendil was still grinning from ear to ear, "Uh huh, sure. So you're telling me what you did was purely a courageous act of chivalry and nothing of a fatherly instinct?" I put out a hand and shoved him so he fell over, now positively laughing at my reaction. "Okay, okay. I'll stop. Anyway, back to your original question. Yes… I'm nervous." He became serious in an instant. "I know I'm probably way overthinking this, but what if they reject me? What if they don't want to deal with me and turn me away without further question?"

"Hey," I cut across before he could keep going. I was frowning now because it was unusual for elves to worry about not being accepted or fitting in. So why did he? "That's not going to happen. They're your family Galendil, they won't turn you away when you're in need. Look at the positive side of things!" He threw me a skeptical look and my mouth twitched. "In just three days you'll be surrounded by people who love and respect you. You'll have a nice bed and decent food again. You won't ever have to be scared again or fighting for your chance to live. You'll be safe with them and have a good life."

He stared at his interwoven fingers as he thought until his head slowly began to nod. "I hope you're right. You probably are. I think I'll go to bed now." I nodded back and he moved to the opposite side of the fire where he could lay down. Before doing so he added a few last words. "And Halon? I want to thank you for everything. You didn't have to escort me but you did and I'm actually glad you did. Had it have been anyone else I don't think I would have learned as much as I did. You're not as bad as I originally thought. I've seen you show compassion and it's taught me that anyone can be a good man given the chance to prove himself. I was wrong about you. Thank you…"

I almost smiled and all I said was, "Go to sleep elven child." Galendil did smile because he knew what I meant. That was my way of saying the same thing right back. Galendil had shown me that not all elves were the same stuck up petty beings. He had changed throughout this journey and I could honestly say I counted him nearly a friend. So it is with complete truth that I say I was a little sad to see him go three days later. The guards were hesitant to let us in but Galendil's uncle soon changed that. He was instantly welcomed and I really did smile at the sight. I stayed only to inform the uncle what had happened and tell him it was no trouble in answer to his thanks.

When I got the chance to speak one last time with Galendil, he said nothing and I very few. We just stood there for a while until I stuck out a hand for him to shake. "It's truly been an adventure." I then ruffled his hair in a fond manner, making him laugh. "You're okay kid. Stay out of trouble elven child." He nodded to say the same back and then I was gone. On my way back to Angband. I didn't take the long road though because I figured being away for nearly two months was enough before they would send someone after me. So once I was several miles away from the elven city, I vanished into a cloud of shadows and appeared before the gates of Angband.

I was almost to my room, planning to catch some sleep before someone came to bother me, but I never made it. Sauron's voice called down the hall and I groaned quietly. "Good, you're back." I halted and slowly rotated on my heel to face him. What he said threw me off and put my mind into an almost instant panic because it couldn't mean anything good. "My lord wishes to speak with you. Iluvatar knows why," he sounded annoyed. "I hope it's punishment for what you did to Duryn." I had honestly forgotten about that. Before I left I had caused some trouble with the werewolves, mainly Duryn. The gist was I ended up setting his shaggy coat on fire. It wasn't good. Though I doubted Morgoth would care about that like Sauron did.

I was still standing rooted to the spot as Sauron halted before me with folded arms. He raised his eyebrows and made a shooing motion, "Well go on. You know he doesn't like to be kept waiting. I suggest you take the quick route instead of walking. He's in the throne room. Now go." I stayed there for as long as I dared because I would much have preferred staying with Sauron over facing Morgoth when he wanted to talk to me. That never happened. _Never_. That was my first clue that something was going to happen and it wouldn't be anything beneficial to me. I finally managed to teleport as I had earlier and seconds later found myself kneeling with a bowed head in the throne room.

"My lord…" I announced myself. "You wanted to speak with me?" I very cautiously got to my feet and took in the scene. The room was cast in shadows as always and Morgoth stood at the center. His back was facing me as he looked down at something spread across a table before him. He was so still and said nothing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard me. Then again this was Morgoth so he most likely _did_ hear me, he was choosing his words with care. Nonetheless, I was beyond the edge and it drove me to ask, "My lord?"

He raised his head, "Yes," and turned to face me. "In the past your little excursions have gone unchecked and for the most part, unnoticed." My insides sank more than ever because if he was bringing this up after all this time it meant he knew something. Which furthermore meant it was over. All of it. "Naturally I wondered to myself 'where does he go for so long?' When you pulled that elf from the ruins of the village and didn't immediately return here I had you followed. The most curious thing happened then, you vanished. But the next day you returned with the elf by your side."

"Sir-"

He held up a hand and I was silenced instantly out of habit. "Still, you weren't bringing him here. When you discovered you were being followed by an orc patrol and killed them, well that was when I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. My only assumption to be made was that you were helping escort this elf to safety. But why, I asked myself, why would you of all people do that? I know how much you hate elves and it just didn't line up. So I thought… And the only conclusion I could come to was that you had drawn some sort of truce with them or else were working with some other unknown group. A double agent if you will… Working to take down Angband from the inside."

 _'Save me the talk and just kill me then.'_ I thought endlessly and I wish that was indeed what he'd done because what happened instead was so much worse. Morgoth shook his head, "I'm disappointed in you Halon. I've let you stay alive all these years and this is how you repay me? I can't have it happen again and I can't risk you returning to your little friends and informing them of our secrets here." He considered me curiously. "Yet I also don't want to kill you. You show exceptional skill and could prove a _very_ useful servant. If only you would cooperate…" I gulped silently and Morgoth sighed. "Well, there's only one thing to do then to ensure you don't run off and finally get you to work for me."

He had been slowly advancing this whole time until he was a mere foot away. Still I didn't move. I was paralyzed on the spot. "Now, this may hurt." He announced in a sardonically sorry voice. My eyes widened and I was ready to take several steps back but too late… His hand shot out and went straight into the left side of my chest. A yell of pain escaped me because it hurt like all the worst forms of torture amplified by a tenfold. "You are going to do exactly as I say from now on Halon." He hissed. "And the first thing you'll do is tell me where this hidden resistance you've been helping is."

He ripped his arm back and I instantly collapsed to the floor. Something was different, something was wrong. But what? My thoughts were jumbled and my vision tunneled in and out. I was panting, trembling. When I managed to raise my head I very nearly had a heart attack. If that had been possible… Because that's exactly what was wrong. My heart sat in the palm of Morgoth's hand, continuing to beat steadily and calmly even though I was sure it would be racing if it was still in my chest. The heart was strange in the sense that it was bright pinkish red and glowing. Almost all the hearts of the Ainur were like that but the difference was that mine was touched by black. The black was a result of the dark things I had done. It was going to get far worse…

But the worst part was that my emotions seemed to have been ripped out with the heart itself. I could feel outside things like hot and cold, because my skin was the temperature of a corpse at the moment. Yet when I should have been feeling something maybe like panic or sickening fear, there was nothing. I found my voice and managed to state, "What the hell… That is very messed up." One of my hands was pressing over my chest where a dull throbbing could still be felt. "How… How am I even still alive?"

Morgoth smiled coldly down at me. "Because I want you to be." For one strange moment I actually thought he was going to eat the heart as he raised it to his mouth. But all he did was speak to it. "Get up." My body surged into action before I could stop it and my eyes widened in alarm because I had no intentions of actually getting up. I would be content to stay down on the floor for the rest of the day until the pain receded. "Lower your hand." The hand over my chest twitched and I understood what was going on, immediately trying to fight it. I tried with all my might to resist and not lower my hand but it was as if some other force controlled me now and that was exactly what it was. I no longer had control of my own body.

All in a single moment everything I had fought for came crashing down around me. I couldn't control myself, my actions, not anymore. Morgoth owned me. I would be forced to perform actions most wouldn't even dare dream of doing and there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I was nothing more than a puppet now. A puppet attached to the strings of darkness Morgoth held in his grasp. I was his dummy, his pawn, a literally heartless killer now. I could torture, hurt, destroy, kill, everything and not feel a single thing about it. That was the point. To create the perfect war device. Practically indestructible and incapable of human emotion. My entire life and this was all that had been waiting for me at the end. Living death.

"Very good." Morgoth mused. "Now Halon… I want you to tell me exactly where this alliance is. How to navigate it unseen and unheard of so my forces aren't detected on the way in. Tell me how much these people know and where the word has spread to. You will tell me everything or my hand might just accidentally squeeze…" He proved his point by clenching my heart in his fist so a shock of pain went through me and I nearly collapsed again. "A little too hard." He was reveling in being able to control me. He could play with my life as much as he wanted because he literally held it in the palm of his hand.

It was because of this that I found myself saying everything. Much to my horror, my mouth seemed to be moving of its own free will and someone else was using my voice as they spoke the words that would condemn an entire village of people to the worst fate. Betrayal. I was internally screaming at myself to stop talking but I couldn't. The words came out unbidden and clear. It was torture at its finest and I had to live with it every single day. A slow and sickening smile played at Morgoth's mouth when I paused, no doubt looking like a startled deer. He only hummed two words which contained all the mirth dancing in his eyes. "Go on."

I was hardly two steps out the doors of the throne room and Sauron was practically on top of me. "Well?" He demanded and I raised my eyebrows coolly back. "What did he want with you?" What I wanted to do was ask what _he_ wanted with me; my life story? Then to go straight back into the room and get my heart back. On the downside, there were two reasons that wouldn't work. The first being I would never get within ten feet of Morgoth again. The second was that even if I did he could just order me to leave, never try that again, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"Does it matter?" I asked. It was the first thing I was able to say with a clear mind and it didn't sound like me at all. My tone was icy, bitter. I sounded much more like how everyone thought I was; a cold blooded killer. I had no doubt my expression matched and I was sure that if I could still actually feel something I would be angry, frustrated, probably scared half out of my wits too. And that was the honest truth. I would be scared. I started to push past Sauron and head to my room for even the smallest bit of privacy and solitude but he called out.

"Really Halon? If you think you can assume that hostile tone with me and not expect me to want the explanation, you would be very much mistaken." My steps staggered and halted as I stood there fighting with myself for a few moments. Then quite suddenly I had turned back and decided to grace him with the answer; though not by word if I could help it. When we were a mere foot apart I stopped and grabbed his wrist so tightly I'd no doubt it was painful. For a moment he looked alarmed and just as fast it changed to confusion when I pressed his hand against my chest. He slowly shook his head, "I don't understand what this means. There's no-"

"Nothing!" I hissed back and flung his hand violently away from me. "That's _exactly_ it Sauron. There's nothing there, nothing to feel. No heartbeat, no pulse, just a hollow and empty chest. That's all I am now. I'm empty. Morgoth made sure of that when he ripped my heart straight out of my chest! Now if you want to know how the hell I am still standing here breathing, you'll have to ask him because I don't know. But right now I'd keep the questions to myself and ask him about our first dual mission."

He looked positively flabbergasted by my new attitude and honestly it just annoyed me even more. "Look, it's really not that hard to comprehend. No heart, can't feel. Translation to Morgoth? ' _Go kill people because you don't have a choice now'_. So! Given that I've just 'voluntarily' told him everything about the previously secret resistance, we're supposed to go exterminate the problem. If you catch my drift." As he caught on, a fiendish gleam of delight came into his eyes and he hurried into the throne room to see if it was all true.

I knew why he was so happy. I'd been caught, I'd been shown the consequences. It was because I hadn't killed anyone in years and now I was being forced to go and murder an entire town of innocent people. Not just people; my friends. Why didn't I send them a warning to flee? Until I bent to the will of Morgoth entirely with no hesitation, he had the reins in a very tight hold. I couldn't find a loophole to any of my orders yet. Time was running out. Yet deep down I had already accepted I wasn't going to save any of those people. I couldn't and the worst part was I didn't care at all. I felt nothing.

I still hadn't come up with anything when Sauron returned, when a host of orcs was assembled, or even when the two of us rode out of Angband side by side with said host following us. I'd only ever watched the orcs go before and now I was leading them. The tables had drastically turned and it was far from a good thing. I didn't say a single word to Sauron the entire journey even as he pestered me and tried to make me talk. I only stared straight ahead with a glare that could send the balrogs running in fear. By the time we reached the hidden village it was amazing I hadn't destroyed the whole group in my wrath. The only thing stopping me was Morgoth back in Angband with his infuriating smug smile and-

I found myself clenching my jaw so tightly it was mildly painful. We had come to a halt and it was because we'd reached our destination. The towering wall that enclosed the village was silent and dark before us as if it already knew what shadow was headed forward to tear it down. Yet all was quiet and still. Perhaps everyone had somehow fled to safety by some forewarning. Or maybe they knew there was no escape and sat in silence waiting for death. Either way I didn't like the chill that shot down my spine upon seeing it. I liked it even less when Sauron leaned in to say quietly, "Well done Halon."

I closed my eyes and turned away. I turned away from everything. Maybe not physically but I certainly did mentally because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to continue on with all the guilt riddling at me. I remained in the woods for what felt like endless nights stretched into one when it was really only maybe two hours. I heard the shrieking of the orcs as they attacked, the shouts of the men as they tried to ready for defense, a splintering crash as the gates were knocked down… I have never felt more of a coward than I did in that moment. Because right then I turned my horse around and started to head back to Angband as the screams of defenseless people rose into the air.

When the screams had almost faded away something else took over inside me and I halted again as if I was just waking up and realizing what needed to be done. What needed to be done was beyond reckless and would no doubt end in my heart being crushed so that I died but I didn't care. Well… Did I care about anything anymore? Not really. It was all acting on gut instinct and what my gut said was to do whatever would piss off Morgoth the most in that moment. As it turns out, the thing I figured would get on his nerves most was to go back and attempt to save the lives that were currently being destroyed.

Of course in the back of my mind there was that nagging doubt. It told me there was no point; everyone was probably already dead anyway so what _was_ the point? Then suddenly Laredith's face swam before my eyes and I nearly stopped my horse, believing for a moment she was actually in front of me and not just an image of the mind. She had only Gybryn left since Vir had been lost. And if she died, then Gybryn would have nothing. That was something no person should have to go through in this world. Especially during times such as these. So I sped up. But for all the speed I put into making it on time, I was still too late.

There were no gates by the time I got back. Just the smoldering remains and they looked, perhaps, as the gateway to Hell on earth. A dark perimeter lit up by the background of red and orange, touched by yellow. Bits of charcoal drifted through the air, still burning at the edges and adding a hauntingly enchanting sight to the chaos. Tendrils of smoke drifted lazily upwards to the dark sky from which no stars gleamed. It was as if the world had darkened itself for the occasion. It was already in mourning and the worst had not yet been done. As I slid off my horse I frowned almost questioningly at what lay before me. Was I really going to walk straight into the jaws of destruction and a practical living cemetery?

Of course, the answer was yes. A low growl caught in my throat as some inner voice called me an idiot for this entire phenomenon but I ignored it. I released my horse, who remained oddly still and silent, then drew my sword and strode right into the burning village as if I had a purpose. It may not seem so, but I don't believe I _ever_ had a purpose in that time. Unless of course it was to stay alive so I could influence future events because even as much as I wished I could deny it, I was the only one who could accomplish those future tasks. I had generally given up on all of the Ainur (even my own kind) and had especially given up on Iluvatar himself. Yet sometimes if I looked back on everything enough I wondered if the Creator didn't have something to do with how my entire life played out. It would be a hell of a miracle if not really…

I could see the shadows of orcs running after people around me but they vanished seconds later as if they never existed at all; fabricated by the very smoke surrounding me. Corpses littered the ground, bloody and half burned. I didn't recognize them and I didn't stop to check. I didn't find anyone who was still alive until I turned a corner and walked into a circle of flames. My hands tightened around the pommel of my sword when my gaze landed on what was ahead. Sauron held a girl by the hair and with a sword placed neatly against her bare throat. The girl raised her head, hair falling back from her face, and we locked eyes for a split second as she called desperately for my help. "Halon!"

I didn't dare say her name back because it would give Sauron further excuse to kill her. Perhaps if he could be convinced she only knew me from the numerous times I'd visited rather than a more personal relationship? Still… I couldn't stop the voice in my head from whispering almost longingly, _'Virawiel'._ Sauron's eyebrows traveled up his forehead and a delighted smirk was playing across his thin lips. "My, my on a first name basis are we? And who might you be?" He added, looking at Virawiel and pulling her closer by the hair so she winced. She kept silent, refusing to speak. Sauron chuckled, "Resilient now, but not for long." His orange eyes landed on me and he sighed before saying in a bored manner, "Lower your sword Halon. Let's not be ridiculous."

"Sauron, she's got nothing to do with this." My free hand extended to him but I didn't lower my weapon as he'd commanded. Virawiel was trying to see him out the corner of her eyes and she was no longer struggling since she understood that was an automatic death sentence. The heat of the fires around us was increasing by the moment but Sauron didn't seem bothered by it whereas both the girl and I were breathing heavily and I felt myself starting to sweat. His flaming eyes found me again and he smiled sadistically at me with my statement.

"Hasn't she?" He inquired. He gestured to the burning houses around us, "She's a part of this village is she not? And if that's the case then you know the orders. Everyone is to be taken care of and one girl is no exception to that command. Least of all a simple peasant." Sauron turned his attention back to her, "Now… How should we do this, hmm? Oh I know!" Looking much like an excited child he dragged her along towards the fires, ignoring her shrieks of pain, and a moment later forced her to the ground; dangerously close to the flames.

As he grabbed the back of her neck and pushed her towards the flickering orange I took a step forward, "Sauron!" I yelled angrily and he turned back to face me with a bored expression. I felt oddly calm without my heart in place but had it still been where it belonged I had no doubt it would have been racing in mild panic. The strangest thing was, I remembered what anger was and just about any emotion with negative connotations like it. The memory allowed me to 'feel' it again. "I said stop. Let her go and then at least it'll be a fair death." His face changed to slightly amused and his glowing eyes narrowed as he tilted his head at me curiously. 

"Is there even such a thing as a 'fair death'?" He asked. "I don't think so. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to be done." He turned back to the girl but sighed in frustration at my call for him to stop again. "What is it with you and women?" He spun around, now looking rather annoyed by my interruptions. "Every time I want to torture a girl you have to come in and ruin the fun. But if it's someone of the male gender you could really care less." Sauron's eyebrows arched suddenly, "Are you going _soft_ Halon? Well it's no wonder Lord Morgoth removed your heart."

"Oh fuck off mate," I growled. "At least I have part of a conscience. Unlike _some people_ I could mention." The sarcasm in my voice could not have been clearer and something else that couldn't have been clearer was the look on Sauron's face. He looked as if he desired nothing more than to punch me straight in the nose and throw me in the fires instead. Just because he _looked_ that way doesn't mean he wasn't going to try later. In case you hadn't picked up the fact yet, we never missed a chance to try and kill each other. Best friend goals? I don't recommend it. At all.

He glared, "Alright Halon…" He leaned down to say quietly to Virawiel, "This is your lucky day because I've decided to do something I don't often… Be nice." He promptly grabbed her arm and forced the lower half of it into the flames. Her screams filled the air accompanied by the smell of burning flesh and the squelching sound it created. I decided then to do something both very stupid and very unexplainable. I ran at Sauron, ready to slice him in half with my sword but he was just as quick, bringing his blade up to meet mine.

It was my mistake to try fighting him angry. I couldn't say why I was angry but it definitely wasn't a good thing to experience in a duel. Therefore it didn't take long for him to send my sword flying from my hand and put his at my throat. "Dangerous move Halon." He stated in a low voice. "I would watch myself if I were you…" He drew a dagger and cut it across my face and side of my neck before throwing me from him with enough force that I was sent back several feet. When I raised myself again it was to see him hoisting Virawiel up only to drive his sword deep into her gut so the blade protruded through her back. I would never have reached her in time.

Sauron's gaze met mine for one sickening moment as he wrenched the sword back out mercilessly. Only a tiny gasp of pain left her lips as Virawiel's body tensed and readied to fall when her attacker let go; vanishing in a flash of fire. For a moment it was all in horrifying slow motion. I staggered to my feet and sprinted forward to catch her with awful realization filling me. I caught the girl and stumbled from the sudden impact. I managed to catch my balance but only briefly before the shock mingled with fury settled in and my knees buckled, sending me down.

Once I hit the ground my hold shifted so Virawiel was lying more in my lap rather than tangled up awkwardly in my shaking grasp. I found that I was shaking not from fear or shock, but from anger. Contained _rage_. I can't explain how I was still able to understand what that was without my heart but somehow I was never quite able to shake the negative emotions as I had shed the others. I was angry with Morgoth for doing this to me, angry at Sauron for being so sadistic, and I was even angrier with myself for not getting here soon enough, for failing, for not being able to stop Virawiel's untimely and cruel fate. She didn't deserve this. None of them did.

"Dear Iluvatar…" I muttered. Virawiel was trembling terribly against me, her breath hitching and staggering as her wide eyes roved wildly. The hole in her chest was dark. It filled and bubbled with hot blood which burst and flowed forward to roll down her sides. "What've I done, what've I done," I kept muttering to myself. Had I still have been able to feel I was sure there would be nothing but fear and pain. Not the literal, physical pain, no. The much worse and dreaded sister; emotional pain is what I mean. But the fact that I was void of emotions didn't stop the flood of guilty thoughts rushing at me. All of it was my fault and I knew it. There could be no denying it either and maybe that was the worst part… The part that knew I was guilty without a doubt and had to accept it because nothing could be changed. Then again maybe it could…

I suddenly raised my face to the dark, smoke-filled sky above and spoke so softly I could scarce hear even myself over the roar of the flames surrounding us. "Alright Iluvatar… I know you're up there you son of a bitch. And if you care at all _listen to me_. Just this once. I'm not asking your forgiveness, I know I've no right. But this girl, this innocent and harmless girl…" I shook my head helplessly. "I've lived more than my share of life and I've tried to throw it away many times. I don't care about it. This girl deserves it so much more than I do and so when I say this please understand I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing it for her."

I paused and took several breaths to clear my throat of smoke, which didn't do much for me. "Please, _please_ … If you care or have ever cared, give my life to her. She's got something worth living for and a reason to keep going every day. She deserves that chance and it's been taken away from her. She's going to die if you don't allow this. She's going to die and… And it's all my fault." My voice trailed off but seconds later I had pulled myself together more and muttered, "That's all I have to say and I hope you look past my dark deeds to save an innocent life…" Then I grabbed Virawiel's body as gently as possible and got to my feet.

The amount of smoke I had inhaled made my head spin and I was unable to think clearly. All I knew was somehow I had to get out of this circle of fire which was spreading and slowly closing in on the small bit of earth where I stood. I don't know how I managed to do it but soon enough I was breathing clean air again and coughing to expel the fire's breath from my lungs. When this realization struck, my immediate reaction was to leave the area entirely. In a cloud of red, our forms vanished and when I opened my eyes I was holding the cold body in a wooded clearing.

Here the night was still, the air chilled with a gentle breeze that whispered tauntingly as it danced by me. It seemed to speak of all I had done wrong and that this was only the beginning of the consequence to my actions. Did it have to be? I sure as hell wasn't going to sit back and just let it all happen if I could do something about it. That's why I stood in that darkened clearing with a corpse strung across my shoulders preparing to sacrifice my own life in exchange for hers. I say corpse because while I could still feel Virawiel's breath gently hitting my cheek, the shuddering rise and fall of her chest on my back, she was still and cold. No sound came from her. She was as good as dead and was only holding on for seconds before it would all be over.

"Not if I can help it…" I heard myself say quietly. It seemed to take ten times the effort to let go of the body than to pick it up. I set her carefully on her back; the moonlight spilling through the trees across her youthful face. For a moment I stood paralyzed, staring down at her. Then it was as if a switched had turned on and I set to work with a grim determination. The newer set of thinking and logic in my mind asked was why I was doing this. I barely knew her and honestly what with my lack of emotions I just couldn't care that she was dead. Then the other, older side of me kicked in and conscious thought said it was morally the right thing to try.

My fingers unlaced the leather gauntlets around my wrists until they fell away to the ground with dull thuds. I sank to the ground and sat with my back pressed to a large oak tree as my hands worked to push back the sleeves of my coat and shirt before the right hand, more nimble and agile than the left, drew the dagger resting beside my hip. I paused to give one final thought to this and decided I wasn't going to back out now as my eyes locked back on the girl lying dead beside me. Her life or mine? Hers was more important, more fulfilling. So I switched the blade into my left hand and placed the tip against the skin of my right forearm… And cut down.

The skin pulled apart as a silently screaming mouth might and red slowly seeped up from the open flesh, crawling out of the stinging gash (which traveled down to the base of my hand) and rolling down leisurely on either side of the damaged wrist. The cut was deep but clumsy and some sort of strange relief touched me as my right hand quickly took hold of the dagger and repeated the process on the left arm. What most people don't realize is that you can't slice your wrist like this horizontally. You run the risk of losing all control and nerves in your lower arms and might never get it back because of the severed tendons if, by chance, you lived to see another day. Cutting down vertically along the vein was much more effective. It didn't ruin your bodily functions and made it easier to bleed out.

The instant I was done, I dropped the knife and exhaled slowly with my head falling back against the base of the tree. Perhaps you wonder if there was a spell or incantation I uttered to complete the transaction? It's not necessary. The simple rule is there must be a balance in the world and if it's disturbed it must be righted. Giving Virawiel back her life without giving life in return would create disorder and chaos. For one to live, the other had to die. Sounds dramatic, I know. But those are the rules of magic. So I just relaxed and ignored the sharp sting shooting up and down my wrists, letting myself sink back into the death I had been trying to achieve for centuries.

It was forty five minutes before my head began to spin even though I was sitting and my vision was blotted with flickering brown dots. My thighs were warm and sticky from the blood that had come from me and was starting to congeal against my clothes. My arms and hands were stained pink and scarlet with the different levels of affect across my skin which had turned even icier cold than usual. Odd enough, my body's defense mechanism was to make me sweat so that my hairline was drenched and chilly; hair sticking to my forehead. My gaze was drawn yet again to the body next to me and I wondered vaguely if this would work. If it didn't well… I couldn't technically die entirely no matter how much I wanted to. My body would die and I would return in my Ainur form to the Timeless Halls.

That was another questionable element… If I was incapable of truly dying was I even able to exchange life for life? I couldn't think about it too much or even too well at the moment. My mind was all jumbled together and nothing was coherent anymore. I knew what that meant though. This was it, I was close to reaching the end and then it would all be over and maybe then it would be alright again. It would be one less killer, one less mindless _murderer_ … The world would most certainly be better without me and no one would convince me otherwise in that moment. The lack of a heart was something that took a very long time to become accustomed to and I am almost ashamed to admit that I did. It means I accepted what had become of me and had given into the monster they all believed I was.

Gradually my thoughts began to slip away and with them, my life. My eyes closed, shutting out the view of the world, and they were so heavy it wasn't possible to open them again. _Everything_ was heavy… I was drained of energy and perhaps stupidly thought about sleep. There was a light growing behind my eyelids but not the kind of light I would have expected or recognized. It brought a frown to my lips until it was bright enough that I figured I had reached wherever I was now. Then my head split. Not literally of course, but it felt as if Aule had taken his mighty hammer and driven it right down onto my skull. I cringed and wanted to put my hands over my face but my arms were heavy as lead.

 _'At least see where you are,'_ a voice in my brain called softly. With some strangled, unintelligible call I managed to force my eyes open. It was then that I realized just where I lay by the dark stone ceiling above and the flickering reds and oranges of fire dancing across the walls. My eyes squeezed shut again and I groaned. "Oh dear Iluvatar, _no_." I breathed. My voice was cracked and hoarse. It hadn't worked. Virawiel's death meant nothing and I was back in Angband as if I'd never left. Why? That was the only question I was capable of asking myself; why?

"Oh look. The moronic Halon returns." The so unwelcome voice of Sauron spoke in a snide and sarcastically wondrous tone. I tried to sit up but couldn't. I tried to cover my face with my hands and my entire body protested against the movement. Even though I knew it was hopeless I tried to teleport myself somewhere else; _anywhere_ else. My magic didn't even work at the moment. "If I had my way you would still be out in that forest; dead and decaying. But apparently our master is insistent that you be kept alive. Lord knows why…" He sounded exasperated about the fact that I couldn't just be left alone to die and I secretly agreed with him… Every time I'd ever come close to dying someone or something had stopped me. It got irksome after a while.

"He's _not_ my master."

I could almost hear Sauron rolling his eyes in the following silence. "Oh please, do us all a favor and shut up Halon. Just be glad you're here instead of that girl. Had your _noble_ sacrifice have worked she would be in far worse condition than dead. You didn't really think I would just let her go if she lived did you? As it is, she's the one rotting in the woods now. Besides, I believe you owe it to Lord Morgoth to accept him as your master given that he's the one who saved you." I swallowed and my head gave a dull throb as I thought about that.

"What?"

"Oh yes," Sauron answered, sounding annoyed yet smug at the same time. "When I came back from the village and you didn't he commanded me to go find you. I brought you back here limp and lifeless, all but dead. I tried to tell him it wasn't much of a loss really and that we'd be fine without you, but he didn't listen to me." I mentally cringed by that because while I knew Sauron didn't like me, for him to flat out admit he wished I was dead was actually painful. It meant he was too far gone to get out of Angband and be saved.

"So he healed you before you could actually die on us and here you are." He finished, now with resentment in his tone. "The only reason I'm here is to tell you that you have to stop pulling stunts like this. I'm almost always the one who ends up having to bring you back and really, you should get it by now that your current route of getting out of things is never going to work. So save yourself and all of us the trouble and just stop. Accept the way things are and move on."

"Not likely." I answered quietly. "Until the day I actually die I won't stop trying. I'd rather this end than have to go through with it. Now you can call me a coward for trying to take this way out but is it really being a coward when the only other option is to give into the thing I've been resisting for years, become something I don't want to be, and give up? At least dead I wouldn't be able to do any harm." Sauron then did something one would never believe unless you were there to witness it. He snorted. I heaved a sigh and asked bluntly, "What?"

I heard him stand and cross the room slowly until he came into my line of vision. "Halon," he began slowly, much like an annoyed parent might explain to their child you just couldn't take things without asking (ironic because Sauron _was_ that child. I was the little shit too afraid to do anything but that is another long story not particularly relevant to this one, moving on.). "Get it into your thick skull already. You and I are part of the race known as the Maiar. Now, do you recall what that means?" At the same time we spoke though while he sounded more twistedly delighted than anything I was only dull. "We can't die." He smiled as my voice joined his and gave a satisfied nod, "Exactly. So I suggest you remember that and stop doing what is, ultimately, pointless."

It's a really interesting turn of the tables when Sauron is the one talking you out of suicide. It's not something you would ever believe (like his laughter) unless you were around to witness it which is unfortunate because, well, awkward as this may _sound_ , Sauron did things that were more humane than a lot of people could claim to. I know it oftentimes sounds as if I hated his guts but the truth is I didn't. I may have had a strong dislike of him and his later methods but I cannot say I ever truly hated Sauron. He wasn't completely an evil, flaming, psychopath. Really the only of those three at which he excelled above me was in flaming because when it comes down to it I committed more acts of evil and became a borderline psychopath once the lack of a heart really settled in.

Yes, Sauron was able to be cruel and sadistic. But he was also able to laugh and mean it, show _concern_ and mean it (even if it was only behind his words). Call me a teenage girl but it's all true. He may have changed his name, appearance, and ideals but Mairon never completely faded from Sauron's being. It's only a shame that I was one of the few to know him as he was and should have been forever. The even sadder part is that you who are reading this tale may not even choose to believe me right now. I wouldn't blame you for not trusting a word I say as I am prone to lie, cheat, and deceive but I beseech you… For the sake of any happy memory that may remain in this world at least try to see Sauron in a better light because he wasn't always as he turned out to be. He was once a good person. And I helped ruin him.


End file.
